Weekend Updates And Some Home Truths

Hello All, welcome to a new week, a week of schools reopening, diet regimes and exercise programs (the last two are strictly for me ). As usual, I had a hectic weekend, what with the usual weekend washings, cleaning, shopping, cooking and minding guests. As usual, its taken me the better half of Monday to accept the fact that the weekend is over and there is WORK to do (I’m still recuperating from the weekend hangover. For the record, I LOVE Mondays, because I get to come to office, which means I get to sit in one place instead of running myself ragged all around the house)

Anyhow, this weekend has been an eye-opener in many ways. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is always best to get professional help than solely relying on relatives, I’ve realized that its time to give the regular maid the boot, I’ve realized that it takes my kids about an hour’s time at the max to do permanent damage to their new school gear, I’ve realized that it hurts real bad to see my itty-bitty little kids dressed to go to school and I’ve realized that its time I overcame my complacent behavior and stood up to my in-laws when I feel they are not right. I’ve realized that my hubby might love me till the end of time, but he loves his family even more than that.  However ugly these home-truths might be, there are times when they have to be faced! And by jove, I’m slowly heading that way right now!!

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I went school-stuff hunting.

*Sniff* My babies have grown up *sob sob*

So I bought two identical bags, two identical lunch boxes, two identical water bottles and two identical rain coats. Perfect . Don’t want these two hankering over one colour that the other has! Believe me, I’ve found that it’s always wise to give the two of them identical stuff. So even if they swap, we’re good

But like I said above, one of life’s lessons that I’ve learnt is that one should NEVER disclose new stuff to kids before the school starts. This is because the twins have collectively managed to damage one school bag and break the strap of one water bottle. And the school hasn’t even started yet!! To boot, since I was feeling generous, I bought them both two magnetic writing boards. The slider of one and the metal tip of the pen of the other has been broken off . Generosity can take a hike, I say. These brats deserve nothing

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The twins looked adorable, their bags slung over the shoulders, bottles around their necks and cheeky grins in place. I admit I was all teary-eyed. The twins were super happy and refused to remove their bags. And I admit, they must have drunk a week’s supply of water from their new bottles . Looks like they are all set for the 15th of this month when the school starts. Thats when the real rolling-on-the-floor-bawling will begin . And oh, I’m talking about me and NOT the kids. Just saying

——————-

The BF’s aunt was staying with us for the last 4 months, helping us tend to the GMIL. Well, the aunt lately developed a blockage in her bladder and had to undergo surgery herself. This was last Friday. So as of now, we have two patients to look after. The MIL is planning on extending her summer vacation till the time the aunt gets well.

Life’s just getting more and more interesting!!

(Not to say, tiring )

——————

I had a chat with the doctor who comes in everyday to change the GMIL’s dressing. He was very forthright and practical and said that GMIL’s condition will take a very long time to heal. Maybe years.

Its been rather depressing around the house lately. There are questions mounting over questions. We can’t keep the aunt with us indefinitely. She has her own household to get back to. The MIL is now facing the tough question of taking premature retirement. I know she loves her job and it would kill her to stay at home full time. We could keep a nurse surely, but then we would need at least two of them to keep GMIL company 24/7 . The hunt for the nurses is on, but in case we aren’t able to get them, the MIL will likely quit. It doesn’t help that my two MILs just barely tolerate each other

Like I said before, Life’s just getting more and more interesting !!

—————–

I had my first disagreement with the FIL. In fact, I did have the same issues before too, but lately, I find his arguments unreasonable. Frankly, I haven’t spoken to him about it yet. I doubt I ever will.

Anyhow, the issue is that my daughter is turning into a brat by the day. She has very strong vocal chords and doesn’t mind using them when she’s in one of her tantrums. As a result, if we don’t bow to her wishes, she immediately starts to bring the roof down. Now I’m a very practical person, I know that she will cry for some time and then realizing that it leads her nowhere, will make her toe the line. I don’t pamper my kids with their demands if they cry or howl, instead, I insist that they ask politely and if refused, learn to take it in the right way.

The problem is, when the FIL is home, he is severely disturbed by Lui’s crying. The minute she raises her voice, he immediately tells us to give in to her demands. Many times, I’ve tried reasoning with him that this will just spoil her further. But the FIL says he gets a headache when she cries so when he’s home, we should simply do anything and everything to make her stop.

