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Archive for April 12th, 2010

No no.

Thats not a possibility. We were destined to meet ( there being greater powers up above 🙂 ).

But there were times, when I did feel, what if we couldn’t get married? What if our families didn’t accept each other? What if we parted ways amicably (since eloping was totally out of question!)?

The BF might have moped around a bit and then got married to whoever his parents chose for him.

Now, I don’t mean this as an insult. Its just that he’s a very practical person, and love me as much as he may, he realizes his responsibility towards his family too. And keeping a family of 6 members unhappy because of one girl, would go against his sense of justice.

As for me, I’d mope around a bit too. But I wouldn’t marry.

Not because I don’t have a sense of justice or I like to see my parents suffering. But because I can’t trust myself with someone I don’t know. For the same reason, I have immense respect for people who go in for arranged marriages. People, who give themselves to someone whom they’ve met only a few times. About whom, they know very little, or else, the version given out by the other party. How much of it is the truth? How much should they believe?

(Ummm, BFC, in case you are reading this, believe me, this post is not intended to alarm you in any way. Please don’t go by my ruminations here. Trust your judgement 🙂 )

I’m terrified at the thought of jumping into relationships. The BF, therefore, remains my first and last obsession. After him, I cannot even think of the existence of another male companion in my life.

And at times (before my marriage) , I pondered over my plans for the future, in case we didn’t get hitched. There were so many things to do, to occupy my mind . A pity, I never took down those points anywhere.

And today, I came across this poem.

How beautiful is it? How apt!!

It speaks my heart and I’m grateful to the poet , who heard the whispers of my heart and wrote this :-

 ——————————–

 If No One Ever Marries Me

If no one ever marries me —
And I don’t see why they should,
For nurse says I’m not pretty,
And I’m seldom very good —

If no one ever marries me
I shan’t mind very much,
I shall buy a squirrel in a cage
And a little rabbit-hutch;

I shall have a cottage near a wood,
And a pony all my own,
And a little lamb, quite clean and tame,
That I can take to town.

And when I’m getting really old —
At twenty-eight or nine —
I shall buy a little orphan-girl
And bring her up as mine.

by Lawrence Alma-Tadema

———————————–

The reason I’m posting it here?

It can’t be a coincidence that just a few weeks back, BFS confessed to doing just that (adopting a baby girl if she doesn’t get married in another year’s time)!!

I’m with you BFS 🙂

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……..and though I’m glad to be back at work, am already missing the kids and home!

For some unknown reason, I’m not able to plan anything for the weekends. Because, every Friday, I have a serious premonition that something will go wrong somewhere and my plans will be foiled. And you know what? I am always right .

Like the way Pallavi and I were planning on meeting up last Saturday, and I felt that I will not be able to make it. So I cancelled the plan. And guess what?? Reached home on Friday night to find that the GMIL was down with a severe fever and headache. The BF had to work over the weekend, MIL had school on Saturday and had 2-3 lunch/dinner invitations for Sunday and the BIL had to travel to H’bad for a wedding. Crux of the matter being, I couldn’t leave poor granny alone with the kids. The maid?…..well, as I’ve sung praises of her before, you’d know that she is no where close to being reliable to be left all alone with the kids!!

Anyhow…I guess its time for me to update you all on the weekend activities/happenings :-

1) Performed some pest control at home (desi style). This is a preventive action to ward off possible roaches, bed-bugs and the like, which seek refuge in houses during summer. The concoction consisted of water, kerosene and a little phenyl (floor disinfectant) mixed together and sprayed in all corners of the room. Obviously, this ensured that I had a load of washing to do. Bedsheets, bedcovers, pillow covers, the twin’s plethora of spreads , covers and blankets, all went into the washing machine.

2) Did some Spring cleaning too. That means, dusted all the tables and furniture in the room, sorted drawers, cupboards, shelves. Pulled out a zillion unused stuff to throw out. And then put them back in. So in all, I simply dusted stuff and put them back in their place. Whats wrong with me?? Why can’t I throw out clutter?!!! No, seriously, I need therapy which will rid me of this obsessive behaviour of cluttering! I feel that an unused hot water bottle, which has outlived its usage , is melting at the corners, may just be required for some other household use. So I save it. A multi-pin extension, bought by the BF, which has not served any purpose till date, still occupies its regular spot in the drawer. A full packet of cotton swabs, medicated soaps, lotions, help-books, trinkets, and many more such things are lying unused for as long as I can remember. I guess its time I either threw them out or gave them away.

But I just can’t bring myself to do that!! I need help 😐

3) Made some brinjal curry, which found an ardent fan in the nanny. She’s the only one who praised it while licking her fingers. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to retain her for longer than I’d planned. I need her to feed my ego. God knows I crave appreciation around here !! Specially since the BF will do anything, but actually voice the opinion that yes, the food was good. He’d rather choke on it first!!

