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Archive for December 15th, 2010

On being 30+

No, this post isn’t about me.

(although I agree I’m on the other side of 30 ūüôā !)

This is about my friends who are 30 plus and what they are facing in life today.

For the record, my BFF group has two members who are 30+ and still single. Which isn’t really something bad. Both my friends are strong independent women who have made a life for themselves and their families. BFG has set up her own business¬†and BFS¬†just bought a house for her parents. In fact, for the last few years, BFS¬†has not only run her household, she has also supported her younger sister’s education and its related expenses. Slowly, but surely, she has now bought a vehicle and also¬†booked a house. I know I’m immensely proud of my friend for doing all that she has, because somewhere deep inside, I know I wouldn’t be able to handle the hardships that she has!! She not only has my unbound love, but also deep admiration. The same goes for BFG.

I met them both yesterday when I attended BFG’s¬†sister’s wedding. Since no good proposals were turning up for BFG¬†, she gave the green signal for her younger sister to get married. I believe her parents were in a quandary, but it was rather generous of BFG¬†to take this decision. And oh, a few years back, even BFC took the same decision. Her younger sister got married much before her. I know it is a taboo in our society if a younger one gets married before the elder one, and I know how much flak these two and their parents must have received! But these girls were ready to brave society for the sake of their sibling’s happiness.

Anyhow, so there I was at the wedding, waiting for the baraat¬†to come, when me and BFS¬†got talking about her single status. During the course of conversation, I found out some really startling facts. BFS explained how difficult it gets each day when she has to thwart attempts by lecherous men who think she is ‘desperate’ to get married. Even the flirting is not harmless anymore as more and more men claim themselves available for her. What’s worse is that most of these guys are husbands of her friends. Some guys are her childhood friends. She thought they would know her better. But alas. Just because she is still single, they shower her with their sympathy and boldly claim that they will find a suitable guy for her, if not then they are ready to present themselves!!

Thank you, but NO THANKS!!

BFS¬†had a bad experience in love and I’m not surprised that she is playing her cards rather carefully. She doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice and doesn’t mind waiting till the right man comes along. Heck, she’s not even keen to find a man anymore. I don’t blame her. The cad who left her was a stink-worm from the word go. While BFS¬†was struggling and fighting with her family for this guy, he was busy planning on relocating to Australia where his fianc√©e¬†was a resident! Yeah, that’s right. He had a fianc√©e¬†tucked in one corner of the world and was busy cozying¬†up with another here! Thankfully, BFS¬†found out about him before she took the final step of leaving behind her family for him. It was a shock, a brutal one at that, but the way my friend came out of it is remarkable. She is now so much stronger and wiser, a new confidence brimming from every pore, something which totally defies her tiny petite frame!

As for BFG, she’s rather reserved in matters of the heart. Though she did come close to nearly accepting a proposal from a guy, who also turned out to be¬†a rotten deal. Luckily, BFG¬†was not deeply involved with him and she could back-out in time with minimal heartbreak. But the scars are there. It’s not so easy to give oneself up for love when one suffers such setbacks.

Apart from the love-lives, my friends are a huge success in all other aspects. They are financially independent women, decision makers, responsible elders in their families, whom other members look up to. Whom even friends like me look up to. I envy them their success, their rock-solid foundation. It is only a matter of time before they too settle into matrimony or motherhood. I don’t wonder when, because I’m sure they are meant¬†to have a family of their own. And more than anything else, I’m glad they have supportive families, loving parents and siblings who come what may, stand behind them. I know BFG¬†and BFS¬†have to face¬† a lot of ‘well-meaning’ relatives who question them on their single status. Though frankly, it is none of their business! One guy, who is a friend of BFS’ elder sister, even had the audacity¬†to preach BFS on how she’s in denial mode and how she’s taking her family on a wild goose chase (groom-hunting) and how she should just confront her parents and accept that she’s not interested in marriage!!¬† It was a total WTF moment when I heard this. Who the hell is this guy to decide whether BFS wants to get married or not. Who the hell is he anyway? The interfering busybody!!! If it was me, he would have received an earful by now and if he ever had the guts to face me, I’d go straight for the jugular!!

Phew!

I’ve been rather disturbed by the talk I had yesterday.

Why can’t people leave girls alone? Why is their existence defined by their marital status? I know my friends want a husband (and children too) , but why should they agree to marry the first lout who comes along? Is growing older synonymous with being choice-less? What if they are waiting for the right guy? Who are we to decide when the wait should stop?

There is so much that needs to change……but isn’t it high time we directed some respect towards women?! Specially ones who have proven themselves in every possible aspect, except marriage! Why term them failures just because they don’t have another surname appended to their own? Why be judgemental of them or think of them as ‘loose’ or ‘available’?!

My heart went out to BFS¬†when she admitted that more men ‘proposed’ to her now than before and that most of these guys are married men!! What were they thinking?!! That just because she isn’t married, she’d be willing to hop into their beds?!! Eat crap guys!! Because that’s all you deserve!!

There’s not much I can do for my friends, except maybe pray for them to be stronger and ride this wave, to not let ugly words and attitude ruin¬†the good that is today. I know they will ultimately get what they deserve, both of them being gentle, loving girls who will never hurt an ant!

But seriously, is it a crime to be 30+ and single??



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