Stumped!!

Not to mention, googlied and bowled over too!

And just in case you were wondering, I’m not talking about cricket (I despise that game with a penchant I generally reserve for reptiles and their ilk).

I talk about the twins, obviously. Like I said before, since they started talking, I’m suffering migraines and nightmares. I don’t know what they will ask next. I don’t know what they will say next. I just can’t predict the next second.As a result , I’m having a damn busy time pulling myself out of the embarrassment rut every time the kids say something inappropriate. That too, in public!!

Some samples (for the record, I haven’t bothered to translate their lines, I guess the charm is lost when you do that. If you understand Hindi, then please proceed, if not, I apologise for the inconvenience ) -

1) Everyone’s sitting in the drawing-room after dinner, chatting up about this and that. The kids are playing with each other, running from person to person and laughing loud. The BF enters at this point (he comes in after 10:30 PM. Sigh) and the twins rush to him.

The BF picks up Lui and smothers her with kisses. Lui squeals out loud and yells at her father to let her go. The BF bargains for a kiss in order to let her down.

“Mumma…”, yells my daughter across the room, “Abu ko pappi chaiye, Aap do”.

So everyone turns to look at me.

Me :  :| *Grrmmphh*

2) This one from Shobs is the pits. They have just learnt that running around the house in their birthday suits , specially in front of guests, is just not done. They yell Shame-Shame at each other when found lacking of appropriate clothing, mostly, underwear.

Good training, I pat myself on the back and smirk.

But not for long.

There were guests at home last weekend, who dropped in just while we were readying for an afternoon siesta (bye-bye nap ) . Since it was very hot, the kids were left to run around in their vests and bloomers. But when the guests came, I tried to drag some decent clothing over their heads. The twins didn’t oblige and made matters worse for me. I yelled at them and said, “Aunty will say shame-shame to you. Please wear your clothes”.

My son, my darling heart-throb took this moment to walk around me, pull at my night-dress for a peek and ask, “Mumma, shame-shame hai??”

“Of course NOT”, I yelled, hastily grabbing at my dress.

So Shobs turns to the guest and says , “Mumma Shame shame nahin hai. Mumma ne chaddi pehni”. Then turning to me, “Mumma, Pink chaddi hai??”

The mumma furiously looks around for a hole to dive into!!

Sometimes, the kids just say stuff that we least expect them to. I know they’ve been picking up new words very fast and it surprises us to no end to hear them using them appropriately at the right time. Some instances :-

1) Am readying the Lui to be taken out by the MIL. Shobs was a little cranky and no mood to get dressed, so we left him to play by himself.

While starpping up Lui’s shoes, the girl says, “Mumma, jaldi karo. Mujhe office ko late ho raha hai”.

Me : Huh?!!

2) Lui goes out with the MIL and returns late at night. In the meanwhile, I kept Shobs busy and we had a great evening together. Or so I thought! Once Lui returned, the twins got back to their regular bickering over the smallest thing ( like who will feed the GMIL her medicines!). At one time, when peace was restored and the twins were busy in different corners of the room, me and the MIL started chatting up on  the evening.

Suddenly, Shobs walks up to Lui, whacks her hard on the head and thunders (yep, my lil boy can be quite a Zeus when the mood strikes) “LUI!! MUJHE CHHOL KE GAYI?? HAAN??”

Lui looks up stunned, too shocked to reply. We divert Shobby’s mind and I herd the kids to the bedroom for sleeping.

The next morning, as soon as Shobs was up, he looked around for Lui (who was in the drawing room), walked up to her and whacks her again. “Mujhe chhol ke gayi, haan??” , he yells once more.

Poor Lui had no reply, because she had left him behind.

Moral of the story: make sure to take the two along everywhere. EVERYWHERE!!!

3) Yesterday was holi and the twins had their fair share of water play. Our neighbours bought them pichkaris shaped like little sheep. Very , very cute. But I digress. More than the twins, the BIL was tickled at the sight of the tiny sheep. So he went on a rampage to squirt at everyone in the house.No one was spared, including the poor GMIL who was stuck to her bed

At one time, the MIL begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t. So she took matters in her own hand, literally. She barged in at him with a small bucket of water and doused him head to foot. Little Shobs, who was running around in between squealed in pleasure and yelled, “Dadi ne chachu ko dhoye”!!

Yep , she sure did

These days, I’m experiencing joy and mortification in equal measure. Either the kids say something which has us all in splits, or they say stuff which makes me feel like the most awful mum on earth!! Just last evening, I took them to visit an aunt whose daughter had delivered recently. Once there, Lui grabbed hold of an empty bucket (which was neatly tucked under the bed to dump any soiled nappies) and demanded that the aunt hand over the mop.

“Mai pochha marta. Mera pochha kahan hai??” she demanded. I sat there speechless, while the hosts directed their collective gaze my way. Lui then proceeded to grab a hanky lying on the side table and started mopping the floor!!

*hanging my head in shame*

Where did I go wrong?!!!

But it isn’t all that bad . The twins stick to me like vines and when asked who they belong to, have decided that their mum is a better option than their father . This , I guess is my reward for all the humiliation I suffer.

And also, I’m happy.

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