The most dreaded phase of toddler-hood is here.
I’ve been avoiding it for ages, hiding under a rock, humming to myself, pretending I never heard it, but it all comes back. Again and again and again!
Ladies and gentlemen, my children have conquered the realm of *takes a deep breath*, “WHY“!!
Yes, I’m in the unenviable position of answering the Why’s of their daily life. These are not the simple routine questions expected of little toddlers, no make that pre-schoolers.They dont ask me why they have to eat their meals or get out of the bed in the mornings. They don’t ask me why they can’t go out to play in the park after sunset or why Lui wears frocks and Shobby wears trousers. No. They don’t ask me such simple questions. Because they are my children, they have to make my life miserable. They look for opportunities to ask me the most embarrassing questions in public. In fact, they ask me odd-ball questions irrespective of the venue
Check these out :-
1) Me teaching Lui a hindi song -
“Machhli jal ki rani hai”
“Mathli jal ki naani hai”
“Jeevan uska paani hai.”
“divan uchka paani hai.”
“haath lagao, darr jayegi”
“aath lagao, dar jayengi”
“Bahar nikalo, mar jayegi”
“Baal nikalo mal jayengi. Mummaa….machhli kyun marr jayengi??”
“Err…ummm….because there is no water. Machhli paani mein rehti hai.”
“Machhli bahar kyun nikalenge?”
“Umm…*blush*….err..khane ke liye.”
At this point, I find it very difficult to explain to her about her mother’s undying love for seafood. I skipped the topic and jumped to another poem.
2) I was ironing my clothes one day, humming to myself. Shobs heard me and asked -
“Mumma, gaana gaati?”
“Err…I like singing. Mujhe achcha lagta hai.”
“Kyun achcha lagta hai?”
*Mentally searching for a little more intelligent answer, and coming up with -*
“Kyun aise hi?”
Aaarrghh!! At this point, I’m sure the tyke is not as bothered about the answer as he is to see his mother all riled up!! I grunt and don’t bother to reply.
3) Me giving the twins a towel rub down after their bath.
Lui : Mumma, mere paas woh nahi hai (points to Shobby’s privates)
Me : Err…ummm…..its okay, you are girl.
Lui : Girl kya hai?
Me : See, Lui is a girl, Shobby is a boy.
Lui : Kyun?
Me : *stumped* Err…ummm…because Lui likes to be a girl (forgive me , but I had to come up with something!!)
Lui : (thinking it over)…Phir Shobby girl kyun nahin hai?
Me : Uff forget this. Jaldi karo, school jana hai.
Digression, thy name is N____!!
4) The MIL was folding laundry, when Lui spots some of her mother’s innerwear. She grabs at it and runs with it to my room.
Lui : MUMMA!!! Aapne pink chaddi kyun nahin pehne, BOLO!!!
Mumma, who was entertaining friends in her room, burns with horror!
The friends, of course, are rolling on the bed , laughing
5) The BF is leaving for some work on a Saturday. I kiss him on his cheeks and bid goodbye, not paying attention to the two brats who were observing this activity with great interest. I initially wondered if they’ll comment on it , but they didn’t. The brats kept quiet about it throughout the day. Obviously, by evening, I had no recollection of it. And then, obviously, my kids had to remind me of it, right in front of the family, including the GMIL -
Shobby : Mumma, aapne Abu ko pappi diye the na?
Me : *gulp*
Lui : (yelling) Kyun diye pappi aapne?? Haan?? Jaldi bolo!!
All eyes look towards me and then look down. Everyone tries best to stifle their snigger. I, of course look the picture of mortification. MIL comes to the rescue, changes topic and tells me to feed the twins their dinner. Thanks to this thin twig of rescue, I herd the brats back to my room. The room, of course resonates from the families’ laughter !!
Life, as they say, is a perennial circle of questions. I can understand my twin’s inquisitiveness, their eagerness to know, even if the context is beyond their understanding. I can see the genuine interest in their eyes when they ask me something, their faces shining bright with the eagerness to learn.
What I can’t understand is, why me?!!
Why cant the twins confound the BF with their queries?
Why doesn’t anyone else land in a humiliation pit because of these two?
Why am I the butt of ALL their non-conformist queries?!