The Chalk ‘N’ Cheese Theory

I was digging through my laptop yesterday and came across a few snaps taken from last year. We had gone on a short weekend trip to a resort near Pune ( I really have no idea how I missed out on doing a post on that ).

Anyhow, so as I was sifting, I came across a couple of snaps that captured the twin’s personalities so vividly.

These were taken when we were at the check-out counter at the time of leaving. The BF was busy paying the bills, we were waiting for him to wrap up. This being a remote resort among the hills, there was a large bunch of Langurs which were causing some trouble. The workers at the resort used fireworks to disperse the monkey-crowd. They were mostly successful.

This snap was taken as the kids observed the workers at work -

Lui was all attention, at the edge of her seat. Shobby, meanwhile, was laid-back and just looked on at the proceedings.

There was one particular langur who took a violent turn and chased one of the workers around the resort. The man ran screaming with the monkey behind him and the rest of the workers running behind the monkey. It was total chaos . Everyone was rooted to the spot because the reception area of the resort had an open plan with only a roof covering our head. Anytime, the langur could turn and come at us.

I turned to look at the kids and was transfixed by this image -

Lui : ZOMG!!!!!
Shobby : Do I look as if I give a damn!

I’m really tickled as I see this snap . Here, Lui is at her best expressive self. She is scared, worried, shocked, terrified, all at the same time.  Her face and her body language speak volumes on whats going on in her mind. Shobby, on the other hand, couldn’t care less or even if he does, he’s doing a good job of suppressing his feelings. I really cannot make out what he thinks about the whole men-chasing-langur-chasing-man scene!

As seen above, Lui is impulsive, quick to draw conclusions (something like me, I’m afraid ) . Shobby is thoughtful and doesn’t give in to emotions unless he’s convinced of what he has seen. It doesn’t mean that he is cold…he’s a rather warm-hearted,sensitive kid. But he doesn’t go about openly disclosing his feelings…much like his father

Just goes to show how very different two kids can be…even those born under the same sign and the same time!!

Amazing, isn’t it??

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Those In Favour Of LifeCell, Raise Your Hands

Note : This is not a paid plug for LifeCell

I just remembered it today when I saw the folder containing the receipts of my payment for banking the umbilical stem cells for the twins.

It was my Bhabhi who first opted for it in our family. Bro didnt have much of a clue, but Bhabhi being a doctor, decided on it. When I was pregnant, I never thought about this, but then, one day I saw an advertisement in a magazine and was bowled over. I mean, here was a sureshot way to ensure treatment in case your child ever encountered any major illness after birth. We checked the site. We called the representatives to our house for a demo. We checked out the videos, spoke to Bhabhi and a few doctors, browsed for all available information on the net and finally made a decision. A couple of years later, Bags made the same decision.
A little background on stem cells, from their website -
“Stem cells are the body’s “master” cells that regenerate and turn into the cells that form all of the tissues, organs, and systems in the human body. Given the right environment, stem cells can give rise to a number of tissues that constitute the different organs.  Also serving as a kind of repair system for the body, stem cells can divide repeatedly and then differentiate and replenish cells within the body. These unique characteristics are the reason why stem cells are considered a breakthrough in regenerative medicine. They have the potential for providing cells and tissues to treat various debilitating, life-threatening diseases.”
Check out the list of diseases that are curable through stem cells here :- http://www.lifecellinternational.com/treatable-diseases.aspx

We went ahead with the stem cell banking at the time of delivery.
Surprisingly, my gynaec had no idea about LifeCell and its benefits. When I called up LifeCell’s branch in Pune, they immediately sent a representative to the doctor’s clinic to brief them about he procedure. My doctor was suitably impressed and even went ahead with suggesting it to her other clients.
We were given the boxes months in advance. I immediately kept the gel packs in the freezer and the boxes on the table. I warned everyone at home, that the minute I land up in the hospital, they’d have to rush there with the boxes and the gel packs. The nurse’s (from LifeCell) number was set on speed dial. My delivery was scheduled for 9am on 18th Nov (through C-Sec). But the lead surgeon was not available until 3pm. In that duration, there were many hoax instances when it appeared that the surgeon had come. I must have called up home a hundred times to say, “get the boxes” and “no no, don’t get them now. Keep them back”. The BIL must have rued bitterly about volunteering to fetch the lifecell kits and frozen gel packs to the hospital right before my surgery!
Finally, when I was called in for the prep, I made a final call home and begged the BIL to rush to the clinic ASAP.  The BF, poor soul, was stuck in a meeting with a visiting client and urged me to take it cool and not rush until he  came in. As if it was in my hands
Post prep, I was led to the operation theater. I grinned my way in, totally kicked about getting the immense weight off my tummy . When I walked in, I didn’t find a nice and quiet, squeaky place stuffed with equipments. I mean, it was clean and squeaky and there were equipments. Its just that, with the circus in there, I could barely make out any !! I  mean, excluding me, there was a plethora of doctors and nurses assembled . Wasn’t it a routine C-sec?, I wanted to ask my gynaec. But they were all so busy chatting among themselves that no one paid even the slightest attention to the specimen lying on the table. Me
In between, the BF barged into the operation theater, wild-eyed and frantic.
“Don’t worry”, he mumbled, too shocked on seeing an operation theater for the first time and also disconcerted at the crowd in there.
“I won’t”, I assured him as the nurses hustled him out. Frankly, I just wasn’t worried. I knew I was in safe hands and I didnt have a single negative thought at all

