I’m the monster mom.
The mean one, the one who hollers after two angels every second, the one who doesn’t think twice before whacking their bums red or forcing them to brush their teeth or force food down their collective gullet. The one who yells at them to wake up and move their sorry asses off the bed. The one who cries like a banshee when they jump with gusto on the springy sofa, or throws a fit when the two insist on playing with cold water, in the peak of winters.
I’m the one who’s always screaming, shouting, yelling,spanking.
The one who, heaven forbid, does her best to do the maximum damage to the little innocents.
In all, I’m Hell’s Mom. Period.
And it is time to put a leash on me.
And who should take it upon themselves to do the needful, you ask.
Well, who else?
The wee little innocent babies who have to face the wrath of their mother each day. The poor suffering mites who cringe in fright and burst into inconsolable sobs when a spank lands on their bum (its a different matter altogether they enjoy the spanking and ask for more ) . But focus.
Today,we read up on how the virtuous two take their revenge.
Warning: Please do NOT share this post with any young ones. Believe me, you’ll NEVER see the end of it if you do
Instance 1 :-
I’m in the kitchen, busy preparing lunch, humming to myself and frankly, minding my own business!! Little Shobs skips over to me and asks, “Mumma, kya kar-re”??
“Cooking betu”, I reply lovingly.
“Mumma, Lui kahan hai??”, he prods further.
“Room mein”, I reply, nodding towards our bedroom.
Shobs happily skips away to meet his sister. I can hear the two discussing something but it’s too far away to make out the exact words.
I go back to humming and chopping vegetables.
“OUCH!!!”, I scream and turn back on receiving a resounding whack on my posterior. And see a tiny little figure trembling with fury, one hand wielding a plastic cricket bat, glaring at me for all he was worth.
“What was that for??”, I yell.
“NOOOL!!!! Lui ko maali?!! Haan?? Mere bachche[sic] ko maali?”
“What?? WHAT???”, I racked my brain to recollect when exactly I’d done the evil deed. Surely not since morning that day.
“Nahin maari beta. Lui is lying”, I replied vehemently.
Gripping the bat harder, lips quivering and eyes blazing fire, the tiny-tot threatens, “MUMMMA!!! Lui ko nai maaro! Haan?”.
“Haan betu”, I reply meekly, unable to stand the wrath of my laadla beta
I guess the mother-son bond carries no meaning when confronted with a bhai-behen ka rishta. I can’t fight them if they gang-up against me this way, one making up stories against me and the other up in arms against his mother
Instance 2 :-
Toilet training is taking a beating these days. Literally.
I was proud of Shobs for at least letting us know when he wanted to visit the loo, but lately, he’s given up on that too. So he ends up pee-ing anywhere and everywhere
A couple of days back, I caught him peeing on the bed !! I didn’t yell this time, I was just VERY stern when I gave him a look and asked him where one should pee.
“baaathloom”, he quivered.
“Then why didn’t you go there”, I got louder.
“BWAAAAAANHHHHHHHHH”, he replied promptly, getting louder by the minute.
Lui comes running to the room, gives Shobs one look and turns to shout at her mother,” Aye!!! Kaakoo maali Shaabi ko?!! Kaakoo maaali”.
“I didn’t”, I defended myself.
“Kaakoo maali Shaabi ko Nool!!!”, she persisted and then turning to Shobs says tenderly, “Aa shaabi aaa. Aa mere paas”. Shobs crawls over to his sister , who immediately hugs him to her bosom(?) and pats his back. “Nai ro shaabi, nai ro”.
Brother sister hug each other for some time before turning to glare at their mother for infringing on their private space.
I have no option, but to quietly walk out
Instance 3 :-
I’m in the GMIL’s room, serving her breakfast. The BF is busy with his morning workouts in our bedroom. Just when he starts with his on-the-spot-jogging, Shobs rushes over to him for a hug. Not surprisingly, the BF’s knee hits Shobs on the mouth who immediately bursts out crying. Mortified, the BF picks up his son and tries to pacify him. I heard Shobs crying, but knowing that the BF was with him, I thought of feeding the GMIL her medication first before I rushed to Shobs.
Meanwhile, Lui dashes to the bedroom, sees Shobs crying, rushes to the GMIL’s room and hits me hard.
“Ouch!!” , I yell. “Kya hua??”
“Shaabo ro-ra na!! Kaakoo Shaabi ko maari??”
“Wha-?? I DIDN’T!! Not unless you are accusing me of telepathy”, She continues to look at me sternly.
“Never mind”,I say and proceed to the bedroom. I take Shobs in my arms, who’s whining piteously. Lui whacks me again.
“Shaabi ko davva do. Woh ro-ra na!!”
“Kaunsi dava”, I prompted, just to check how much she knew.
“Woh”, she says, pointing to a jar of Vicks vaporub.
“Nahin Betu.Woh nahin lagate. Shobby ko burn hoga “.
At this point, Shobs bursts out into fresh sobs.
“Didiiiii…..mumma davva deti nai”, he wails to his sister, unmindful of the fact that he’s sitting on my hip!!
WHACK!!!!WHACK!!!! Lui hits me again and again.
“Ouch!! Stop please!!”, turning to the BF, I plead, “Do something!!”.
The BF, who’s enjoying this free-of-cost entertainment, says, “Lui, mumma ko nai maaro”.
“Davva deti nai woh!! Kaakoo deti nai?! Shaabi rota na!!”
The BF is rolling on the bed laughing while I try to convince the kids that Vicks is not the right medication to be applied on the mouth. Luckily, I could divert them with a little vaseline, which according to Shobs healed him immediately!! Thank the Lord !
For the record, Lui whacks real hard when she’s at it and I need a pain relieving balm myself
These are just a few of the hundred instances that take place each day. Every time I raise my voice, I’m admonished :-
Lui : Nool!! Kaako mujhe gussa karti??
Shobs : MUMMAA!! Daanto nai!
I still manage to get my way though, being larger and stronger than the two. But I’m worried. Going by the way the wind blows, I wouldn’t be surprised if the kids sue me the next time I as much as touch them
*Just hoping and praying hard that they never get to understand what “suing” means *
Here’s a snap of the two, just out of bed, taken last month (taken from my cell, which explains the baaaad picture quality) :-
Its kind of cute the way the two stand up for each other. I don’t envy that. But I guess I’m more worried about them standing up for each other for the wrong reasons!! Then again, it’s too early for them to know which reasons are right and which are wrong.
Like the BF says, this is the time they are developing a bond which will be stronger than what we have with them. Their interactions have just begun. They go to each other for comfort, for company for fights and for make-ups. Maybe once they grow up, they wouldn’t need to share their secrets with us anymore *Sigh* .
I feel I’m already losing them before I could even get them
Oh woe me