The kind RS from B’lore (No, no, not my twins RS, but the one from Penny for my Thoughts ) has tagged me to do a post on what Mommyhood has taught me. My first reaction was to jump up yelling, ‘me first, me first’ like we did in school, when a teacher asked a particularly tough question and you felt that you were the ONLY one who knew the answer and raised your hand , desperate for the teach to look your way .
Alas, as I went through the other blogs doing the same tag, I realized , to my immense consternation, that I’ve learnt very little.
I haven’t yet learnt to curb that vile temper of mine.
I haven’t yet learnt to stop lamenting over the lack of sleep I get.
I haven’t yet learnt to accept that this is just how life will be and in all possibility my hectic schedule will just get worse as the kids grow older.
Mommyhood is one of the toughest courses in the university of life and the only drawback is, after ALL that hard work, after all the years of study, late nights, battering and emotional trauma, we still get nothing. No certificate, no plaque, not even a black robe and hat commemorating our dedication and perseverance.
Yet, we women fall for this course. Again and again and again and again. Wait. That came out wrong. Kindly limit the ‘again’ to two, at most three counts. A women has to be a real veteran of sorts to go for this course the fourth time and more. Hats off and deep bow of respect to them. My eyes seek the feet of such women, to lay myself prostrate at them and beg for tips
Anyhow, looking deeper into myself and seeing nothing but a bunch of bowels, I’ve come to the conclusion, that I’m rather inept at profound analysis. I cannot reflect on the last two years and conclude as to how exactly the twins have changed me as a mother, or as an individual. I cannot hold court on what mommy-to-be’s should expect to face when they have a whiny, wriggly, uncompromising bundle in their arms (or two for that matter!!). I’m not a very hands-on mother myself, being a working woman and all that jazz and hence, I consider myself as the very last resort for the seeking-motherhood-tips type of people
Fear not me lassies and lads, coz this is one momma who cannot be expected to keep shut even when she knows nothing about the matter at hand. So, without much ado, let me share with you the practical lessons I’ve learnt in the last 2+ years. Which means, I can give handy tips on child-rearing . Trust me (I dare you ) . I can share gyaan on how to handle kids in a joint family. I can give tips on how to make everyone in the family (including the maids) take ownership and responsibility for bringing up your children (major emphasis on in-laws here. You wouldn’t want them to shrug off their responsibility towards the fruit of the fruit of their flesh-and-blood, would you ). So shrug off those lines that adorn your pretty brow (strictly for ladies) and read on -
Unless fate decides otherwise, make sure you have ample age-gap between two children. Sometimes, it may not work out, the elder one may feel left out of love once a new one arrives. On the other hand, if the gap is too less, the elder one may not be able to differentiate as to how exactly his/her sibling’s needs are greater than his/hers.
I’ve personally felt that where companionship and closeness are needed, the twins need not look beyond each other. But there are times (too many, too frequent) when the two demand attention at the same time, each one bawling that I shouldn’t pick the other. Sometimes, it even leads to little fists trying to maul each other
All I can say is…..give yourself a break. One howling kid can be traumatic enough, so save yourself from facing two of the same age group
If you use home made cloth nappies for babies, make sure you note down this rule of thumb – Double the thickness of the nappy at the bottom if it’s a girl and if it’s a boy, double the thickness at the front.
Also, if it is a boy, ALWAYS change diapers/nappies with the baby lying horizontal to you. So if you are sitting like ‘|’ make sure the kid is lying down like ‘-’ .
I learnt it the hard way after many a well-directed sprays landed in my mouth . ( Its salty, in case you were wondering )
However smart, brilliant, cute, clever or pieces-of-heaven your kids might be, avoid repeating these terms in their presence.
Kids are like sponges, absorbing good and bad alike. Positive encouragement for what they ‘do’ is different from outright praise of skills they’ve not ‘learnt’. Where the first one allows growth and makes the kid put in effort, the latter makes them feel entitled to compliments without putting in an iota of effort. Desist from gushing about your kids in front of them. You may blog about it though
Your family is as much responsible for the upbringing of your child as you are. So if you find them reprimanding your kid, don’t pull out the daggers and call out a war. Take a deep breath and a moment for it to sink in that even they have a right to correct your child if S/he does any wrong. It may not always suit your sensibilities, but what the heck, kids are tougher than what we give them credit for. A few strong words and a little spanking won’t scar them for life. Being brought up like a namby-pamby might!!
I’m not sure how many people would agree to this, but I’ve learnt that though your partner may not have carried the baby for the nine month duration, he has carried everything else that goes with the coming of a newborn. He has carried the hopes, the expectations, the worries, the expenses. He may not have maternal instincts, but what he does have for the child is pure, undiluted love and concern. So give the guys a break. Trust them with your babies. Never reprimand a man when he’s holding a child in his arms. He’s more scared than you are. Don’t add to his worries by screaming at him that the babies’ neck will break if not supported properly!! Also, give the guy some privacy with his children. Sometimes, a guy wants to coo sweet nothings into his babies ear, just to hear them gurgle with pleasure. Let them enjoy this private moment. Its their’s after all
There is so much more to add here, now that my gears seem all oiled up. But the tag limits me to a count of 5. Alas
Anyhow, I need to send this tag to 5 mommas. Surprisingly, most of my blog friends do not have babies. Yet (a girl can hope,can’t she )
So I’m forwarding this tag to another round of blog friends whom I’d love to know better. Take this up girls :-
I have a faint feeling that you guys might be tagged already. Anyhow, do take this up and teach me a few lessons
For those whom I missed out, apologies. Please feel free to share whatever nuggets of knowledge you can. Be sure, I’ll be the one sorely in debt of you
Till then, I bid goodbye (until the next post. Which, given my recent slackness, doesn’t look too close in future)