You know, there was a time when I was extremely keen on having babies. I was encouraged by many to go for it, they said it would make my life complete , blah blah and blah.
I went ahead and had babies because I wanted to.
The twins arrived, all precocious and tiny. Fragile to the point of bruising if held too long. We fussed over them, fed them , treated them with all the love we possibly could. Everyone in the house made sure the twins were as comfortable as possible.
Then, they turned a year old.
Shortly, they were eighteen months old.
And all this while, not ONE person bothered to inform me what would be in store for me.The sleepless nights apart, there were other kinds of torture lying in wait. Initially, it was just one instance…but then, the frequency grew.
So I now take this chance to let you all know that Toddlers are MAJOR health hazards.
Don’t believe me?
Hear this :-
– I’m playing with RS, tickling her tummy. She squeals in delight and kicks out her leg. The said leg makes direct contact with my nose. I see stars through the tears.
– I’m playing peek a boo with the twins.Just as I remove my hands from my face, SS picks a steel glass and hits at my nose. Direct contact. Stars and tears again.
– While putting RS to sleep, I lay next to her and pat her. SS walks up to me and calls out sweetly, “mammaa…..”. I turn to face him. He brings down one of my slippers on my face. I get hit on the eye. Gasp for breath. Stars and tears routine.
– Changing SS’ nappy. RS takes the talcum jar and runs around. I ask her to return it. She comes close and bangs the jar on my head. I yelp in pain. She loves the sound and bangs my head again.And again.And again.
– It’s the middle of the night, RS is sleeping next to me. Suddenly, she gets up, looks around , sees her mother sleeping blissfully and calmly throws her 12kg weight on my tummy. I gasp with pain and shock. Madam is off to sleep. I suffer severe tummy cramps for the next week.
– I return home to find the kids playing around with furniture. SS picks a small stool and walks towards me , just as I’m removing my shoes. I turn to find the stool deposited with a loud thud on my feet. I yelp with pain. SS finds it funny and tries to pick the stool again. I run to my room.
– I’m changing RS’ nappy. SS is running around with the box of wet tissues. I ask him to give me the box. He does. He throws it right on my face.Thump. Stars and tears once again!!
– I’m feeding the twins. RS doesn’t want any more. I coax her to have just one last bite. She opens her mouth obediently, just to clamp down her jaw on my fingers. I yell with pain. She refuses to open her mouth. I have to hold her jaw with the left hand to release my mangled fingers. There are deep teeth marks on all the fingers. Painful!!
– I’m teaching the twins about their features and point to their nose and say “No-ose”. The twins both jump up and grab for my nose, fighting for their share of it, making sure I have a hundred scratches on my face in the bargain.
These are just a few instances. I’ve suffered some of the worst kind of pains at the hands of these two brats. I have NO idea why no one ever bothered to warn me that toddlers are major health hazards. And yeah, I know you got mislead with the title of this post .
Surprisingly, many people would expect that after so much battery (is there a word for physical abuse at the hands of toddlers??), I would have faster reflexes. Alas, I don’t. I sit there like humpty-dumpty who’s fallen off the wall, and let the two pummel me. It’s the age thing. And also the weight (though I’d NOT like to go into that issue now!). So people who want to have kids, please have them while you still have the stamina to run around. Because once you lose your stamina and gain some weight, you have no option but to grin and bear it. I swear!!
But seriously, you really need to have a LOT of patience to bear all that pain. And frankly, you actually do. I mean, you know your kid has hurt you , but there is nothing you can do about it. They are too small to understand punishment. That reminds me. I punished SS yesterday. He was caught licking the moisturizing lotion once again and got one sharp spank on his bum. Not that it made a difference . So I just had to ground him in the room. I made him sit on the bed and scolded him to not come down until I told him to. Poor guy, he started crying immediately. RS, meanwhile, tugged at my clothes and pointing to SS said, “mammaa….papai”. Which roughly means, “mom, he’s a baby”. Oh well. Sister to the rescue !! What chance do I have against these two?!
And oh, a surprisingly WTHell mail from BabyCenter :-
Now seriously, unless I’m physically blind, is it really difficult to see whether my child loves me or not?!!
Is there any mother out there who is blind to her child’s love?
I didn’t open this mail.
It insults my motherhood!!!