Lui, being clever along with being vocal, has caught on to this trend. So she saves her worst tantrums for the time when the FIL is home. All my disciplining goes down the drain because he always asks us to bow down to her. The cunning little girl makes sure now that if I don’t, she will enter her grandfather’s room and start howling, making sure to elicit a response from her dada.

I really have no clue how to handle this situation. The MIL, being reasonable , has tried to intervene and let the FIL know that Lui is getting spoilt by his behavior. He brushes it off with a “discipline her some other time, just make her stop now”. The BF does not get into any argument with his father over the twins, so its unlikely that my FIL will ever change. My only hope rests on the MIL, but then, I can’t really talk to her about this without making her feel that I’m hurling accusations at her husband.

One tricky situation I’m in, I guess.

————————–

I’ve decided that the regular maid has to go. She just has to go. In a period of 6 months, she has worked for about 3 months approximately. Not a good record I say, specially when you have an ailing granny and working women at home. We rely on her to ease some of our work and if she fails doing that, I guess we should give her the boot. The MIL has never deducted the maid’s salary for the missing days, citing her poverty issues. But if the poor themselves aren’t concerned where their next meal will come from, do we need bother??

———————

Sometimes, one should trust the critics and stay away from certain movies. Stay far, far away. And when you don’t, be prepared for a foul mood.

I saw “Thank You”.

That is something the director will never hear from my lips!!

And oh, I also saw “Dum Maro Dum” the previous evening. Is it a coincidence that Vidya Balan plays the deceased-wife’s-cameo-role in both the movies or does she like making those 2-min appearances where she gets to simper at the screen and then play dead? Believe me, her role in both the movies was so identical, it almost gave me goosebumps

———————-

The BF loves me to no end. Frankly, I don’t know where the end is, but I know that he loves his family beyond my end. In fact, right this minute I should be on a “Maun Vrat” and refuse to talk to him, but since I know he didn’t mean any harm and can be rather daft at times, I forgive him.

Anyway, the background first. After a looong time, the BF took some time out yesterday to take me and the kids on a long drive. We didn’t really have any particular destination in mind, but since the weather was wonderful, it seemed a crime to stay indoors

While we were leaving, the MIL suggested that we have dinner out (she being the kind understanding type of woman who knows her DIL craves for some private time with the husband. God bless her ). We left, drove around some, checked out the fast-growing outskirts of the city which were nothing but fields a couple of years back. The BF asked me about dinner. I told him to head anywhere. So he told me about this restaurant which served some amazing dishes and we agreed to go there. I was SO looking forward to some quality time with the hubs and the kids. Its been ages since we could get away from the home for dinner.

Halfway to the venue, the BF calls up his brother and asks for his whereabouts. The BIL had a working day yesterday and was still some distance from home. So the BF took a detour and retraced back home, to pick up his brother for dinner.

This is when I should have kicked a storm and threatened to leave the brothers to dine alone. But I didn’t. If I had, it would have ruined the mood of the evening for everyone. The weather was far too perfect to do that

Suffice to say, the Hubby considers me as so integral to his family that it never occurred to him that I might object. His gentle assumption that I look forward to a meal with his brother as much as he does, is at once humbling as it is confounding!! I guess the poor BIL realized it too, seeing that he quickly gobbled his meal and left the restaurant with the fidgety twins to give me and the BF some privacy.

Everyone in the family realizes my need for time with my husband,expect the said husband himself!!

Where does that leave me then?!

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Wordless Wednesday

Naah!!

Just kidding

You really think I can be kept away from being Word-y?

Anyhow, after the long rant in yesterday’s post (which I confess was about to go into more deeper anguish but I managed to reign in the impulse and end it quick) I think I’ll do a feel-good post. Okay, so maybe not that feel-good for you, but definitely for me

You see, since the GMIL is in the hospital (still!!), the onus of looking after her beloved plants fell on me.

Me!! The serial plant-killer! The one whose very touch caused leaves to shrivel and buds to die before they bloomed I have poison in my finger tips  I confess, there has to be a reason why plants never survive me. Even this time, once GMIL left for the hospital, ALL the plants died within the first week. Obviously, I could NEVER remember to water them in time. Moreover, the awful heat made sure that we kept the doors to the terraces closed, to avoid hot winds blasting into the house!