For the record, there were 9 people in the op-theater, excluding me. There was my gynaec, the anesthesiologist, the lead surgeon, his assistant, the pediatrician, a back-from-Australia-doctor who wanted to observe a twin-delivery, two nurses of the clinic and the nurse from LifeCell.
Initially, the other doctors had no idea what the LifeCell nurse was there for. One of them asked her and she started explaining the concept. Eventually, the doctors lost all interest in me and started bombarding her with questions. In my limp state, I could not help but fret that the doctors were paying far too much attention to the nurse than the tummy they had just split open. I got a small glimpse of the surgeon as he rapidly sewed the tummy in place, all the while checking out the pros and cons of stem cell banking (i’m glad to say, its all Pro and no cons. Unless you consider good health a con. Its your choice, really ) .  A tiny peek from under the eye-patches and I could see the surgeon deftly sewing up the gash. I surmised that the baby-pulling-out-slapping-bottom routine was completed. Twice . Surprisingly, though the kids yelled out loud and clear (as vouched by those outside the theater) I don’t have any recollection of the sound
The umbilical cord blood was drained into blood packs and encased between the frozen gel packs, the boxes were couriered to Chennai, where the LifeCell facility is.We received news of the successful blood typing and stem cell extraction within a month of delivery (Lui is O+ like me and Shobby is A+ like his father. There, we distributed
evenly amongst us, didn’t we? )

The LifeCell stem cell storage facility is expensive. A little steep, if you consider that you may never actually need the extracted stem cells yourself. But if not you, any other member of the family can benefit from it ( you need to do the HLA matching first) if suffering from the list of ailments given above. A small excerpt on HLA typing from the website :-
“HLA antigens are proteins found in most cells in our body. Our immune system uses these proteins or markers to recognize which cells belong in our body and which do not. If the immune system determines a cell as not belonging to the body, the cell is attacked. Thus, HLA typing is done to reduce the risk of the transplanted stem cell being attacked by the immune system of the recipient. A close match between the patient’s HLA antigens and the donor’s can reduce the risk of the patient’s immune cells attacking the donor’s cells or vice versa. HLA typing is usually done for all allogeneic transplants, using a blood sample.
There are 6 HLA markers that are matched. For a successful transplant, at least 4 of these 6 markers must match. In some cases even a 3/6 match has been successful. However, it is best to have 4 or more markers that match as it reduces the risk of graft versus host disease”.

Lisa Ray, who suffered from Multiple Myeloma, was successfully treated using stem cell therapy. It just made me all the more glad that I had opted for it. More so, because it was the ONLY chance I had of securing a health insurance for my kids. Their stem cells will not generate again (except Lui, she still has a chance in future :-http://www.lifecellfemme.com/index.aspx). If the children or anyone else in the family never need it (InshaAllah), then I also have the chance to donate the stem cells to others who do need it. Or, I can allow LifeCell to use them for further research.
The reason I started typing this post was because I’ve seen so many of my friends going through pregnancies and deliveries, but no one seems to opt for this procedure   (it isn’t altogether unaffordable). We suffer from far more lifestyle illnesses than ever before, with diabetes ruling the roost in India. I have friends from by office batch, who each suffers an ailment greater than the other. I’m at present , much better than them, but its just a matter of time before age catches up. By the time our kids grow up, I wonder what else we’ll have to encounter. Good health isn’t a given anymore.

So now, People who have opted for LifeCell, do let me know what you think about it.
People who had considered and then backed out, please let me know why you weren’t convinced enough.
People who are interested, do check out this site :- http://www.lifecellinternational.com.
And once more, I wasn’t paid to write this post. I have an uncle who has severe diabetes. The doctors say that his kidneys/liver aren’t up to the mark. There is a chance that his family contemplates stem cell therapy in the future. When that happens and they need a donor, they needn’t look far





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Your Opinion Please

I had a rather interesting conversation with my cubicle mate this morning.
We were talking about astrology and somehow the topic veered towards children.
He asked me if out of my twins, the girl was the elder one. I said yes, by two minutes.
So he grinned and told me that in all the cases of love marriages (that he knows about), the first-born is always a girl.
This statement stupefied me. I thought about it and then tried to recollect all my friend who had kids. Initially, I could only think of those who had arranged marriages and had a mix of boys and girls as first-born. But as the day progressed and I thought about more friends who did have love marriages, it came as a stunning revelation that ALL of them did indeed have daughters as first-born .
Its a funny coincidence, that.
Frankly, the odds might be in the favor of girls, but I just want to know….do you know of anyone (yourself included) who had a love marriage and had a son as their first-born?
I just want to see if this quirk of nature is true or that I really don’t know many married couples who had love marriages
So help me out…chip in with some info if you have any

 

Edited to Add : When I started out this survey, I had people chipping in with their agreements and inputs on how people they knew had girls. But after a horde of comments on this post and on FB, I’ve come to the conclusion that this observation isn’t really concrete (obviously), though the percentage of girls as first- born out of  love-marriages, in India, is slightly higher than the boys. Surprisingly, by nature, more boys are born compared to girls (as first-born or otherwise) because the male survival rate is low. So after a few months/years of being born, nature equalizes the ratio.

For the record, I’m still going to follow-up on this observation because the number of people I know with daughters (nearly 10-12) tips the scale against only ONE friend I know who has a boy





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This Morning……….

