Is it OK for Men to prefer Working Wives ?
Or stay-at-home-wives/mothers? And why?
My FIL preferred a working women for a wife. The BF prefers the same. The BIL too has asked MIL to look for a working girl for him. Does it speak ill of these men that they prefer their wives to be independent women. I have heard sly remarks from people, that men who let their wives work are “incompetent to provide for them themselves”.Some even go to the lengths of saying that such men “live off their wives”. These statements are not only baseless, they come under the category of being “RUBBISH”.With a capital ‘R’.
I believe, such statements are made by jealous people. Sometimes, by women who rue the fact they are dependent on others for their daily survival. And sometimes by men, who struggle to make ends meet, where as their counterparts live in a comfortable style, owning to double income.
To work , or not, should be a woman’s own choice. Not one dumped on her due to family or society. There are many households where people would rather suffer than send their daughters/DILs for work .Irrespective of how educated or talented the girls are. I’m personally aware of such families. Well-to-do-families give the excuse that “there is no need to work, since there is no shortage of money”.
For me, work is not only a means to earn money. It is an opportunity to put my education to some use. Or, as my good faculty from college, BM used to say, “A chance to use the grey cells…..else they would die and leave one with Alzheimer’s!!” I like to work, to put in ‘x’ number of hours per day for an activity other than family life.It does not mean I ignore my duties as a DIL/wife/mother. It just means, I have to put in extra effort to encompass all these roles. Sometimes I score low, on all fronts…..but there are times when it all seems worth it.
My views stem from watching my mother waste her education. She is a highly qualified person with 5 degrees to her name and many diplomas. She would have been a Principal of a school by now, or an eminent lecturer in any prestigious college. Yet, she gave it all up for her husband and kids. Dad was in the Army. It wasnt possible for mom to stick to a particular school/college. Plus, we were 4 brats…never upto any good. Sometime way back (when I wasnt even in school, I remember , she was school teacher in one of those Army schools in Delhi). Once we got transferred to Bangalore, she gave up her career completely. I know she gave us all her time and effort. She pampered my father and his children. She was the perfect hostess in any party. She was the one to whom other women came for guidance. And yet, she lost her identity. She lost her ‘Self’ (if you know what I mean).
I regret that now. Terribly.
I have no idea how we would have turned out if she wasn’t around all the time. I do feel, however, that we wouldn’t have done so badly. But it would mean undermining the sacrifices of my mom. And I don’t want to do that.
I have a nice cushy job. It doesn’t pay well, but I’m doing good work and that matters. I may not continue in this line of work for long though. I’ll look out for different options, do something which wouldn’t require me to put in close to 12 hours everyday (including the travel time )! Life is pretty hectic right now. And I’m not able to spend as much time with the kids as I would have liked.
In all this time, the BF has never once asked me to quit or change jobs. He has been accomodating, adjusting his timings to suit my preferences. Like the time when the twins’ nanny was on leave and I had an important project release coming up. So I couldn’t take a leave. The BF suggested that I go to office early and come back by mid afternoon. After I come back, he would go to his office. Point of the matter is that the BF didn’t ask me to apply for leave or make excuses for my absence. He simply adjusted his schedule so that I could keep up with my project release. He so totally understands my need to do what I’m doing. Isn’t that great?
I mean, I take this behavior for granted. I wouldn’t have accepted anything else. But I know a lot many women who consider it a luxury to have a husband who understands their professional commitments. Women, who have to struggle real hard NOT to give up their jobs due to pressure from their own hubbies. Women, who face flak everyday, for not being at home for family , children.
It’s almost as if, having a homely wife is the secret desire of EVERY Indian male. I hear many guys saying that they are perfectly fine with their wives giving up jobs and staying at home. They declare proudly that their wives are now home-makers, making us working women feel like traitors of our homestead !! While I’m totally against men forcing women to work, I do rue the fact that I’ve never heard a guy feeling disappointed that his wife had to leave her job.
I guess I’m just rambling on and am not able to come to any definite conclusion. I’m really not sure on what note on end this post .
But seriously, should women be dependent on men for their bread and butter forever? Is there any harm if they earn to bring in some Jam on the side?