Anyhow, after much hand-flailing and cursing self for not watering the mites in this heat, I got back to Operation Recover.

I watered the plants, added the manure. Placed the pots in strategic locations so that they got just the right amount of sunlight. I prayed , I sang. I did everything but pull at the shoots to sprout a leaf. Gradually though, nature favoured my efforts and the plants started springing back to life.

I’m glad to see that before the GMIL comes home this weekend, her little garden is alive and thriving, pretty green leaves sprouting from every stem. I haven’t *errrr..* failed in looking after them

So folks, whatdya think??

No idea what this thing is called

Ajwain

Aloe Vera

Tulsi

This is the first time I saw purple flowers on Tulsi!!

Kadi-patta

There are many more plants, but I never got around to clicking all of them. I’m just glad they are all alive, which, given my reputation with plants, is a HUGE achievement

GMIL will be back this weekend and I’m sure this time around I won’t get the grunt of disapproval I got last time

Fingers crossed!!

And yeah, I’ll be at the mini-garden every spare second until she is well enough to look after them herself. After that, I’ll just wash my hands off these greenies. Literally





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The Weekend, Cricket and Granny

Hiya Friends.

I’ve been pretty busy at work lately and have very little time to blog

Yesterday was a day of recharged citizens and cricket conversations. For the record, I took an active participation in all the cric-conversations  though I know zilch about the game. You couldn’t have figured that out if I hadn’t told you, I was that good

Today is no better. I’m neck-deep in work and now, after coming back from a lunch with BFS, I’m stuffed to the gills and need cellotape to keep my eye-lids open.

Anyhow, I’ll take the effort and update you about the weekend

This weekend was much like the ones before it, though I have mixed reactions to all that was/is happening around me. Quite a mixture, I admit. Read on, if you aren’t bored already

We had our fair share of cricket craziness on Saturday. The BF glued himself to the couch in front of the TV and changed from a silent, charming gentleman to a profanity-spewing, frothing-at-the-mouth species (which I would NOT relate to anything human!). Thankfully, by Sunday morning, he recovered enough to be back to his normal self.

As for me, well……..frankly, I don’t dig cricket much. Win-win lose-lose, it’s all the same, it’s just a game!! I used up the time by making sure the twins stayed out of the BF’s way, cotton balls firmly clogging their ears (wouldn’t want the kids to hear too much swearing, you know!) and I personally got down to making ‘besan ke laddoo’ with my own two hands. Alas, right after I was done and was doing the rounds of the house, I found, to my utter dismay, that NONE of the family members is keen on besan-ke-laddoo,whoever’s hands they might be made from! The MIL was encouraging though. She claimed they were purrrfect and had a couple to convince me. I had a couple myself and was convinced. They were damn good, I must say

Next time, I’ll stick to Gulab-Jamuns which are everyone’s favourite. Plus, they come in ready-made packs. Saves me half the trouble

PS:  a snippet of conversation with the BF :-

Me : SL is batting first?

BF : *grunt*

Me : (pointing to Indian team) They lost the toss??

BF :  (glaring ) WE lost the toss

Point noted, M’lord.

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The nanny bunked on Sunday (I’m drafting a BIG post on why we are still not kicking her out. Will post it soon. I promise). I had a hundred things on my shopping list , but once again, it’s on hold. I’m taking a 2-week break in May to visit the parents and wanted to buy some stuff for them. But as usual, looks like I’ll be dumping last-minute bought stuff in my luggage .

But hey, I made Pongal for breakfast on Sunday and guess who LOVED it??

The GMIL!!

“Hey Bhagwan!! Mera jeevan safal ho gaya” 

Jokes apart, for once, the GMIL really, really liked what she was eating, in spite of her never seeing it before in her entire life! For the record, the ONLY cuisine the granny likes is what she knows how to cook. Everything else is worthy of the trash can!

Needless to say, I’m tickled pink since Sunday

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While on Granny, guys, the poor dear is hospitalized today. By the time I hit publish, she would have come out of the op-theatre. Apparently, the metal rods in her thigh were causing her much grief. Though she had started walking a bit using the walker, it wasn’t without much pain. The last X-ray revealed that the metal rods and screws were digging into her flesh the wrong way . The operation today is to remove the rods and place some other contraption in its place (not sure exactly what it is).