………………….on my way to work, I crossed a stretch of road which is the hub of the city’s central grains and vegetable depot.  Succinctly put, its called Market Yard. This is where every morning, trucks come in by the dozens and dump a zillion sacks of grains and vegetables. The market opens up at an insane hour, probably 4am in the morning. By 5am, there is a hoard of little red and blue tempos which crowd to Marketyard to buy their share of the goods. These tempos/handcarts then travel to the other parts of the city to sell those goods. This activity goes on till 12 in the noon. I guess after that the depot gates close down. At the time when I pass that way, the traffic outside the depot gates is at its peak. It is a tough task for all the bikes, cars and buses to outmaneuver the tempos/handcarts, which take up nearly the entire road.

Anyhow, so this morning, as I reached the large traffic signal (which unfortunately turned red just as I reached it), I saw that there was a slight commotion. Apparently, a tempo crossing the signal had dropped a sack of guavas right in the middle of the road. The driver of the tempo (tempo1) was oblivious of his loss till he reached the other side, where a couple of bystanders told him that they saw his sack falling off. Tempo1 driver was worried. He parked his vehicle and tried crossing the road, but the peak rush hour didn’t allow him the space. Meanwhile, as second tempo’s (tempo2) driver, standing at the signal, saw the plight of tempo1, he quickly hopped out, rushed to the sack and amidst great traffic, somehow managed to drag it back to his tempo. Tempo2 driver waved frantically at driver of tempo1, trying his best to signal that the sack was safe. Driver1 couldn’t see properly through the traffic. And tried once more to cross the road. Tempo2 driver then hauls the sack into his vehicle, drives across the road to tempo1 driver and hands over the sack. Tempo1 driver’s face is flush with relief. Tempo2 driver gets back into vehicle, makes a U-turn and drives off in another direction.

All this happened in the few minutes it took for my signal to turn green, but it was an inspiring lesson on good-ness. On being helpful and kind. Tempo2 driver went out of his way to make sure that tempo1 driver’s sack was unharmed and was handed over to him. Its not everyday we see selfless acts of kindness, specially in cities where everyone is too rushed to help out others. Reminded me of an instance long time back, Bro was driving me to a college for a written test. It started raining and I was clutching at my folder of certificates, trying my best to prevent them getting wet. Somehow, at one point, the folder slipped out of my hand and fell on the road. I yelled at Bro to stop the bike, which he did, but a few meters ahead. I frantically signaled people coming my way to not drive over the folder. Many drove around it. But one particular chap, who was far off and had seen me, drove right over my folder and was nasty enough to give a smug look while doing it. I stood there, too shocked for words, but Bro’s yelling brought me back to my senses. I picked up the now squelchy folder and walked back to Bro. The certificates were now muddy and wet. The only sensible thing to do was to dry them after going home. I just prayed the college did not require us to submit any docs that day. Luckily, they didn’t.

But the point is, the incident is imprinted in my mind. No one really stopped to help me that day. One person was rude enough to cause more trouble. it was enough to make me cynical for the rest of my life!

The incident today gave me a warm feeling
Kindness is not dead yet. There are still plenty of people who do their share of good deeds a day.

And all is well with the world





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All Thats White Is Not Fair

//For some unknown reason, my images refuse to get displayed on this page. WordPress is acting Wonky but I cant really blame it because my office firewall is playing truant . Kindly adjust //

A funny thing happened a couple of days back.

I was at the chemists store, waiting to get a box of Pediasure for the twins (highly recommended by the pediatrician!). A man walked in and this is the conversation between him and the shop attendant(SA) -

Man : Do you have face cream?

SA : Yes sir. Which one do you want?

Man :  (looking around vaguely) Just anything….any plain face cream for men.

SA : (Dumping a few brands on the counter) Take this, Emami skin cream.

 

Man : (giving an embarrassed laugh) No no. I don’t want fairness cream. I just want any normal skin cream.

SA: Garnier sir?

 

Man : (Taking a look at the Garnier box ) I said I don’t want fairness creams. I don’t intend painting my face white!

SA : Sir , we have just these two and Vaseline.

Man : Give me Vaseline.

(The shop assistant hands over the tube of Vaseline face cream)

 

Man : Oh No!! Yeh bhi whitening?!!! Don’t you have any normal cream??

SA : Sorry sir….we have only  these creams

(A helpful lady, overhearing this conversation, pipped in)

HL : Why don’t you try Vicco?

Man : Vicco?? Isn’t that a toothpaste?

(Clearly, this man must have been an NRI!! Imagine, living in India and never hearing of Vicco Turmeric :O !!)

SA : (Placing a tube of Vicco turmeric on the counter) You can try this Sir…very herbal, good for skin.

 

By this time, even I was quite piqued by the array of face creams.

Me :  (to SA) Whats this “WSO” in this cream?

SA : Its for “Without Sandalwood Oil”.

Me : Oh!

Man : Oh!

HL : Oh!

Man : …And, how does that help?

SA : No idea sir. But regular use of this cream will make you fairer. The turmeric is for fairness.

Man : AAAARRRGGGHHHH!! Isn’t there just one simple cream that I can use?? How about Nivea??

SA : Sorry sir, we are out of stock.

Me : (taking serious pity on the guy’s plight) Why don’t you try Boroline?

SA : Yessir. Very nice fragrant cream.

(And he dumps the dark-green tube on the counter)

 

Man : I hope this isn’t a fairness cream

SA : (laughing ) He he!! Why you need fairness cream sir?! You are already very fair.

Man :

Me :

HL : |

SA : Ohh sorry, you don’t want fairness cream!! But we get demand only for whitening creams sir…thats why we have to keep it. Everyone wants to become fair now! He he  !!

Man : (paying for the tube of Boroline and turning to me) Thanks.

Me : You are welcome.

