Rather late in the day if you ask me, but better late than never, right?!
I’ve been meaning to compile a list of New Year resolutions that will, InshaAllah, last for more than the end of this month
No, I’m not opting for weight reduction, eating healthier, working less and the likes. Those kind of resolutions don’t work. The ones I’m aiming are for better personality development. Thats right. I have a crappy personality which makes me fit for the role of a doormat. I’ve been walked over all my life and I guess its time now to put an end to it. The worst part is that I know my one major failing and yet I’ve never actively done anything to counter it. The kids are growing up fast and absorbing things rapidly. I want to bring about a change in myself before they get to see this weakness in me
So, without further dillydallying, in no particular order, presenting my list for 2013 -
1) Listen More
Jumper-of-conclusions, thats me . My overactive mind cannot wait for someone to finish what they are saying and I chip in with inputs even in their slightest pauses. This either puts them off track for a while before they recover and collect themselves or worse, they believe I’m mocking them and they drop the topic . This is something which upsets me because inadvertently, I hurt the people I try to ‘help’.
So yeah, unless the pause stretches for more than a minute, I’ll keep quiet and wait. Sometimes, its the silence which speaks. I need to learn to listen to those!
2) Talk Less
Follows 1) right in the footsteps. Foot-in-mouth-itis needs to be controlled. This is the year to keep the foot where it rightfully belongs – in the shoes.
3) Say No
I took me more than a decade to finally muster up the courage and say NO to a friend recently. My only guilt is that I replied through a message and not upfront. I think I’m as much of a coward as she is. This year, I plan to say No if I mean No. Bending backwards is not really doing me any good. There are very few people who are ready to do it for me and giving out free service at the cost of my time, my job and my kids is no longer acceptable to me. So this year, if I cant make it to a party, I’ll say, “No, I cannot come”, instead of evading it with a “Maybe”, “I’ll see if I can”, etc. If people make me run errands when I barely have 5 minutes to myself, I’ll say, “No, but I won’t be able to do your bidding. Find someone else!”
Its not easy, since I’m a very affable person and my friends know that I’ve always been around for them any time of the day/year. Alas, some of these very friends have misconstrued my loyalty as servility and have no qualms in making me run around for them. Not anymore.
4) Speak Up
Not to be confused with 2). While I generally talk nineteen to a dozen when not required, I somehow clam up when I should be speaking up! Apart from my lack of ability to say ‘No’, I also lack the guts to speak out at the right time. When a situation occurs, I’m mostly tongue-tied, falling silent and facing misery. Later, I look back and wonder, “what if I’d said this”, or “I should have said that”. Its futile, really, because the moment is long past. The people who should have heard what I have to say, have long ago left my company, taking my silence for acceptance of what they say. Not anymore. This year, I plant o speak up right then and there, when I find something which does not suit my sensibilities.
5) Worry Less
He he . Okay, this one’s a bouncer, coz seriously, I have the genes of the most manic worriers in history – my parents! My every pore worries. Considering there are millions of them constricting their cells in worry right this minute, this is going to be one very impossible task. But, I’ve got to at least attempt to take things easy , no? Its not as if I can measure the quantity of worry I indulge in on a daily basis. But if I can sleep easy at night without a zillion thoughts clouding my mind, I will call myself victorious
6) Laugh More
Hmmm….This one’s not difficult but given that my preference for humour hovers over the sardonic to dry-wit, laughing out loud is not an activity I indulge in often. I’m more of a smirk or giggle type. Joke books can draw a chuckle from me, nothing more. The BF’s jokes take me one step closer to suicide. How exactly does one laugh out loud often?? I’ve heard laughing is good for the heart and I want my ticker to last as long as possible! Any pointers?
7) Shop Less
As I write this, I have 3 new hand bags sitting in my cupboard. I bought a new pair of sandals last Sunday when I already had two new ones awaiting inauguration . Last month, I bought 4 pairs of jeans for the twins on a whim and the very next week, they were gifted 2 each by my family when they came visiting. The family also gifted me dress materials (3 of them) and yet, I went ahead and bought two new ones for myself. In the interim, the MIL also gifted me one. Lui and Shobbs have close to 15 sets of shoes between them, some which were worn only one or twice before the kids outgrew them.
I buy more stuff than I use. Its not as though I’m a compulsive buyer. I’m just a reckless one. I buy stuff even though I know its not needed! Needless to say, my bank account is always hovering over the ‘empty’ mark. I just manage to get through the month. I have no personal savings to speak of and in nearly a decade of work experience, I’ve never collected enough money to buy myself even a pair of gold ear-rings!
Time to rethink the spending habit, methinks
8) Read More
Need I say more ?!
9) Value Family
Last year, I did the unforgivable thing of keeping my family secondary to my work. I spent more time at work than with kids. When parents came over, I gave them a few hours. This, after I saw them after nearly 2 years!! All because there were deadlines at work, the dev code was breaking , there were hundreds of issues, etc. It ALL seems so trivial now. The code still has a hundred issues, we knew they would be there. 5 months of dev-code cannot be tested in a week’s time! Yet, I put in all the hours I could. Leaving early in the morning and returning around 11:30 in the night. I ended up having an accident and yet reported to work!! All bruised and in pain, but seated at my machine and hard at work. For some unknown reason, my manager casually mentioned in my appraisal that I didn’t seem ‘serious’ about my work. All because I used to laugh off the physical pain and the hurt within at being deprived time with people I love. It was misconstrued as my carelessness and lack of seriousness. Oh-hum! Each to his own, I guess.
It did teach me something vital though. Work is temporary. Family is eternal. I have to be there with them. They may not need me, but I sure as hell need them!!
10) Enjoy Friends
What would we do without friends? Last year, I all but lost contact with most of my friends. Didn’t call, rarely messaged. My FB account is all but non-existant and my one window to the world, my blog, was snatched away from me by the sys-admins
I was off blogging and off contact with friends for so long that when I call friends these days, I start with, “Remember me??”
To correct this one error, me and the BF started off the new year by having lunch with our dear friends and then spending the day together. He is, after all, my Best Friend (I really should rename him from BF to BFF. It would be more apt!!)
I also need to re-think my equations with people I’ve called friends as long as I can remember. Alas, they are unaware of the friendship pact. I thought it used to be a ‘give-and-take’. Some friends have been just taking for so long now that I’m tired of giving . I just need to let them know.
Thats all for now folks. By the way, I’ll let you on in a secret . I finally have internet access!! At WORK!! (Dont ask me how, its a long story!) I’ve missed out on reading SO MANY BLOGS!! If I started now, I’d never get any work done. So yeah, what I wanted to say is that, if you have written any of your resolutions for 2013, do share the link
Hope 2013 treats everyone fairly!!
Cheers…have a great weekend