At her age, I can only imagine the agony of going through another thigh-long cut and stitches. Hopefully, this time the operation will be better and healing as good as before. Unfortunately, the GMIL is not as peppy this time as she was before. She even sobbed last saturday because she hated being dependent on others. I hold myself to blame partially. Actually, with India winning the match and the fire-crackers and hooting and loud music everywhere, I didn’t hear the granny calling out to me. She needed to use the bed-pan and by the time I heard her and responded in the like, it was almost 40 minutes. She cried then, because she had to hold on till someone heard her. I felt like a sack of rotten eggs then.

But I was glad when she cheered up the next morning after the pongal breakfast. Pat-on-the-back, if I say so myself

Do pray for her. She needs all the prayers and love you people can send across.

Thanks

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We took the twins to a park on Sunday (Sarasbaug, for the Puneites). This park is famous for having loads of fun rides and eating joints lining the street outside. The twins had fun on some of the rides, though they refused to show their pleasure!! If you see the snaps, they look like the cheeriest couple of kids this side of the GMT.

Not.

They look like this :-

While riding elephants

While driving a jeep

Awfully pleased with the ball

Bursting with joy at the idea of posing!

In my defense, I can say that the kids refused to get off once the rides were over. Its just that they aren’t very expressive about it, are they?!

Or maybe, they are just hungry!

(Or was it me?)

The BF refused to buy anything other than a ball and a balloon for the two.

Cotton candy?, I cooed.

No, he said.

Paani-puri?, I wheedled.

Of course not. Not from here, he reasoned.

Bhutta?? I squeaked, glancing longingly at the roasting maize.

And who will look after the kids, he countered.

Juice?

No.

Kakdi?

No.

Pop-corn?

No.

I returned home as grumpy as the kids. Swore to the MIL that I’m NEVER taking that man to a park again. The MIL was equally aghast at the no-food n0-drink curfew set by the BF. She wiped the tears off my cheeks and consoled that henceforth only the two of us shall take the kids out to Sarasbaug. I sniffled back in pleasure

And so folks, that’s how I’ve been busy. How about y’all?? Do drop me a line about your weekend





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Don’t meet me today

Because in all likelihood, I’ll probably chew off your head for no fault of your’s.

If you haven’t guessed already, I’ve had a rotten weekend. And a not-so-good beginning to the new week. I want to wail and scream, wallow in self-pity and have oodles of it showered on me. I want to be pampered silly and told that like ain’t all that bad after all and life can be rosy and so on. I want a giant Fish-o-Fillet burger and a jumbo coke right now!!

But since all that isn’t gonna happen, I guess the only way out is to vent out my woes and release the pressure building up in my head. Or heart! Frankly, I have no idea why I feel so hurt, when nothing is actually paining, if you get what I mean!!

Anyway, here’s a brief summary of what all went wrong :-

Saturday :-

1) The nanny came in late.

2) Had visitors the whole day.

3) The twins turned up the crank-factor up by several notches.

4) I was PMSy (another painful story here, but not elaborating for obvious reasons )

5) Had a lot of shopping to do, could make time for it only around 1pm. In the heat!! I’m grilled tender !

6) More guests in the evening. Coffee, tea, biscuits, cool-drinks for the kids. New guests – Coffee, tea repeat.

7) Got dinner ready.MIL and FIL went out for a family function in the night. BIL called to say he wont be home for dinner. BF said he wasn’t interested in what was prepared at home.

8) The young doctor who stays two floors up wasn’t available to administer GMIL her injections. Got chided (albeit mildly) by the FIL for not paying attention and booking her time earlier! Yeah right! I wonder why such responsibilities aren’t given to the two other men in the house who spent the day glued to the TV?!!

Sunday :-

1) Made Uttappa and chutney for breakfast. BAD idea. Was standing at the gas stove for more than an hour, serving hot uttapas to 8 adults (excluding me) and two kids.

2) Made lunch, washed dishes.

3) Maid on leave. That resulted in 2).

4) The twins fought over me. *gasp!!*  Let me repeat – they fought over me! Just when I wanted to take a break and rest my head for a few minutes!!

5) Guests. Guests. More guests. Chat, smile, talk,smile.

6) Coffee, tea, biscuits. Repeat.