The man left the store, but I was left with many a questions in my mind.

Firstly, why indeed are Indians crazy about becoming ‘white’ ??

Why do movie stars, who are already fair, have to endorse fairness products? Do they really believe in the product? Are they aware of the psychological impact their actions have on millions??  Do they feel accountable for what they do?

Why do men have to look pretty ALL the time?? Is it a crime if they sweat at a game of tennis??

Why do women have to be white ALL OVER?? Earlier it used to be just about the face. Now they’ve gone into regions which are best not mentioned !!

A long time back, when we were looking for proposals for my sisters, I remember guffawing at the “wanted brides” section. “Tall, fair, convent educated….” , went the requirement list. Some people, who wanted to clarify that by fair they didn’t means the bride’s sense of justice, would word their requirements as ,”Tall, gori, convent educated….”.

“You know Dad, going by this list, I will never get married through the arranged marriage system ” , I once confessed to Pop.

“Hmmpphh”, was all he said, busy with his morning papers. Obviously, his daughter’s marital prospects were of least concern to him

It wasn’t so funny when we had people coming over to our place and then rejecting my sisters because they didn’t find them fair enough! For the record, one of my sister is just short of being milky-white and the other was fairer than the term “wheatish”. In such demands of ‘white’, what hope did I have? Luckily, the BF (who is around 8 shades lighter than me) never bothered about the colour of my skin. Just as well …it isn’t even a topic of discussion between us…has never been!!

My sisters finally got married to men who saw beyond their skin colour. I’m glad to say, they have perfect spouses (touch wood). Conversely, my bhabhi (who is around 15 shades lighter than my brother) never bothered that Bro was three shades lighter than Rajnikant! All my siblings had arranged marriages. They all get along fabulously with their spouses. And I’m sure, none of them would ever, EVER suggest the other to use any kind of so-called skin whitening products.

Then who uses them??

The people who  use these creams are the impressionable youth.

It is used by youngsters fresh out of college or young men/women available on the marriage market. It is used by young men who are advised that girls are attracted to only the fairest amongst them. Young girls use it believing that the same expectations rise from the guys.

It is used by youngsters who are easily influenced into believing that to achieve ANY success in life, they have to look fair. That employers are more impressed with their glowing looks than their capabilities.

Every time such an advertisement played on the telly, I would have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My kids are not fair, but given the societal expectations, I’ll have a tough time helping them build their personalities without worrying about the color of their skin. I’m already mad at that unknown person who put it in Lui’s mind that she is not fair enough and if she wants to be, she needs to use a ‘fairness cream’. So every time those dumb ads come on screen, my daughter demands that I buy her that very cream because she needs to become fairer. Any amount of counseling on the lies perpetrated by those ads, falls on deaf ears.

“Woh aunty gorey-gorey ho gaye na. Mujhe bhi hona hai”, is her stubborn claim.

Keeping the telly switched off around the twins is the best option possible.

The only bright spark in this gloom of fairness is the latest WHO report on the use of Mercury for skin lightening (Read more here :- http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs361/en/ ). The article lists out the various harmful effects of mercury. Among the list of common culprits using mercury are (from the site)  :-

• batteries
• measuring devices, such as thermometers and barometers
• electric switches and relays in equipment
• lamps (including some types of light bulbs)
• dental amalgam (for dental fillings)
• skin-lightening products and other cosmetics
• pharmaceuticals

“……….Inorganic mercury is added to some skin-lightening products in significant amounts. Many countries have banned mercury-containing skin-lightening products because they are hazardous to human health.”

Obviously, India is NOT one of those countries. I doubt whether the Government itself would think of pulling down the shutters on a 2000 crore industry (and growing), if these reports are to be believed :-

Skin whitening trend driving male cosmetic market in India

“……Having amassed a dominant share in the Indian men’s cosmetics market, fairness creams are emerging as a key trend in the country according to a new market report.”

http://www.cosmeticsdesign-europe.com/Market-Trends/Skin-whitening-trend-driving-male-cosmetic-market-in-India

 

Though this is a serious reason for concern, I don’t blame the men for wanting to look good. Women have been at the receiving end of being psyched out into believing that they are the ugliest, fattest, darkest damsels on the planet. Clever money-making manufacturers of fairness products have just shifted the focus on to the men now. The men have, unfortunately, bitten the bait .

If the above news reports on Indian male cosmetics market is true, then what can I say guys?!

Join the club

(You know when I’ll be like, REALLY worried?? When they start making sanitary napkins for the men )

*EGAD!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *

Anyhow, to end this post, I would like to say that I personally know a couple of girls who used skin whitening creams right before their marriage (as insisted on by the in-laws/family members) and ended up with severe skin rashes. Believe me, their wedding snaps weren’t very pretty .

The only way to reduce the usage of these harmful products is to spread awareness. If you see people around you using them, ask them politely why they want to use a fairness cream. I tried it with the nanny. She was flustered for a minute, then sheepishly admitted that she thought she would look fairer. I asked her then if she has found any difference from before. As expected her reply was a simple ‘No’. I then told her to stop wasting her money on it and she hasn’t used it since. Believe me, she looks much better now .

I only pray that this fetish for ‘fairness’ dies a natural death one day, preferably before my kids hit puberty !

On that note, have a great week ahead you all

Ciao!!

