I need a Kaif-ee break, people!!!

All of you who’ve had enough (and I mean, seriously ENOUGH ) of Ms.Kaif, please raise your hands. In fact, raise both. I need as many protesters on my side as I can.

This pretty kewpie doll suffering complete paralysis of facial muscles , survies, naah, THRIVES on Indian soil just because she is the so called  ‘luck’ factor.

Apparently,  any movie that she stars in turns out to be a hit….or relatively so.

That is reason enough for greedy producers to demand her presence in their films. Money is the ONLY reason she has been able to invade the 77mm and take control (and also because of the benevolence of a certain Mr.Khan). Its almost haunting!!

Someone please get rid of her .ASAP.

Or atleast give us atleast 3 months where she isn’t starring as a lead OR as a cameo in any movie. Please!!

Just watched APKGK. Wish I hadn’t.

Watched Blue last week. Ditto.

Watched Singh is King before that. (What do you call 2-times-ditto??).

Watched Race, Welcome, Partner and ALL such movies that I really shouldn’t have.

And I have only one word to say for her.

P-L-A-S-T-I-C.

And yet, YET, she gets the honours as described below, in imdb :-

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Voted at the No. 1 spot in FHM India’s 100 Sexiest Women in the World poll.

Won Best Female Style Icon at the IIFA Awards.

Won Sabsay Favourite Heroine Award (2008).

Won the British-Indian Actor award for the Zee Cine Awards (2008).

Won the Stardust Breakthrough Performance Award (Female) for Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya (2005) (2006). *

Is the most photographed woman in India.

Is the most searched Bollywood celebrity as per Google’s 2008 data.

———————————

All this just for being a pretty face!!

She sure is one ‘Lucky’ girl.

And I’m full of sarcasm!!

(* This one really cracked me up!! Breakthrough?!! Performance??? Were the judges on a cocaine high when they decided that SHE was the one?!! But then, its “Stardust” we are talking about. They can be forgiven. They HAVE to do something to get noticed. They gotta earn their bread-n-butter . Remember these headlines??)

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A totally irrelevant post

We had the usual status meeting this morning at work.

Ho hum. Yawn…..

Thats what meetings are generally like…..and usually the ones in the morning.

Me was busy trying to keep my mind active so that I didn’t look like the I was doing the vampire-at-daytime impersonation .

I was lazily looking around at all the people in room when suddenly, I went ‘Whoa!! Whats that?? How come I didn’t notice it before?!!’

I had suddenly come to notice the lack of matched buttons on men’s formal shirts.

Can you beat that?!

Buttons!

On men’s shirt!

Mismatched , that too!!

I mean, you see a shirt of one colour and suddenly you notice that the buttons are waaaay too different for it. I mean, a violet shirt with PINK buttons…..a white striped shirt with RED buttons…..a navy blue shirt with violet buttons…..you get the drift?

While coming back from the meeting, I was apalled at the number of shirts whose buttons didn’t match!! Practically ALL shirts were made that way!

Was there a fashion circular that I missed?!

Or was today just another weird day-of-coincidence!!

Or was it just an observation of a not-so- completely-awake mind??

And you know whats worse?? A hundred times so??

I BLOG about it!!

Uffff!!

And I know, I just KNOW that you will start looking down at the buttons on your shirts or at other guys just to check if they match their shirt too

Thats the fun of it.

I hope

On that note,

A HAPPY MONDAY MORNING to ya’ll.

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Where I couldn’t tell them apart!!

I went to meet my maternal uncles (mamus) today. It was a long time since I had met them and I had a lot of fun catching up with my cousins. Halfway through, cousin M(big) said that he had a snap of RS and SS where he couldn’t tell which was which. This was taken when they were a couple of weeks old.

So I asked him to show me the snap and I could let him know.

He showed me the snap.

And I was struck dumb!!!

It took me a whole 10 minutes to figure out which was RS and which one was SS.

Just look at them :-

Regular readers, can you guess which is which??

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Eid Mubarak to Everyone :)

Eid ul adha is eid of sacrifice,
and commitment to Allahs orders,
May Allah bless us with the same in all circles of life,
and help all amongst us,
who are helpless,worried,
and waiting for their rehmat,
Ameen.

Eid Mubarak.