7) FIL brings in 2kgs of carrots.”Gajar-ka-halwa”, everyone screamed. “Who’ll take up the grating work”, I asked of everyone. Believe me, I’ve never seen people disappearing before .Grate, grate , grate. Cook.

8) The in-laws went out for a wedding. The BIL said he wont be home for dinner (again) . So I thought of resting for a while. The BF mentioned he had to buy shoes. I told him to go out and do the needful. He insisted that I accompany him. This decision was taken at 8pm. Close to the twin’s dinner time. I said we should feed the kids first. He said the store would be closed. We’ll feed them something outside. I acquiesced. BIG mistake.

9) The twins were cranky 5 minutes after stepping into the mall. Took us a while to hunt for the shoes section in Shopper’s stop. One confession here – Even BigBazaar is better managed in terms of space than Shopper’s Stop!! Anyhow, while the BF was busy choosing his footwear, I was being driven nuts by two kids clamouring to be carried in my arms. Lui issued threats, shouting my name out aloud. I got loads of raised eyebrows and “cant-she-manage-her-children” looks. A few were kind enough to throw a bit of pity my way

10) The BF chose shoes which I hated on sight. He refused to exchange them.

11) The twins were howling by this time and we made quick for the basement parking. Lui tried to outrun us and fell down, bruising her knees badly in the bargain. But my angel girl (YES!! I call her an angel here) who cries if I don’t wash her bum, was mighty controlled .She didn’t cry or whimper, just said plainly that she was hurt and it was paining . I assured her that we would go home soon and wash the wound. By now, it was way past the twin’s dinner time.

12) The BF suggested dropping by a burger joint and grabbing some burgers. I reminded him that there was plenty of cooked home at home, stuff which I had spent time and effort in preparing and he better have it. We even thought of stopping by McD’s and grabbing some fries for the kids, but Lui was beginning to scratch at her wound and I wanted to wash it as soon as possible. So we headed back home.

13) By the time we reached home, Shobs was so hungry that he became irritable and angry. But he had his food, thankfully . Lui had a little too, but then suddenly, she started throwing up. And threw up everything she had since evening . She started crying, Shobs was crying, the BF got more irritable by the minute. My guess is he was feeling guilty for the kids’ plight, but was too proud to admit it. I was exhausted after the long day and was barely in a condition to manage the two. The BF took over Lui and I took over Shobs. We went into separate rooms and tried to put the kids to sleep.

14) By the time my head hit the pillow, it was 12.

Monday :-

1) Maid on leave

2) Decided on making gobi-parathas for breakfast. BIG mistake. Thud thud thud *banging my head on the wall* . WHEN will I learn?!!

3) Cranky kids, level 100x .

And as I type this, I get a call from the nanny that the twins are both suffering from loosies

Am rushing off home people. And yeah, if you meet me on the way, AVOID!! Take a detour, turn back.

Just.Dont.Meet.Me.

 



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Badal Gaya Insaan !!

I stay with my in-laws.

Which is not at all a bad thing. I like their presence and am grateful that I have their complete support and cooperation in bringing up the twins. If not for them, I would have yanked off all the hair on my head and run away from home. Thankfully, that is not the case. I’m still sane (Ameen ) .

But when I hear of friends setting up elaborate romantic dinners at home, or taking off to new places on a whim, or just talking about hanging around the house in their pyjamas, I feel the slightest twinge of regret. Or maybe guilt!

There must be a thousand such dinners that I must have planned, all in my head. Their execution is yet to see the light of day. Or night, as the case may be. In my 4-years of married life, I think there have been only 2 instances of me being with the BF at home, all alone. Two instances out of which, one was rudely cut-off when the in-laws decided to come back home (We were lucky not to be caught being naughty  but the mood was killed even before it got underway ) . For the second, the BF was supposed to be out of town, but came down with a fever and was advised bed-rest. The dutiful wife in me spent the day in pati-seva!!

My in-laws are very understanding, compared to most conservative muslim households. It is my FIL who encourages me to pursue certifications to further my career (what career?! What certification?! I ask!! I’m lucky to be still employed ) . My MIL holds the fort whenever I’m getting late and doesn’t mind running after the twins, even if she returns drop-dead tired from her school. The GMIL has undertaken the responsibility of the twins in the absence of me and MIL and for that reason alone, I’m eternally grateful to her. If not for her, either me or the MIL would have to quit our jobs!!