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The Value Of A Gift

On the twin’s last birthday, I stuck to the no-unnecessary-brouhaha rule and kept a simple birthday party at home, inviting only the neighborhood kids. Much of the day was spent in preparing the food and setting up the party. It was a working day and I had taken a leave to be with the twins. While they were at school in the morning, I rustled up the menu and kept stuff ready, to be warmed up in the evening before serving.
Once the kids got back, they had lunch and went off to sleep. I utilized this time to set up the drawing room with balloons and streamers. I was hanging up the last of the streamers when Shobby, groggy from sleep, walked into the hall. He took one long look at the colorful, shiny streamers and balloons. In a fraction of a second, his face split in two with the biggest grin ever
“Mumma!! Yeh sab hamare liye?” he asked. I replied yes, it was.
My son, bless his little toes, ran to hug me and gushed over the balloons and lights. I was quite tired out by then, but my son’s reaction made me forget my aching arms and hollow lungs (from blowing all those balloons).
My point is, its not what I did that mattered. That I did it for him, made all the difference to my kid.
He reacted similarly last weekend when I bought the monthly groceries. The twins are always eager to dig into the bags to check what could be of use to them or what surprises their mother has in store for them. I’ll confess here that try as I might, I can barely resist getting something or the other for the kids when I’m out shopping. It could be as simple as hair-pins for Lui’s non-existent hair or colorful friendship bands for the two. It doesn’t matter .
Anyhow, so Shobby came across a refill packet of Bournvita. Once again, he came running to me, “Mumma…aapne hamare liye Bournvita laye!! Aap kitne achche ho!!”
And proceeded to give me a BIG hug and a kiss while his face glowed with happiness that cannot be described in words .
The best part?? He doesn’t even like Bournvita!
My son was happy because his sister likes that stuff and I bought it for her!!
Its these simple gestures of gratitude that make all the difference. Much of how Shobby behaves reflects my Dad’s personality.
“Its the thought that counts”, says my father ALL the time.
Its a pity that not many people today value the thought behind a gift. Or the effort.
I have a cousin who is choosy and picky to a fault. Everything she owns has to fit into her aesthetics and sense of style. Needless to say, gifting her is a nightmare. After years of admonishing from her, I’ve learnt to take her along for her shopping. Let her buy what she likes, I’ll pay for it, is my mindset. But then, at the end of it, I do not have the satisfaction of gifting it. Can a gift be called one if the only contribution towards it is the cash?? Is is a necessary aspect to know a person’s likes/dislikes before gifting?? Is gifting money the right thing to do??
A long time back, I had mentioned in a post the kind of gifts that the BF had given me. The reason he still continues on that vein is that I’ve always welcomed his gifts with delight, only because he spent time thinking about me. There were times he was out with friends, yet he thought about me and bought me stuff. He didn’t have to, but he did. And that’s what matters!!
I see a lot of people around me, grumpy that their husbands didn’t gift them the jewelry of their choice, grumpy that their MILs bought them awful stuff, grumpy that their boy-friends have no taste. These views are expressed without the least concern for the time, effort and money someone else spent for them
But shouldn’t an individual’s personal taste reflect in the stuff they buy vis-a-vis stuff that is gifted? How difficult is it really, to be gracious. Accept a gift for what it is. If its not your style, don’t use it. But rebuking the person gifting you isn’t really acceptable, is it? The most common reply to this gentle query is that, “If we don’t tell them now, they will end up buying similar stuff next time. Why let them waste their money??” This may sound true at a level, but why jump to the conclusion that the other person will be generous enough to gift you a second time after you have trashed his first gift?! What makes one think themselves deserving after passing rude comments??
*Sigh*
I have no idea why I’m ranting on this thought process, now.
The closest I can think of is that after hearing a few friends being a tad unthankful lately and then seeing Shobby’s unbridled joy at the simple pleasures he thinks his mom has brought him, made me realize that the innocence of childhood is wiped out as one grows older
A pity
This post will act as a reminder to me and the kids that gifting is not just about giving or accepting gifts. It is about connection, of feeling the need to do something for someone and not just out of duty. To learn to accept and be grateful. To learn to be gracious and thankful. To be thoughtful and considerate when giving something to others.
This is just one of life’s small lessons.
I’m glad my son taught me its true significance





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The Bloody Truth….

 

…..is that I’m anemic.

(It feels horrible to confess it up front like that !)

This brilliant deduction came to haunt me ever since I read this post on blood donation by R’s Mom (office firewall doesnt let me attach the link . But you can read the post at : http://readingthroughrsmind.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/of-blood-donations-and-such/ ). Unlike me, she was blessed to perform this noble deed. Try as I might, blood donation is an activity which abhors me (and not the other way round).

Sample this -

There’s a blood donation drive at work I’m all pepped up about it and reach office at 8 AM !! All my friends gather and we collectively go down to the area where the blood donations were taking place. I was the only girl in the group. In fact, like R’s Mom mentioned in her post, even I was surprised to see that there were hardly a couple or more girls compared to the 50-60 guys waiting in queue at that time.

Just as I jauntily walked into the hall, a voice calls me from behind.

“Excuse me miss, you have to do this test”.

I turn back and stare at a pimply-faced youth, barely out of medical college holding out a contraption which roughly looked like the stand on which you put Kachhua Chhap agarbatti.

“Huh?”.  To the point I was, as always.

“Blood test. We need to check your hemoglobin levels”.

“I’ve got a pretty good count”, I defended myself, more so because everyone in the hall and outside it was watching this little exchange with rapt attention. I guess most of them were still dozing on their feet since IT people rarely get out of bed before 10 Am. Still, I felt those looks.

“Please madam. It will take only one second”.