* For more details on the true concept of Eid-Ul-Adha, kindly visit this site.

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Walk over a Flyover…..

……on the busy Hadapsar road.

Wait, let me start from the beginning.

Residents of Bangalore might be aware of the Double Road Flyover. It carries the distinction of being the only(?) flyover which has a traffic signal at the top. Yup, it defeats the very purpose of the flyover.

So, the city planners of Pune thought they could better this score. They put their heads together and must have come up with the solution in this way….

===================================

Senior City Planner1(SCP1) :  The traffic on Hadapsar road is bad. Being the highway and all…we have to do something about it.

Young Engineer Recruit (YER) : Sir, I have a plan. Why dont we construct a flyover??

SCP1 :  Exactly what I was going to say before you interrupted me.

YER : Sorry Sir-ji.

SCP1 : Its ok. Mind that tongue next time. So, we need a flyover. Lets make a nice big 80 ft wide one.

YER : Good idea Sir-ji.

Senior City Planner2(SCP2) : Lets make it an 8 lane flyover. 4 on each side.

YER : Good idea Sirji. That should solve the traffic problems.

Senior City Planner3(SCP3): hmmm… I was thinking….we should have a footpath for pedestrians on both sides. and also cycle tracks.

YER : Err….umm actually sirji, shouldn’t the flyover be only for vehicles??

SCP3 : (rubbing his belly) Rubbish!! People in our country have become FAT. We need to give them some exercise. Walking will help them reduce. So will cycling.

YER : But sir, the stretch we are marking for flyover is very large. It will be too much of a distance. What if someone wants to walk over to a place midway near the flyover.

SCP2 : Hmmm…Hmmm..Oh well, let them just walk ALL the way till the end and then take a turn to go under the flyover.

YER: (absolutely bewildered at this plan)..Er….ummmm …ok .

SCP1 : Have you taken down these notes?? yes? Good. Also add that two of the lanes will be dedicated to BRTS*.

YER : BRTS?? But sir, our fleet of buses is very low to implement a BRTS.

SCP2 : (condescending ) YER!! Will you ever learn!! We may have only a few buses now…but we do plan to grow, right?

YER : (to himself)…..yeah…. grow like 1 bus added to the route in 1 year!!

SCP2 : Out with it boy, you said something?

YER : Not really sir ji. I was just marveling at the plan.

SCP1 : Yeah…we need to make something that is beyond comparison. Something that can never be replicated. A Masterpiece.

YER: Absolutely sir. Am sure this kind of flyover will NEVER EVER be made again!!!

SCP1 : (on a high now) OHH! I know how we can better it. Do one thing…add a couple of bus-stops on it.

YER : Bus-stops!! Really sir ji…?!!

SCP1 : Of course. What if someone wants to get off on the BRTS route??

YER: But sirji, who would want to get off midway on a busy flyover!!

SCP1 : You never know with people. They like getting off buses anywhere. You add those bus stops.

YER : But Sirji…where will these people go??? They’ll be stranded in the middle of the flyover!!!

SCP1 : Hmmm…I hadn’t thought of that…wait….hmmmmm…hmmmmm

SCP3 : I have an idea…. Lets do one thing.  Lets make a hole at the top and make a stairwell that goes down to the road below.

SCP1 : Great idea

SCP2 :  Beat THAT, town-planners-of-other-cities!!!

(All SCPs nodding their heads in agreement and smiling at each other and their own intelligence)

YER : (rolling his eyes) Right!! A Hole. At the top of the flyover. Great!!

SCP : Learn all you can boy….you’ll never come across a plan like this again.

YER: Really sirji…I don’t think I’ll EVER come across a plan like this again. (to himself) and Thank GOD for it!!

=================================

…….and thats how the Hadapsar highway flyover came into existence.

So it has 4 lanes on each side.

1st lane : for pedestrians.

2nd lane : for cyclists

4th lane : BRTS

The 3rd lane??

Its for all the other measly vehicles including cars, 2-wheelers, jeeps, private buses, trucks, trailers,autos, tempos, etc.

There a 2 bus-stops near the top. And there is a hole with a stairwell to help people walk down to the road below.