But there are times when I want to be alone with my husband. To rustle up a romantic dinner set to soft music and candle-light. To talk uninhibited or loudly, without a care as to whom I will disturb, to wear what I want to and not just what I should. To be able to feed the kids, not bothering if they mess up the entire setting or to sing them silly songs and laugh as loud as I want to.

No one has ever stopped me from doing any of the above. I’m not sure if they would mind.  I know that if I did the same at my place, my parents wouldn’t mind. Heck, they wouldn’t even if my Bhabhi did all of the above.

But I know that BF sees his parents differently. He treats his parents with much deference and if he feels they wouldn’t like it, I don’t question him. So I guess what I’m doing right now is spinning a whole lot of yarn trying to cover up my rant against the BF . It would seem like that, I guess (at least to me when I re-read all the text above ).

I don’t have any complaints against the BF. It sure was surprising initially, when I found out that my very bubbly, mischievous husband had a serious, responsible persona at home. I thought it would be a temporary change. Maybe he was shy around his family. A love-marriage can make a person behave very differently indeed.

I was wrong. All these years (before marriage), I had seen only one side of him.

I see the bubbly side of him only when we are out together (rarely) or when I go home to my parents (even rarer). But at that time, it feels just like how it used to be. The way I knew my BF before we got married. But for some strange reason, he can’t be the same at home, in the presence of his family. Irks me to no end, but then, its his family and I’m no one to decide how he should behave with them !!

They are as much his support system as I am. They have as much a right over him as I do. They are used to seeing him in a different way and I don’t want it to ever change because of me. When I casually mentioned the BF’s behavior to the MIL (after my marriage), she was surprised. According to her, he was always like that. Shy and reserved.

SHY?? Reserved??

Are we talking about the same guy here? I wanted to ask her. But thought it better not to .

And so it stands. I live with a guy who has two different personalities. I revel at the way his family looks up to him, taking his decisions as the final say. I preen when not only the immediate family, but also, the relatives turn to him for help and guidance. I feel so proud of him when I hear even far-off relatives praising him to no end (including mine ) .

But I miss him. The one I knew. The one who’s always smiling and is always ready with a witty quip. The one who can make me laugh so hard as no one has ever before. The one who’s a child at heart whom I love to pamper. The one with whom there is never a dull moment.

I miss those times. And he knows it. And that’s the sad irony of it all.

Its only times like these that I wonder how life would be if I were living alone with him.

And then reality strikes hard and I realize, I’m a horrid home-maker. I count my lucky stars because my in-laws look into the daily matters of groceries and stuff. I never have to bother . Other than making breakfast, I doubt I contribute to the house in any way!! The MIL and FIL share all the work between them (and I should let you know that running a household of eight people isn’t all that easy!!) .

So I’m right where I started. I can’t live without my in-laws .  Looks like I’ll just grin and bear the BF’s serious spell.

Romantic dinners can wait. For now .





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Never a Win-Win Situation!!

Being a mom is tough. Awfully tough.

The minute you become a mom, it gives everyone the right to be judgmental of you. Starting from your own parents to hubby, to siblings to in-laws, to friends to EVERYONE.

The minute you become a mom, apparently, you lose every vestige of common sense and have every possible person advising you on whats best for the baby. “If we didn’t let you know, you’d have NO idea what to do. You MORON!!!”, they mock.

The minute you become a mom, you become a victim of a zillion reprimands. You HAVE to do certain things in a certain way, you HAVE to eat certain things, or else!! You HAVE to…..whatever!!

Now, if I was a shy demure bride who gave birth at the tender age of 18-20, then the above behavior towards me would be kind of , you know, justified.

But I’m not the above. I’m a 30 year old professional who has stayed by herself for quite some time to be somewhat knowledgeable about the world.

It does get my goat when I’m not sure how exactly I’m supposed to do something when contradicting opinions come my way.

Sometimes, I come across some really interesting situations .

Sample this :-

——————————————

- On feeding babies.

GMIL : Children should be fed on exact timings.Never delay their meal times.

Me : Yes dadi.

(Me diligently cooking the kid’s dinner and then proceed to feed them, this, right after I’ve rushed back from office and just had the time to change clothes).

GMIL :You’re giving them dinner??

Me : Yes dadi.

GMIL : It’s only 8:30.