So I reluctantly held out one finger. The pimply-medico jabbed my finger with the agarbatti stand and even without looking at the sad and disappointed look on his face I could make out that the orange-thingy that oozed out of that finger wasn’t worth donating. I kept mum though

The guy dunked that orangey-droplet in a jar full of viscous blue fluid and since the droplet insisted on floating right over the surface of the blue-fluid, I was clinically termed incapable of blood donation.

Oh!! The enormity of that declaration!!! The sheer embarrassment of being rejected when setting out for a noble cause!! It was almost as though I set out to donate clothes to the poor, destitute people living under one of the city’s bridges, only for them to grab the bag and sell it in the chor-market next day. So much for philanthropy. Or social consciousness (This incident did occur….when I used to volunteer for Goonj).

 The guys in my gang guffawed. Some insisted I ask for blood transfusion to liven up those RBCs. Aaarrggh!! Men and their stupid jokes

 I walked back to my cubicle and was the butt of jokes throughout the day. The worst part is that few of the women who never came forward to donate, joined in the chiding

*Women!!*

Anyhow, fast-forward to a couple of more years.  Good friend SK asked a much-married mother of two (me, henceforth called MOT!)  if she was interested in donating blood. There was a blood donation camp in her office which was in the tower next to our current location. As usual, the MOT was fired up and tagged along.

And right at the entrance to the cafeteria (where the camp was being held), she met her old enemy – the agarbatti stand!!

She shivered involuntarily, but then reminded herself that the blood that zipped in her veins belonged to a brave officer(decorated, at that!)  and not to a sissy. So up went the chin and her finger attacked the metal even before the girl at the other end decided to prick her.

Alas….though a tad more red than before, the blood was nonetheless rather thin in consistency. The MOT didn’t bother to look at the jar of blue-fluid which no doubt, carried her blood like a ruby tiara. SK went ahead and donated while MOT sat there, twiddling her thumbs . Half an hour later, they were back at their office, with SK carrying the cutest little plant in an even more cute pot. MOT burned in envy all the way back to her desk. It didn’t help.  Her blood didn’t thicken

Another year later,  I decided to join the crowd donating blood at the client office. I dragged in a few friends with me, compelling them to come forward and do their bit for mankind. This time, at the entrance, a doctor asked me if I had any ailments.

“Not really…I mean, I’m not ill or anything”.

“Are you taking any medications”.

“I’m supposed to…but I don’t”.

The doctor, who had a long day ahead of him, contemplated on rejecting me outright.

“Sorry, you cannot donate”.

“But -”

“Sorry, anyone on medications is not advised to donate”.

“But I’m taking supplements”.

“Which ones?”

“Iron”.

“For low Hemoglobin count?”

“Err yes”.

*frown*

“That disqualifies you, you know”.

*DRAT*

Should have seen that coming

Anyhow, crux of the matter is that I didn’t meet my nemesis (you got it, the KCAS) that day. It was a very forlorn and despondent MomOfRS who walked back to her cube.

“How did it go??” sniggered a couple of colleagues.

I swear I felt like drawing blood.

And NOT for donation!!

 —————

The crux of my lament is that there are not enough women out there who can donate blood. I’m one of the statistics of women who have a low Hb count. Its nothing earth-shattering, but alarming enough in its capacity to deprive me of simple pleasures in life. Like playing with the kids for an hour without huffing and puffing after the first 15 minutes. Or like walking/exercising for more than 10 minutes without collapsing over the exercycle!

Eating iron-rich food is a good starting point to overcome this deficiency. Spinach (palak) and dates are the most commonly suggested goods. But what is lesser known is that the presence and level of Vitamin C decides how much iron is actually absorbed by the body. There is loads of data on the internet about it so I’ll not bother hunting for links. Surprisingly, I’ve been an avid consumer of vitamin C rich food which includes guavas (highest content), sweet limes, oranges , amla and all things sour! Green leafy veggies are my favorite. Yet, for some unknown reason, the blood refuses to rise up to the point 12 mark . Nothing has helped me increase my hemoglobin levels in all these years.  During pregnancy, I took iron supplements twice a day for the entire 8-month duration. I consumed buckets-full of fruits and vegetables. Yet, at the time of delivery, I had reached my highest personal score of 11.6 only  :( .

Has anyone else experienced this problem? Are there any more anemic women out there who’ve found a cure?? Are the women with healthy Hb levels eating anything that I’m not ?!! Any suggestions, home remedies that I could try out??

By the way, there was a blood donation camp in my office recently. I didn’t go

B-U-T!!

I have started on another course of iron supplements. This is just a precautionary step, I’m not expecting it to do wonders. will update you all if I observe any positive changes.

Till then,  be generous you all. Go and donate whenever you can. I believe its a wonderful experience

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The Human Spell-Checker

I’ve been cribbing about my job for ages now!
Its not as though I hate it (that would come as too strong). I like it. But thats just about it.
A long time back, when I was in college, I found out, to my utter delight that I’m a very outdoor-sy person. You know, the kinds who has to run about for chores – buy some stuff, pay the bills, get hold of an electrician, etc.
It is rather funny that a person who has difficulty sitting in one place for more than 15 minutes, choses to join a field where she has to sit in one place for hours at a stretch. There was a time when I would be sitting at my desk at 8 in the morning, just to get up at 12 for lunch. There was loads to do at work. I was glued to the seat and my eyes were glued to the monitor.
I still wonder what I was smoking to come to this career decision?!!