 So, if you happen to be a pedestrian standing at one end of the flyover and want to reach some place on the right side, you have to walk the 1.5km stretch, reach the other end, brave the traffic to cross the road and then go under the flyover. The other option is to brave the traffic at the top of the flyover and scoot down the hole with the stairwell!!

And dont stop praying while you choose your path.

*BRTS : Bus Rapid Transport System. Under which, dedicated road tracks are made available for public transport, like buses. Other vehicles are not allowed on the BRTS track.

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I am a victim of…….

………….severe hair loss. Courtesy : The Twins!!

So, I’m losing hair rapidly and the ones still holding on are all frizzy and dry. The deadly-duo, undoubtedly, are the chief reason for this premature baldness.

Here’s how they scheme their attack  (in baby-lang. Translated for your reading pleasure):-

===========================================

SS : Am so sick of her!! She NEVER gives me what I demand!!

RS : I guess you’re talking about the fat sack who’s forever cooing over us.

SS : you got it! She KNOWS I love nibbling on that Nokia cellphone, but she just wouldn’t give it to me. Rather, she takes pleasure in teasing me by going yakkity-yak on the phone with our old man.

RS :  (looking around with a bored expression) So, what do you do to get it from her?

SS : I scream. I wail. I cry. No use!! She just wouldn’t give in.

RS : Aaahh!! Thats where you lack the ingenuity little brother. You don’t know the right trick.

SS :  (eagerly) you mean to say, I can get her to dance to my tune?

RS: Of Course!! how do you think I’ve got my way till now!! Listen up buddy. You see those hair on her head? Well, she’s awfully paranoid about them. Specially the ones in the front.So the next time she doesn’t give you what you want, just hold on to a few and give a good yank. It’s sure to bring her down to her knees.

SS : Gosh!! I didn’t know that. you’re so clever Sis. Will carry out the technique asap.

(So SS comes toddling to his mamma…all smiles and grins and aims for the cellphone in her hand. Mamma, picks up her little baby and coos over him, all the while keeping the cell away from his reach. Little SS happily holds on to his mamma’s hair and gives a good yank. Mamma  yelps with pain and lets go of SS, nursing the scalp which  was missing a few good hair. Meanwhile, SS grabs the cellphone and ambles back to his sister.)

SS : (nibbling on the phone) You know sis, your trick worked like a charm. She was down on her knees in seconds.

RS : (Blowing invisible nail-polish on her nails) I know. Been there. Done that. And you know what works quicker??

SS : (eagerly) Nopes. Tell me!!

RS: Instead of a whole bunch, try and target just a couple of hair at a time. They come off sooner….and hurt more. (evil laughter )Muuaahhhaaaahhaaaa

SS :  (joining in) Muuaahhhaaaahhaaaa

=====================================

Note : The above conversation is not entirely fictional.

RS has been pulling my hair since I can remember…..its only lately that SS has started doing the same.

Its not a coincidence……its a conspiracy.

And I’m the victim….sob

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When I talk about 26/11 and 9/11……

…….I don’t refer to the actual terrorist attack.

 

I’m more concerned about how two different dates are termed similarly.

 

You see, 26/11 stands for 26th of Nov.

Whereas, 9/11 stands for 11th of Sep!!

Duh!!

 

Being in the IT field, you get so used to using conventions which are not used on a daily basis (Gosh!! I used the same word thrice!!)

Anyhow, so we work on dates which have the dd-mm-yy format used throughout the world.

Then we use dates which go something like mm-dd-yy or yyyy-mm-dd or YYYY-MM-DDThh:mmTZD or YYYY-MM-DDThh:mmTZD or YYYY-MM or ….you get the drift!!

 

So, since the 9/11 took place first, shouldn’t we be coining the term 11/26 for last year’s terrorist attack??

I mean,  personally  , I have no issues with whatever you may call it…..but it just rankles me a wee bit somewhere inside my head. It doesn’t sync with the rest of the settings.

Aarrgghhh. I guess I need a change!!

Just can’t believe I wrote an entire post on dates!! DATES!!! of ALL the possible topics under the sun!!

I need a break.

ASAP.

Starting NOW.

OnO.

 

PS: Thats “Over-n-Out” for the uninitiated.

 

Edited to add : I guess the Media (or the people-responsible-for-coining-phrases) tried to get poetic and set the dates to rhyme!!

Ahh…the Media!! Well, the lesser said about them, the better.