Me : Yeah, that’s their regular dinner time.

GMIL : But they had milk late this evening. Don’t feed them now. Feed them around 9.

Me : 

———————————————-

- On toilet training

Me : Isn’t it time we started taking the kids to the loo…just to let them get the hang of it?

MIL : It’s too early. They are just a year old.

GMIL : They are just babies. Toilet training starts after they are a year and a half.

Me : Ok. If you say so.

(The next weekend, I’m at home, busy in the kitchen. Hear voices and RS’s loud yelling. Rush out to see that the GMIL is firmly holding RS in the loo and asking her to pee)

Me : Oh!!! So toilet training begins??

GMIL : Of course!! How do you think I trained your husband? You should start training early or they’ll never learn!

Me : 

——————————————-

- On cuts and bruises

(SS runs around wildly, topples over and bumps his head. I go rushing to pick him up)

MIL : You shouldn’t be so fussy about the kids.

BIL : Yes bhabhi. You must not pay attention when they fall like this. They only cry temporarily. Then they’ll get on with their playing.

Me : It’s not easy , you know. Trying to stay aloof when you see your baby crying!!

MIL : True, but they are going to have a zillion more falls like this and you can’t be running over to soothe them each time. Let them get into the habit of tolerating a little bit of pain.

Me : Ok, I’ll try.

(A week later, the twins are playing around in the house, when SS, once again falls headlong and bumps his head. I control my impulses and stay put. Willing myself not to run over and cuddle him).

FIL : The child fell, for God’s sake, aren’t you even gonna rub his head??

ME : Wha..??

FIL : You shouldn’t be so careless about babies. What if it was a major bump? What if it resulted in a blood clot?? I have a friend whose daughter was playing…………………….got hurt……………mother careless…………(and on and on and on).

Me : 

————————————————

- On crying babies

(RS sucking on her empty milk bottle. The BF pulls the bottle away. RS howls in anger. I rush to console her)

BF : Let her cry. Don’t give in to these tactics. She’ll cry for some time and then forget about it.

Me : But she’s yelling her heart out.

BF : For a few minutes. Then she’ll give up. Gotta teach them that crying will not achieve anything.

Me : Okay…if you say so.

(A few days later, SS is crying because I yanked the gas lighter from his hands. SS, as expected yells like a banshee).

GMIL : What happened?? Why are you making him cry??

ME : Am NOT making him cry. I just took the lighter away from him.

GMIL : You shouldn’t let children cry like this. It isn’t good for their heart. Give it back to him.

Me : Wha…??

—————————————————-

- Parent’s comments

(The twins are extremely active babies and don’t tire of running around the house whole day. They are both on the leaner side, though RS is a little chubbier than SS).

Dad : I hope you are making time for the kids. Career is not everything, you know.

Me : Of course Dad. They are both doing pretty well and are pretty active.

Dad : But they don’t look healthy.

Me : Thats just because right now they are both down with cold n’ cough. Not to mention fever.

Dad : Still, I don’t like it. If your kids are not keeping well, you should think about your priorities.

Me : For God’s sake dad, it’s just a cold.

Dad : Just letting you know. We don’t want the twins to come to any harm because you can’t leave your job.

Me : Huh?!!!

—————————————————-

Tell me now, what is it exactly about being a mother that EVERYONE loses confidence in your abilities??

Nothing you do is ever right. Nothing you do is ever complete. Nothing you do convinces others that you are indeed doing your best.

My In-Laws are very loving people. And supportive . Everyone chips in some time with the kids everyday. I have never felt the burden of bringing up twins till now. It has been smooth sailing.

But even the most loving people can choke you with their love and concern. Maybe that’s what is happening here. Everyone in my house wants the best for the kids. But I can’t help it if half the time they end up contradicting themselves and confusing me in the bargain.

And I end up losing EVERYTIME!!!

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To the twin’s Great-Grand Mother……

Dear Dadi,

In another 48 hours, the twins will complete a year.

A year spent partly in worry,laughter, axiety,delight,panic and fun.

A year watching the twins grow from two fledgelings comprising of skin and bones  to two bonny babies with a mind of their own.

A year spent being torn between the decision of being a Stay-at-home-mother or a Working-mom.

A year of sleepless nights, frequent illnesses and many scares.

A year of happiness, loads of cheer and bushels of patience.