The week I started my first job, I moved into mom’s empty apartment and started staying all by myself (before that I lived in a PG). Staying alone during the early years of my job was an eye-opener. I had to do everything myself. In fact, I even learned to repair stuff without the need of a whine-y repairman. Simple stuff like iron-press or electric toaster were easily repaired by me. I figured out how to fit the tube light frames and the tubes. Bulbs were a piece of cake.
I enjoyed doing these things. I enjoyed them far more than the 9+ hours I spent at work and even then, those hours were saved because of the presence of some really precious friends.
It wasn’t as though the work was bad. It was good. It gave me a good salary. Heck, I was good at what I did.
But I’m still not happy doing it (Unmana, if you are reading this, let me tell you again how lucky you are). I mean, I’m happy when I get the message at the end of the month that salary has been credited. It helps me feel secure and confident. It helps to contribute towards the house and splurge on the kids. It helps to pay the loans.
But what it doesnt help is the emptiness. The rather vacant feeling of disinterest.
I can handle this job in my sleep. But that doesnt mean it lets me sleep easy.
The BF says I don’t set challenges for myself. I swear I tried. I tried to up the ante. But what use is it to build the tower when the foundation is shaky?
I’ve been asking around lately. Asking for opinion on what others think I can do. Because for the love of God I can’t put my finger down on even a single thing I’m good at . I dabble in loads of stuff, suffering from the typical jack-of-all-and-master-of-none syndrome
Of all the suggestions put forth by friends and relatives, the one given by the BF stands closest to what I believe  in myself.
He said I should apply to be a proof reader.
Yes. I should be that person who picks out faults. The born critic. Thats the Libran in me.
The minute he said it, I knew this is what I wanna do!!
Darling BF!! He was so bang on!! Obviously, my pointing out mistakes in books to him while I’m reading, had something to do with it. The best part is that it comes naturally to me. Picking faults, I mean. Even when I’m busy reading a part of my brain goes in a tangent checking out the spellings or the grammar. I’ve listed both kinds of errors in books by reputed publications!!
I SO want to be that person who goes over what other people write (before getting published) and get paid for it
So the good people out there…..help me out.
Please let me know where to start. How to start. What kind of qualifications are needed. What I need to do to get started. Any pointer will help.
Heck! If you become a famous author, I might just proof read your books for free!!
Please bite the bait
(Just ignore the mistakes in this post. I’m rather excited, over-the-top and I have tons of work to finish before the weekend. Moreover, no one’s gonna pay you in case you do pick out the faults . He he!! I’m mean )

 

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It Isn’t Just About Educating The Boys. Educate The Girls!!

I didn’t get to see Aamir Khan’s Satyamev Jayate this weekend. Truth is, I havent caught any of his episodes on TV yet. Saw the first one on the net, but thats about it.
Anyway, so this week we had the curse of dowry as the raging issue. It is a very old and prevalent social ill so I needn’t get into the details.
But what irks me strongly is that Aamir Khan didnt get into the details too. The episode was played safe. Too safe. The inclusion of the ‘pakadwa byah’ took away some of the seriousness of the issue. This one particular case may have ended up having a happy ending, but there are hundreds of others where the girl is mistreated after marriage, dowry or no dowry!
I know girls from well educated families who saved up for their marriages. These girls claimed that they would have to give ‘at least’ 10-20 lakhs as cash, in spite of them being money churning machines themselves!! Nothing I said or did, could make any difference. A male colleague in Bangalore, once explained to me the ‘value’ of a prospective bridegroom. In his hometown of Hyderabad, a boy’s monthly gross was equal to the amount in lakhs payable by the girl’s family. So if a boy earns 25K, his market value is 25L. Not only did my friend pay up for his sister based on this guideline, but he also demanded a similar rate from his future wife’s family, which they were more than willing to give. My friend is an engineering graduate and works for an MNC. In his words, this money will just secure the future of his wife. Never mind that a chunk of that same money was used to repay the loan he had to take for his sister’s wedding. This was in Bangalore.

I met another friend in Pune, who followed the same logic. He was desperate to visit America because that would drastically escalate his market value. If he got the tag of ‘US returned’, he could demand dowry twice the market value and be paid for it. So deep was this belief that he went and did parikrama of the ‘Visa Temple‘ .
And oh! He did go abroad shortly after

The point is, these men I talk about are not villagers or small town people. They are well educated people belonging to good, upper-middle-class homes. They still have ancestral properties and reap gains from agricultural land. Yet, they are conditioned into believing that dowry is their birthright!! They have the right to demand it and get paid. They pay up for their sisters and then claim it back from their wives.
The only difference between the North and South would be that in the South, both parties are equally involved. The girl’s family is as pleased to part with the money as the guy’s family are eager to accept it. This results in relatively ‘happier’ marriages.
In the North, matters are worse. There is no limit to the amount a girl’s father pays. I have friends from really well-off families whose in-laws still demand that the girls ask their parents to install ACs in the in-laws homes or buy new TV sets (flat-screen LED ones). The fact that their son is capable of buying stuff costing twice that amount, is carelessly tossed aside. The girl’s family has to pay up. Period.
Else, the girl suffers.
One friend had to bear severe insults from her in-laws because her parents gifted ‘only’ 5 carat diamond necklaces to her MIL and SIL. The in-laws expected nothing less than 10-20 carats.