(There was a time in my life when I seriously wanted to get into journalism. Thanking my stars that I didn’t.)

 :)

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Confronting social issues

I have refrained from commenting much on serious social issues. And I wonder why!! Why  cant I let myself vent out my thoughts on my own blog??

In a way, I dont want to draw undue opposition, though agreeing or disagreeing with my views is solely the reader’s prerogative. I do attempt to be politically correct at all times. But then, I hide from the truth. I carry strong opinions on certain issues, but I dont express them.

Not done. Not done at all.

Something came up recently, which made me want to put down how I feel about it.

The Liberhans Report was finally submitted, and as expected, our elected representatives decided to brawl over it.  Nothing new in it.  And I dont even feel like pointing out that we have a bunch of d**s sitting in the Parliament. Anyway, I digress.

 17 years is a very long time to state what the people already know. I was in Udhampur (J&K) those days, a small town in north Jammu. And like the rest of  North India, even Udhampur was charged with the air of the premeditated demolition. You wouldn’t know, unless you actually lived under those circumstances.

We were in the cantonment area and hence quite secure, but it wasn’t the same outside. The real purpose behind the Rath Yatra was an open secret. It was even discussed in our school. I still remember overhearing a  class mate saying that the ‘kar-sevaks’ were travelling with many tools (pickaxes, shovels,etc). Obviously, they weren’t planning on bringing down the structure with their fingers ‘at-the-heat-of-the-moment’ as commented by our honourable(?) ex-Prime Minister ABV.

Why then did it take 17 years and 700 crores to report something that was commonly known to all??

The indictment makes no sense. It is trivial.

The vital issue is that 700 crores of our hard-earned money was spent to tell us something which we already knew.

Finally, was it worth it?

The politicos are gonna rave and rant and claim that its all a big fraud and Conress is responsible, and Congress will say that BJP did it all and they will go logger-heads at each other and eventually, the Supreme Court may step in say that an independent enquiry will be initiated.

There.

There goes OUR money down the drain.Again.

It ticks me off royally.

And then I hear this news!!

17 crores  of taxpayers money being happily pocketed by some unknown babus EACH MONTH!!

And apparently, this has been going on for 25 YEARS!!

It boggles the mind to think that this kind of rampant corruption has been allowed to thrive for so many years!!!

Who is responsible??

And who suffers???

Also, this is just Delhi we are talking about.

Can you even imagine the extent of this corruption throughout the country??

And we continue to be called a ‘poor’ nation.

The irony of it all!!!

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Its going to be a hectic week…

…..and I apologise for the slow blogging.

 

I have written so many posts!! But they are all in the draft stage. Just not able to get the time to complete them!! This week is a little hectic.

Hoping to cover up by this weekend.

Anyhow, leaving you with this joke on marriage counselling :-

Enjoy

————————–

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?’

The husband thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.’

—————————-

HAHA!!

Now getting back to work!!

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My most loyal blog follower……

….reads the blog titles and gets the rest of the details from me.

Sample this :-

Me  : (cribbing one day) I have only 3 regular reader . You NEVER read my blogs.

BF : Hey!!! Of course I do!!!

Me : Oh yeah?

BF : Of course. There was this post on dadi.

Me : Ohh!! You read it?

BF : Nopes. I just saw a couple of snaps in it.

Me : .See!! You never read it.

BF : (cleverly side-stepping another possible rant-fest)  By the way, what was that post on Kareena??

Me: (all reminiscent) Ohh, actually, she’s the face of the new VAIO laptop and you know, since she’s so slim now and the laptop is also slim , so I thought they complimented each other in such a wrong way and …….hey!! Wait a minute!!! You said you read the post!!

BF : Umm…actually, I didn’t have the time to go through it completely. Anyway, what about the video you linked to? How did you do that?

Me : Actually, I found it on you-tube and I really liked it. So I added a link to it on my blog. Wasn’t it good??

BF : Not sure. Wasn’t able to access it.Slow network. What was it about??

Me : (awfully suspicious now )Do you even spend 2 minutes on my blog??

BF : Not really. But keep up the good job!!

Me : 

Thats one down . Luckily, I at least have 2 regular readers!!

Aps and BFC, if you are reading this, believe me, I count on you to keep this blog alive!!

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