Archive for January 7th, 2011

I stay with my in-laws.

Which is not at all a bad thing. I like their presence and am grateful that I have their complete support and cooperation in bringing up the twins. If not for them, I would have yanked off all the hair on my head and run away from home. Thankfully, that is not the case. I’m still sane (Ameen 😀 ) .

But when I hear of friends setting up elaborate romantic dinners at home, or taking off to new places on a whim, or just talking about hanging around the house in their pyjamas, I feel the slightest twinge of regret. Or maybe guilt!

There must be a thousand such dinners that I must have planned, all in my head. Their execution is yet to see the light of day. Or night, as the case may be. In my 4-years of married life, I think there have been only 2 instances of me being with the BF at home, all alone. Two instances out of which, one was rudely cut-off when the in-laws decided to come back home 😀 (We were lucky not to be caught being naughty 😉  but the mood was killed even before it got underway 😀 ) . For the second, the BF was supposed to be out of town, but came down with a fever and was advised bed-rest. The dutiful wife in me spent the day in pati-seva!!

My in-laws are very understanding, compared to most conservative muslim households. It is my FIL who encourages me to pursue certifications to further my career (what career?! What certification?! I ask!! I’m lucky to be still employed 😀 ) . My MIL holds the fort whenever I’m getting late and doesn’t mind running after the twins, even if she returns drop-dead tired from her school. The GMIL has undertaken the responsibility of the twins in the absence of me and MIL and for that reason alone, I’m eternally grateful to her. If not for her, either me or the MIL would have to quit our jobs!!

But there are times when I want to be alone with my husband. To rustle up a romantic dinner set to soft music and candle-light. To talk uninhibited or loudly, without a care as to whom I will disturb, to wear what I want to and not just what I should. To be able to feed the kids, not bothering if they mess up the entire setting or to sing them silly songs and laugh as loud as I want to.

No one has ever stopped me from doing any of the above. I’m not sure if they would mind.  I know that if I did the same at my place, my parents wouldn’t mind. Heck, they wouldn’t even if my Bhabhi did all of the above.

But I know that BF sees his parents differently. He treats his parents with much deference and if he feels they wouldn’t like it, I don’t question him. So I guess what I’m doing right now is spinning a whole lot of yarn trying to cover up my rant against the BF 😀 . It would seem like that, I guess (at least to me when I re-read all the text above ).

I don’t have any complaints against the BF. It sure was surprising initially, when I found out that my very bubbly, mischievous husband had a serious, responsible persona at home. I thought it would be a temporary change. Maybe he was shy around his family. A love-marriage can make a person behave very differently indeed.

I was wrong. All these years (before marriage), I had seen only one side of him.

I see the bubbly side of him only when we are out together (rarely) or when I go home to my parents (even rarer). But at that time, it feels just like how it used to be. The way I knew my BF before we got married. But for some strange reason, he can’t be the same at home, in the presence of his family. Irks me to no end, but then, its his family and I’m no one to decide how he should behave with them !!

They are as much his support system as I am. They have as much a right over him as I do. They are used to seeing him in a different way and I don’t want it to ever change because of me. When I casually mentioned the BF’s behavior to the MIL (after my marriage), she was surprised. According to her, he was always like that. Shy and reserved.

SHY?? Reserved??

Are we talking about the same guy here? I wanted to ask her. But thought it better not to 😀 .

And so it stands. I live with a guy who has two different personalities. I revel at the way his family looks up to him, taking his decisions as the final say. I preen when not only the immediate family, but also, the relatives turn to him for help and guidance. I feel so proud of him when I hear even far-off relatives praising him to no end (including mine 😀 ) .

But I miss him. The one I knew. The one who’s always smiling and is always ready with a witty quip. The one who can make me laugh so hard as no one has ever before. The one who’s a child at heart whom I love to pamper. The one with whom there is never a dull moment.

I miss those times. And he knows it. And that’s the sad irony of it all.

Its only times like these that I wonder how life would be if I were living alone with him.

And then reality strikes hard and I realize, I’m a horrid home-maker. I count my lucky stars because my in-laws look into the daily matters of groceries and stuff. I never have to bother 😀 . Other than making breakfast, I doubt I contribute to the house in any way!! The MIL and FIL share all the work between them (and I should let you know that running a household of eight people isn’t all that easy!!) .

So I’m right where I started. I can’t live without my in-laws 🙂 .  Looks like I’ll just grin and bear the BF’s serious spell.

Romantic dinners can wait. For now .


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