Another Maharashtrian friend, an IT professional, saved money on the sly (sometimes as less as Rs.5-10/- ) just so that she could send it to her mother. Her husband controlled her account and was of the belief that once married, her parents didnt have any right over her money, more so because she did not bring a substantial dowry with her. He even beat her up badly one day when he felt that her parents weren’t making any efforts to bring a proposal for his sister!! The man here was also the BF’s colleague. When I mentioned it to the BF, he asked me to stay out of other people’s internal issues. But was it really internal? Specially when the girl came to office bruised in 5 different places just on her face?
I was scandalized and repelled beyond words.
These are people I meet everyday. Well educated men and women. Most of them with engineering degrees from reputed institutes. Most of them coming from so-called ‘good’ families.
But when it comes to money….they all fall down so low, you’ll have difficulty differentiating them from a dust-mite.

Very few girls I meet are averse to asking their parents to refuse paying up. There are very few girls who say that they would rather earn and spend for their marriages. There are very few parents who believe in making their daughters independent, favouring the approach of ‘dumping’ her on someone else, along with a bundle of cash, for ‘looking after her’. If this isn’t treating women like commodities, what is??

There are many MILs who demand money because they feel that their son ‘deserves’ it . Never mind that half the reason they educated their son was because they want him to tend to them in their old age (nothing wrong with that. Its the compulsion that the son should, which reeks of selfishness).

From the news reports on the show, I gathered that the concept of dowry is alien to the North-East.What a blessing!! To think that in our country, there is still a segment which is untouched by this evil!!

But the crux of this post is that just ‘asking’ men to abstain from taking dowry isn’t enough. Instead of being a custom followed by parents (or people of older generations), it is something that is actively initiated by the youngsters themselves. My colleagues are examples I can never forget. Though one of them confessed that if he refused he might be ostracized. The girl’s family could go to any lengths to tarnish his image (even label him impotent ). Though willing, he couldn’t go against the ‘custom’

The solution lies in publicly shaming people who ask for dowry. Show their faces, expose them. Let the world know that such greedy people exist. If they cannot preserve the rights and dignities of their spouses, why should the media allow them the privacy of anonymity??

PS: We are three daughters of our Dad. He didn’t pay up a single penny to any of our spouses or their families. They never asked themselves. All of us have happy families/lives. This is just to let you know that it is NOT important to give dowry. Like my Dad said to our in-laws, “We give you well educated, cultured daughters who are responsible and independent. What they earn and share with your family would be a hundred times  more than what we could give you”.

So yes. Educate those girls. Let them earn their living, so that when they get married, their fathers can hold their heads high, like mine does..

 

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Whose Fault Is It Anyway ?

This is kind of silly, but I couldn’t help notice the amount of ‘coverage’ given to the Dutt-Patel brouhaha, mostly because one party of this fiasco was guilty of err..umm….not enough coverage and too much cleavage .Though, frankly, in my opinion, the other party is usually just as guilty (okay….kidding . Some people actually like them cleavages on men!! LOL!!. Okay fine…I’ll drop the topic now )

From all the news reports, this is what I gathered :-

She came dressed for a party in her ‘signature‘ style.

She is his wife’s best friend.

He thinks of her as his sister.

He rebukes her for her inappropriate dressing sense.

He tries to cover her up.

She retaliated by yelling that he touched her indecently.

Whew.

Double Whew!!

In happier times....

Now, anyone following HighHeelConfidential or any other gossip columns on the net would know by now that Ms.Patel likes to wear her Sari in a certain manner. Its a style which is very ‘Chameli’ than chic, but then if she likes it that way, who are we to question?! After seeing her for ages dressed in the same manner, her style didn’t rub in as much as before. It was almost like a resigned acceptance of her bad taste (no, no, I’m not being judgemental, just frank ). I wish I could find that link on Yahoo (or was it MSN?) where there was picture of her, in the same style of Sari, running a hand through her hair (Warning : NSFW). For some unknown reason, that particular snap had the caption, “yeh dhai kilo ka haath” !! I remember it vividly because me and the BF guffawed over it for ages. And then, he started using the same tag line for me, after which it wasn’t funny anymore . But I digress.

So coming back to the said lady.She was the one to first post snaps of the Dutt’s twins on twitter. She was the one who threw a baby shower before the delivery. She was the one who gushed about “my best friend Manyata”. She was the one who starred opposite Mr.Dutt in “Chatur Singh ** ” just recently. After all the bonhomie, I think Mr. Dutt, like any typical Indian male, would consider Ms.Patel as a close family friend, if not a relative. And if such a friend notices parts of you peeking out where they aren’t supposed to , would you blame him? In fact, the BF had the nasty habit of pointing out such inappropriateness in the dressing styles of BFS or BFC (blame it on his conservative background), though they were a million times more decent. But then, the BF thought he had a right because they were his best friends too and if BFS or BFC minded it, they would immediately reprimand him for the same. All was well within seconds.

Then what went wrong between Mr.Dutt and Ms.Patel ?

Well, in my opinion, however protective he felt towards Ameesha, Mr.Dutt crossed a boundary when he ‘publicly’ tried to correct her outfit. It wasn’t the act itself that was indecent. It was the infringing on her rights as an adult that was unacceptable. For one, how she plans to dress is no one’s prerogative other than herself. Secondly, he did his duty by approaching her and sharing his sentiments about her outfit. He should have left it at that. Going forward to ‘correct’ her attire was a blatant act of infringing on her personal space, and no one, NO ONE should be allowed to do that without one’s permission!! Secondly, isn’t it an hypocritical act on Mr.Dutts part when he accepts her attire in his movie which would be viewed by thousands and objects to the same attire in a private party where only a few hundreds would ogle?!

Though I despise Ms.Patel to the core, I can’t help but feel the shoe-bite when I step into her shoes.

Your opinions, people??

Note : Images sourced from Google images.

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