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Archive for February 15th, 2010

Living life at High Stakes!!

I read my first Dick Francis when I was 17.

And I was hooked!!

The dry, witty British humour, combined with a casual flowing narration never ceases to grab my attention. I still love a good old Disk Francis book.

Horse riding never seemed as interesting a lifestyle until I started reading him. He brought the stables alive with his indepth knowledge of them. He was a jockey before he turned into a writer.

My first book was “High Stakes” and I loved every page of it!! Do grab a copy if you can.

Dick Francis is no more. He died on Sunday night (technically, our Monday early morning).

RIP DF.

I’ll always love you for your books.

Edited to Add:

In retrospect, this obituary sucks big time. But then, I’ve never written one before.

Solpa adjust madi ūüėÄ

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How long does it take…..

…………..for a mother to realize that not all is right with her baby??

We take our kid’s health for granted, don’t we? We see them running around and creating havoc and we nod our heads ruefully, wondering how we can ever cope up with their activities.

I’m guilty of the afore-mentioned behaviour. When anyone asks me how the twins are doing, I start off on a litany on how they are driving me nuts, how they have ransacked the whole¬†house, how they have brought about disarray in our lives. This is all in good humour, but nevertheless, I take their antics for granted.

And it struck me yesterday, that there are parents out there, who’d give an arm and a leg to see their child running about. To see him/her playing and shouting, crying and demanding. To see them behave normally.

I saw such a couple yesterday when I’d taken the twins to the Ped for their Hepatitis A vaccination. They were young, worried. The man rushing around to gain an appointment. The woman, holding on tight to the baby, who was way too small, way too delicate for her age.

I realized something was wrong with the baby when I found the lady¬†looking wistfully at the twins. She didn’t smile (which most people usually do). She just looked at them with a look I couldn’t initially fathom. When I approached her, I saw her cuddling a tiny baby girl, very cute, but obviously, also very ill. I assumed the kid to be¬†about 2-3 months old, and was shocked when the lady¬†said that the baby was actually 6 months old. I hope she didn’t see the shock in my eyes. At six months, my kids were flipping over and trying their best to crawl! And here was this tiny infant, barely a few kilos in weight, too frail to even look up!!

I just gave the woman a smile and walked away with the twins. The incident refuses to leave my mind. I’ve been pondering over it since yesterday.

When does a woman first realize that her baby is not the same as others?

When she does she first accept the truth?

My elder sister’s relative, from the in-laws side, has a baby who is suffering from Down’s Syndrome. Though everyone in the family and outside knows that not everything is right with the baby, the mother refuses to accept the fact. She is still of the opinion that¬†her baby is absolutely normal and doesn’t require any treatment or therapy. Her husband hasn’t made his opinions known.

I wonder, how long will it be before she acknowledges the truth. Would it be too late? Will it make me or my sister mean people if we tell that woman that her baby’s not growing up as he should?!!¬† Should we be the bearers of bad tidings??¬† (The woman in question is not much educated and so, her Ped prefers explaining the details to my sister).

But yesterday, I saw a woman who had not only acknowledged, but also accepted that her baby was not all that well. And my heart goes out to that young thing. It was obvious that she loves her daughter and would do anything to make her get well soon.¬† A parent can help a child to over come physical short-comings. But a baby who’s brain¬†development is hampered , is tough to handle. It must take a lot of courage and patience to handle such kids.

It also made me think, what does the husband do in such cases? Isn’t it a test of a couple’s love and bond when they have a special-needs child? How do they cope with it? How would a woman cope if her husband does not support her in bringing up the child? Worse, what if her husband accuses her of having such a child in the first place?

My mind is clogged with questions galore. It made me wonder about my relationship with the BF. What if we had a special-needs child? Would it have altered our relationship? Would we still be capable of laughing our guts out at the small things that our baby did? Would we still stand together as each other’s pillar of support?

I feel guilty of doubting the BF’s behavior (he is one of the kindest person in this world!!), but its difficult to understand how one will react to certain circumstances . Hell, I doubt myself!! Am no better a human being than the next. I give in to emotions easily. I’m impulsive and short tempered. I have no idea if I have what it takes to take care of special kids.

Maybe thats why I admire the women who do end up having children with disabilities. It requires more than just patience to look after one.

It takes a heart full of love. It takes ears which filter out the recriminations and accusations, it takes eyes to see what is best for your child , it requires one to feel the touch. The warmth of that tiny bundle which reminds you every time, that whatever the case, it is a part of you. The blood that flows in its body comes from you. That you are as responsible for that baby as you are towards yourself.

And being the careless self that I am, who pays zero heed to her own body, I doubt I’d be capable of looking after a baby whose needs surpass my own ūüė¶ .

Makes me feel humble, almost guilty for having two healthy babies. I didn’t deserve them. But I’m grateful to Allah for saving me the trauma and heartache.

I don’t know where this post is leading. It may seem like a long rambley post, and maybe it is. It seems I can go on talking about it, yet never come to an end.Am not sure I even want to end it here.

But I guess I will, for now.

Its tough, really. To be a mother!!

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