And through it all…..I cant think of anyone else whom I can pay this dedication to, except you.

I know you will never read this post. I know I will never be able to express all this to you directly. I know we have too many differences between us.

But I also know, that there is no one else who could have cared for the twins like you have. I know that you love them more than anyone else in the family. Even me. I know that each day you feel guilty that you are not able to look after them yourself and need the assistance of that useless maid.

Each day that I read some gruesome, sordid news about cruelty to infants/toddlers, I’m deeply grateful to Allah for bringing the babies to this household. where they are loved, their each action cherished, where everyone makes sure that they do the least harm to each other and themselves . I can focus on my work in office, because I know that they are in the safest hands possible.

You say you are lucky to be around to look after the twins. I disagree. Its the twins who are lucky to have you. You, their Great-grandmother. They are lucky to be the recepients of such undiluted love and devotion. They are lucky to have your blessings for their each step. They are lucky. And I’m indebted. There is no way I can come even close to reciprocating all this love.

You relish giving them their daily massage and bath. You lovingly powder them and dress them. You diligently prepare their meals and feed them. You make sure that they get their milk at the right time. You sacrifice your afternoon nap to make sure the kids get some sleep. You keep them entertained and occupied. You sing them lullabies which I could never do.  You take delight in every new action that they learn. You teach them small tricks. You shower them with so much love that its heart-breaking.

You crave for when the kids will start sleeping with you. As of now, their mamma is too greedy of those few hours she gets with them. And also, the twins are yet to learn sleeping through the night .

Dear Dadi, may Allah bless you with a long and healthy life. Long enough for you to attend RS’s wedding (yeah…I heard that faint lament you made once….and my heart ached at that wistful tone of yours.)  May these kids bring you as much joy to you as you do to them. May we be as indulgent to our own grandchildren (if, we are around by then). May the love, happiness and sunshine never leave our threshold. Ameen.

Yours,

Not-So-Grand Daughter-in-Law

RS with Big-Dadi

 

SS with Big-dadi

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The need for home improvement…..

……and how to have a say in these matters.

One of the disadvantages of living in a joint family is that no decision has a single owner. Too many people have a say in all the matters. And a final decision takes place only when ALL the members agree. This works great at many levels, since all members of the family get equal status.

It works horribly for me, because rarely do my ideas find acceptance. And I need to wait for approval from many quarters. The BF is awfully loyal in such matters. He stands by my ideas and gets them implemented.

We have a wonderful house. Large, spacious , with two big balconies overlooking the main road. It wasn’t brand new when we bought it but the previous owners never really lived there. There is so much that can be done to enhance the space. Alas, the opinions vary :-

FIL : hates clutter. Likes to have bare minimum furniture. Lesser is better, is his standpoint. Severely against buy new stuff, if the older ones are in working condition.

MIL : wants to do away with most of the old stuff and get newer stuff that suits the house.

GMIL : strongly condemns the thought of doing away with old stuff.  Get new stuff if you want, but the old ones stay.

BIL : wants to totally revamp the place. His idea is to restructure the house internally, to accomodate a room for GMIL, a room for study,a prayer room, etc.

BF : Couldnt care either way. Whichever decision is finally agreed upon, would be duly carried out by him. No questions asked.

Me : Ummm…am at a loss here. There were sooo many things I wanted to do, but now I can barely recollect even one!!

BTW, I stand guilty of having one of the most cluttered rooms in the house. I was never known as a spick and span home-maker. The Bro had even warned commented on it to the BF (before my marriage).

I have my reasons. There are many things that I’m interested in. I like doing a little bit of embroidery,painting,sketching,music,star-gazing,etc. and hence, my room has the paraphernalia related to all these activities. Add to it, the loads of stuff belonging to the twins. Also add to it that we are yet to get decent wardrobes/cabinets made, so most of the stuff lies around in cartons shoved under the table, over the table, under the bed, over the cupboard….you get the drift. No wonder my room likes the Salvation army’s junkyard!

And, I’m still awaiting consensus from the entire family for getting the wardrobes made in my room.

PS: In the IL’s defense, any furniture work conducted, needs proper planning and finance. We cant be only re-doing my room. There are 2 other bedrooms which also need to be redone, along with the hall and kitchen. Hmmm…that sure is gonna take up time (AND money). No point in me ranting about it .

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