Archive for February 3rd, 2010

I went back to Big Bazaar yesterday. Looked around for that little fellow.

He wasn’t there.

Maybe he comes a little late, like that day. Somewhere around 8pm.

I’ll have to visit the place again.

Somehow, I think I won’t be able to rest until I find that chap.

The guilt eats at me 😦

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“I need some answers, RS”

Dear RS,

Its been quite some time now that I wanted to talk to you.

There is so much you seem to be doing these days, that its getting difficult keeping track of them all.

There is so much to ask you. To find out what all is going on in that little brain of yours. What makes you do what you do.What makes us fall in love with all those little actions, childish at the surface, and yet , far more mature in their content.

It is no secret that you love your brother. But what exactly makes you get up in the night at the slightest noise from him? What makes you crawl up to him, pat his back, bend down and give him a kiss, and then crawl back to where you were sleeping? why don’t you do this for anyone else??

Why do you treat him like your own baby? Why do you try and cheer him up when he’s crying, by kissing him and clapping your hands? Why do you try and feed him his bottle by directly putting it in his mouth?

Do you even realize that you are just a year and two months old??

Do you realize that you are just as old as him?

So you readily snatch away stuff from his hands at your whim, but you can’t stand to see any other kid do the same to him. You bully other kids who get too close to your brother. You snatch back SS’s toys from other kids and hand them back to your bro.

Last week, when Baji Khala was visiting with baby SA, you fawned over him with all the love you could. After they left, you went about the house searching for the baby, behind door, under the sofa, calling ‘pappa’ in that tone you reserved just for him. Your baji khala was very surprised. After all, you are just about four months older to baby SA!!

But when baby SA wanted your brother’s cap, and I handed it over to him, you rushed across the room to snatch it from his hands and then attempted to put in back on your brother’s head. So we all know who is much more dearer to you.

But the question is, what makes you love SS as deeply as you do? What makes you so protective about him? So possessive!!

Why don’t you direct those loving kisses to us. Why don’t we get them even after begging for them??

Why do you have a special smile reserved just for him? The one where your eyes twinkle and your face lights up.

Why have you grown up so fast that it hurts?

Why aren’t you the same as SS, carefree, childish, innocent?

Am I ranting because I’m jealous??

Or is it because I don’t see you getting back the same love from SS??

( Though, in his defense, I’d say that SS does kiss you and pat you to sleep….but only rarely, when you are asleep. He dare not do it when you are awake!! In some ways, he’s quite wary of you. Making sure not to annoy or antagonise you. At times, I feel he’s in awe of you 🙂 )

There is so much to ask you. But if I did, you’d only give your impish smile and squirm away. You won’t understand now that my heart breaks to see the love between you two. Its a blessing, and I can only request Allah to make this bond stronger as the years pass by.

Meanwhile, your ageing parents can only look at you in wonder and thank God for being blessed with such an angel for a daughter.

You make me proud darling.

Every time I look at you.

Sometimes, I feel that even if we are not around, you’ll be there to take care of your brother. Your twin.

But I wonder, who will take care of you? Your heart is so full of love, so fragile, so easy to hurt, to bruise. And I realize that we have to make you stronger, in body as well as mind.

We have a long way to go yet, till then, I can only pray for you.

And also beg God to let you shower some of that special love on us, your parents 😀

God bless, sweetheart.

Your mom-who’s-getting-mushy-as-she-types-this.

RS, my daughter

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