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Archive for February 17th, 2010

Being a mom is tough. Awfully tough.

The minute you become a mom, it gives everyone the right to be judgmental of you. Starting from your own parents to hubby, to siblings to in-laws, to friends to EVERYONE.

The minute you become a mom, apparently, you lose every vestige of common sense and have every possible person advising you on whats best for the baby. “If we didn’t let you know, you’d have NO idea what to do. You MORON!!!”, they mock.

The minute you become a mom, you become a victim of a zillion reprimands. You HAVE to do certain things in a certain way, you HAVE to eat certain things, or else!! You HAVE to…..whatever!!

Now, if I was a shy demure bride who gave birth at the tender age of 18-20, then the above behavior towards me would be kind of , you know, justified.

But I’m not the above. I’m a 30 year old professional who has stayed by herself for quite some time to be somewhat knowledgeable about the world.

It does get my goat when I’m not sure how exactly I’m supposed to do something when contradicting opinions come my way.

Sometimes, I come across some really interesting situations .

Sample this :-

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– On feeding babies.

GMIL : Children should be fed on exact timings.Never delay their meal times.

Me : Yes dadi.

(Me diligently cooking the kid’s dinner and then proceed to feed them, this, right after I’ve rushed back from office and just had the time to change clothes).

GMIL :You’re giving them dinner??

Me : Yes dadi.

GMIL : It’s only 8:30.

Me : Yeah, that’s their regular dinner time.

GMIL : But they had milk late this evening. Don’t feed them now. Feed them around 9.

Me :  😐

———————————————-

– On toilet training

Me : Isn’t it time we started taking the kids to the loo…just to let them get the hang of it?

MIL : It’s too early. They are just a year old.

GMIL : They are just babies. Toilet training starts after they are a year and a half.

Me : Ok. If you say so.

(The next weekend, I’m at home, busy in the kitchen. Hear voices and RS’s loud yelling. Rush out to see that the GMIL is firmly holding RS in the loo and asking her to pee)

Me : Oh!!! So toilet training begins??

GMIL : Of course!! How do you think I trained your husband? You should start training early or they’ll never learn!

Me :  😐

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– On cuts and bruises

(SS runs around wildly, topples over and bumps his head. I go rushing to pick him up)

MIL : You shouldn’t be so fussy about the kids.

BIL : Yes bhabhi. You must not pay attention when they fall like this. They only cry temporarily. Then they’ll get on with their playing.

Me : It’s not easy , you know. Trying to stay aloof when you see your baby crying!!

MIL : True, but they are going to have a zillion more falls like this and you can’t be running over to soothe them each time. Let them get into the habit of tolerating a little bit of pain.

Me : Ok, I’ll try.

(A week later, the twins are playing around in the house, when SS, once again falls headlong and bumps his head. I control my impulses and stay put. Willing myself not to run over and cuddle him).

FIL : The child fell, for God’s sake, aren’t you even gonna rub his head??

ME : Wha..??

FIL : You shouldn’t be so careless about babies. What if it was a major bump? What if it resulted in a blood clot?? I have a friend whose daughter was playing…………………….got hurt……………mother careless…………(and on and on and on).

Me :  😐

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– On crying babies

(RS sucking on her empty milk bottle. The BF pulls the bottle away. RS howls in anger. I rush to console her)

BF : Let her cry. Don’t give in to these tactics. She’ll cry for some time and then forget about it.

Me : But she’s yelling her heart out.

BF : For a few minutes. Then she’ll give up. Gotta teach them that crying will not achieve anything.

Me : Okay…if you say so.

(A few days later, SS is crying because I yanked the gas lighter from his hands. SS, as expected yells like a banshee).

GMIL : What happened?? Why are you making him cry??

ME : Am NOT making him cry. I just took the lighter away from him.

GMIL : You shouldn’t let children cry like this. It isn’t good for their heart. Give it back to him.

Me : Wha…?? 😐

—————————————————-

– Parent’s comments

(The twins are extremely active babies and don’t tire of running around the house whole day. They are both on the leaner side, though RS is a little chubbier than SS).

Dad : I hope you are making time for the kids. Career is not everything, you know.

Me : Of course Dad. They are both doing pretty well and are pretty active.

Dad : But they don’t look healthy.

Me : Thats just because right now they are both down with cold n’ cough. Not to mention fever.

Dad : Still, I don’t like it. If your kids are not keeping well, you should think about your priorities.

Me : For God’s sake dad, it’s just a cold.

Dad : Just letting you know. We don’t want the twins to come to any harm because you can’t leave your job.

Me : Huh?!!! 😐

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Tell me now, what is it exactly about being a mother that EVERYONE loses confidence in your abilities??

Nothing you do is ever right. Nothing you do is ever complete. Nothing you do convinces others that you are indeed doing your best.

My In-Laws are very loving people. And supportive . Everyone chips in some time with the kids everyday. I have never felt the burden of bringing up twins till now. It has been smooth sailing.

But even the most loving people can choke you with their love and concern. Maybe that’s what is happening here. Everyone in my house wants the best for the kids. But I can’t help it if half the time they end up contradicting themselves and confusing me in the bargain.

And I end up losing EVERYTIME!!!

😐

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