4) Called up a doctor from the nearby hospital to come and visit granny. She was all weak and ill and in no condition to go to the clinic. The doc who appeared at the door made me wonder if he was old enough to shave!! Oh well, an intern then, I thought. Was seriously doubtful as to his expertise…but then, a few moments with the GMIL and I was assured he meant business. Firstly, his fingers didn’t tremble when he administered her two shots. And secondly, his diagnosis was quite on target, considering I didn’t give him much detail when he had dropped in. So yeah, he scores a little on the reliability front. He had given some strong prescription for GMIL, which, though brought down her fever, is yet to cure her headache. I guess we’ll just have to go in for a medical check-up like the doc asked us to to do. A blood check maybe to start with. In the meanwhile, poor granny is surviving on milk and fruit juice, the only things that she can consume without throwing up!!

5) Went for dinner to a place where the MIL was invited, but she was tired after a hard day at work and just wanted to chill out at home with the kids. The BF was asked to go in place of FIL. And as expected, he blew a fuse at that (Since he had to spend a Saturday in office and was looking forward to sleeping at home). Experience tells me that asking the BF to do anything against his will is a typical case of ‘lohe ke chane chabana’. For me , at least. So I had to face his ire and grim mood throughout he evening. Didn’t like it one bit.

6) The kids are both uber-clingy these days. I thought it was only RS who clung to me like velcro, but these days, SS is giving me the velcro treatment. He refuses to go to anyone else. He wants to be with me the whole time and on top of that, I’m supposed to carry his highness around. If I sit down, the wail-machine sends out a siren loud enough to send the pigeons scooting to the next building. Its getting awfully tough handling these two now!! Moreover, on weekends, I take one kid with me after lunch and try to make them sleep. I thought it was a problem with me that , whoever is with me, refuses to sleep. The one with MIL or GMIL would be out like a bulb. On this, the MIL joked yesterday, that the kids miss me so much, that they don’t want to spend a single minute with me sleeping. She didn’t realize that the joke hit me real hard. And without a moment’s notice, I hopped on to the guilt wagon once more 😦 . I do give the kids time, but to know that it is not enough for them, to know that the twins hate to have me out of their sight, that they cling on to my clothes and follow me around just so that I don’t trick them and disappear, is so, SO disheartening. They are too innocent to realize my sentiments, too young for me to explain that besides being their mother, I’m a fiercely independent woman, that I need to go out and do my own thing.

7) Pulled out the travel bags from the storage and spent the first half of Sunday wondering what all to put into it!! I mean, the last time I took the kids for a vacation, was to B’lore, to home, and they were just 4 months old then. The only thing I’d carried then were their nappies and loads of diapers. Life, was so much simpler 😀 . This time around, I’m so confused! Apart from the clothes (which harbours a question, how many outfits would they ruin in  a day?), diapers, powders, creams, medicines, shoes, socks, blankets, napkins, wet-tissues,food, milk and toys, is there anything else I need to pack? People who have travelled with kids, could you give me some pointers? I’m travelling to Delhi in the peak of summer. How do I make sure my kids are healthy and happy?? Any trivial tip from your side would be most appreciated 🙂

8) Carried on a cold war with the BF, who was in office yesterday , but didn’t tell me that he was going for work (no doubt expecting the worst from me if he’d disclosed this fact earlier, but seriously, I have a RIGHT to know, don’t I?) . He came back around 5pm and I haven’t spoken to him yet. He has no idea anything is even remotely wrong and was last seen happily watching IPL. Grrrr….. where the BF is concerned, I harbor just two extreme emotions. I either love him to bits or I feel like chopping him to bits. Yesterday was a case of the latter!! He’s still alive, in case you are wondering if I gave in to my extreme emotion!! But the day is not far, I tell you……he tempts me way too much for his own good!!

9) There’s another thing that has the BF seriously ticked off. BFC’s pre-wedding ceremonies are in a club which is owned by the Army and as such, their rules apply. Which means, he is supposed to wear western formals in order to enter the premises. Now there is one thing he hates to the gills. Wearing formals. AND, wearing formals in SUMMER. PLUS, he just found out that he doesn’t fit into any of his wedding suits. Tough luck, I say!! With just a week to go, he’s been trying to forage for suit to take along. No luck yet!! Maybe we’ll just leave him at the guest-house and us girls will go ahead and have some fun 😉

10) I performed two violent acts this weekend. Slapped RS on Saturday. And then slapped SS on Sunday. Now, it wasn’t a tight slap administered with force, but it was sharp enough for them to pay attention. In both the cases, they deserved it and I won’t get into the details now. But after that, if RS does something naughty/wrong and I scold her and raise my hand , she cringes so violently that I’m submerged in grief. This is exactly what I was dreading!! She’s too young to know that she did something she shouldn’t. But she remembers that it hurts. And there’s nothing I can do to erase that memory now 😦 . I feel like an awful person, specially because I’d always vowed never to raise my hands on the kids. That they will be punished in a different manner, but never physically. I don’t know why I didn’t remember this vow when I’d slapped them…

This post reads more like a confessional than a weekend update…..but I guess it summarizes what the last couple of days were like for me.  Like they say, life is a mixture of spices…..and this particular weekend was just a tad too salty and sour for my liking !!

Anyhow, let me just dump the Monday blues and get on with work now. Loads to do before this weekend.

Ciao for now 🙂

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