Archive for September 30th, 2009

there are days…

…when you realize that life is a bed of roses.

It’s all gotta do with BF. Sometimes, he simply ruins my routine….goes out of the way and does something which makes me realize how very lucky I am!!

BF happens to be one of those guys who are always at a loss of words…..the kinds who cant say in words what they feel. So he resorts to doing small things/favours. A few days back, out of the blue, he came home with a  red rose for me.

Whats so special, you may well ask. It so happens, that being gifted a red rose was a regular ritual in our pre-marital days. He would never meet me without first getting me a rose. NEVER!! Irrespective of whether we met once a week, or a month or maybe 2 days in a row. The rose would be there. Post marriage (in a joint family) the ritual was broken…sad part is…I never even noticed 😦

So recently , he got this rose….and me got all mushy about it (of course). After hugs&kisses I went back to my cooking. BF was in the bedroom, searching for something on the net. Shortly , he calls me in to listen to something. It was the song “Aaj din Chadiya…” from “love aaj kal”. I’d heard the song before and hadnt payed much attention to it . But BF played the song and asked me to listen carefully. And you know what?? Being held close, with his arms around me…listening to a lovely romantic number….interspersed with soft kisses on my head (BF is atleast  a foot taller than me !!)….was such a lovely experience that I know my words here barely do any justice to it !!

After having the twins, our lives got so busy that we rarely got time for each other….and these rare moments of togetherness, closeness, of love are so precious to me…I think it’ll forever be etched in my mind….coz I experience them when I was actually craving for it…but was sadly unaware.

Thanks BF. You are truly special…in everything you do…..(except when u throw that wet towel on the bed!! I could soooo kill you everytime you do that!!!)

PS: I found the snap of the rose in my cellphone.Posting it here. BTW, it was taken a week after BF had given it to me.

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I read an interesting article by Unmana, on advise to wives regarding their in-laws. You can read the complete article here.

The write-up targets those women who stay separately with their husbands and how they should manage their in-laws. Its given me inspiration to add to that list…with a small difference. I want to advise those women who stay with their in-laws. The ones who face the people , other than their husbands, everyday. Well, here goes :-

1) Accept them. The sooner you learn to accept the fact that these people are “family”, the easier it gets for you. Remember, the in-laws are equally apprehensive of your feelings towards them . You may be a part of their son’s life…but how much of a part do you form in their lives too?? Once you accept them wholeheartedly as family, better are you chances of having your say in homely matters.Trust me on this.

2) Dont critisize anyone in the family for the first one year. This is relevant. Since you are the new entrant to the family, you may not agree with their ways n means of doing things. Just watch and observe. Dont give information like, “this is not how its to be be done. In our place we do it like this…blah blah blah”. However right you may be,  remember that they have been following those methods for a very long time. And there’s no reason for them to change their ways just because you say so.  Simply observe….avoid going overboard with compliments (you may have to do it the same way next time!!).

3) Relative stock. Very important. Take a stock of thier interactions with their relatives/family-friends. Not all relatives may be on good terms with your in-laws. Avoid getting cozy with people who tend to backstab your in-laws. Its the surest way for them to seed discord in a family.  Remember that however stern/strict/rigid your MIL might seem, she still has the responsibility of keeping the family together…and that includes you. Rather than being her opponent, try and be her ally. Its not as difficult as it seems….but it does take time. If you come across relatives who start saying nasty things about your in-laws, nip them in the bud by saying, “I am sure you are mistaken. I have  positive vibes about my MIL/FIL/etc and am sure they feel the same way”. This usually works in shutting them up.

4) Baby blues. Not ready for a baby yet? Talk to your MIL about it. Take her into confidence. Express why exactly you want to have some time. What are your aspirations, what you want to achieve in the meanwhile, etc. Dont be surprised if she doesnt understand your need for delay. But atleast she wont pester you or pass snide remarks. In the rare case that she does (in front of others), you can calmly say, “but Ma, didnt I tell you why I’m delaying?” or “But Ma, you know the reason, dont you?” It works dearies…it works!

5) Rope in your partner. Make your partner aware of what your experiences are . That doesnt necessarily mean that you nag him to no end as to how awful his family is and how bad they treat you. Dont forget, they are “flesh-n-blood” and more dear to him than anything….even you. This also does not mean that you go on gushing about how wonderful they are…..coz once problem strikes, he may have difficulty believing you.Try and see his family with his perspective. Every person has enough goodness in him/her…try and find that. In some rare cases, it may not be visible…but it exists. You just have to know which chord to strike. But yeah, let your husband know your experiences at home. He may be able to help in settling you in.

I stay with my in-laws (which includes MIL,FIL,BIL and GMIL:grandmother-in-law). We do have our occasional clash of opinions…but i have learnt to live harmoniously with them. And thats what matters, because his family means the most to BF and now he can relax , since I have *ahem* succesfully become a part of his family 😀

Thats all for now. If I can think of any more nuggests of info….will post them here.

Cheers to all till then.

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