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Archive for February, 2011

Lui : Mumma…..woh powder ka dabba do.

Me : No baby.

Lui : do naaaaa

Me : Nopes. Aap waste karte ho.

Lui : Nahin karti. Plish do.

So the mumma relents and hands over the talcum powder jar to her darling daughter. The little munchkin upturns the bottle and sprinkles some on her palm. Little Shobs hops over to his sister and is immediately engrossed in what his sister is upto. I’m glad to see the two occupied and go ahead to the drawing-room to catch up on some newspaper.

There’s silence in the house.

Ten minutes later, I’m queasy. Weren’t the kids a tad too quiet?! But then I chastised myself for thinking the worst of them. A little time by themselves won’t hurt anyone, I consoled myself. So I dug in my heels and stayed put. Twice more,  I almost got up to check on them and both times, I had to put a restraining order on myself. Until I could bear the suspense no longer and just had to take a peek at what the kids were busy with.

So I crept up to the bedroom and with immense stealth (any FBI agent would be proud of), took a quick look.

And almost fainted with shock!!

My kids had turned my room into the Antarctic !!

There was white powder everywhere. Everywhere!!

On the floor , the bed, table, clothes, towels.

One look at the twins and I did another double-take.

Egad!!! Lui was drenched in talcum, head to foot. Only two little beady eyes escaped the white-onslaught! Shobs was a little better, but then I guess it was because he was the one wielding the talcum powder jar!! The MONSTER!!

I gingerly walked towards my purse to grab my cellphone and almost slipped twice!! Goodness! People, hear this advise loud and clear – Talcum powder is not to be tread on by the faint hearted. There is equal probability of you suffering a stroke or breaking your bones. Either way, avoid!!

So I managed to grab the phone, focussed on the brat and went click! Lui didn’t like to see her brother stealing her thunder, so she shoved at him and demanded that I click her snap first. Oh well! So I asked her to stand facing the lights and focussed on her.

Lui immediately ran out of the room. Hey!! I yelled, don’t you want your snap taken?

She returned shortly with a pair of plastic goggles bought by the nanny. Donning the frames, my daughter turns around to face me and demands that I click her now. Oh well, well. If that’s how you like it, I grumbled.

That is how, ladies and gentlemen, my kids turned out to look like this :-

Check out that smugness!! the bugger !!

He did dab some of it on his face. But the chunk of the white stuff went on Lui.

"Hope you like this pose Mumma...As you can see, I'm doing my damn best to get selected for the next Ms.India contest"

 Frankly, I admit I get spooked each time I take a look at this snap of Lui 😦

The best part? After the photo shoot, Lui crawls up to me and simpers , “Mumma, mai goli goli ho gayi”. 🙂

Laughs apart, am really ticked off with whoever put this thought in her head that she needs to be fair. Looks like there are a LOT of invisible demons to battle in this parenting jig 😦

Anyhow, the bigger issue here is to give my kids a crash course in the beauty business. I gotta buy me some compacts and blushers soon 😀

Edited to Add :-

There were two important points I missed out on while I was hastily scribbling this post. Thankfully, watchful readers Raghu and Sheetal pointed them out to me  🙂

Firstly, I did have the urge to spank the monkeys, but they looked so remorseless, I guess the effort would be lost on them 😦 (there was also the small matter of me being barely capable of reaching  them without slipping and fracturing my spine!!)

Secondly, there was  a maha-yudh for the cleaning process. Careless people like us keep only one broom in the house. Obviously, there was a major screamathon in progress with both tykes wanting to do their bit to clean the room 🙄 .It doesn’t help that they can’t sweep in one direction and instead, just swipe the broom all over the place. So the talc went into places which were earlier clean! I did think of vacuuming,but seriously, was too tired to bother 😦

Just picked up the bed-sheet and replaced it with another one. As for the rest of the room, well…..it turned out to be a  looong night 😦



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Good friend Srihari forwarded me this link –  My Son, the pink boy.

I hung on to each word, because it said a lot I’d have liked to, but only better. It also brought out memories of this post which I wrote when people started objecting to my son painting his nails red and playing with dolls 🙂

Its a pity that we are so strait-jacketed into thinking in a certain way that anything out of the blue immediately sets our alarm bells ringing.

Anyhow, do check out the link above (and also Sarah’s blog)

*****************

I wanted to post this particular news day before yesterday itself, but work and bad mood didn’t permit it.

Seriously,I want this woman to be awarded the highest civillian gallantry award!!!

Way to go girl! I wish the educated female populace had half the guts you have !!

******************

Puss in boots  😀

I really have nothing to say here. Just thought the entire fiasco was pretty (un)funny.

Maybe the starlet should post a snap on twitter, posing with her ‘friend’ and ‘sister’ . That would answer all the questions , wouldn’t it?!!

******************

I used to be a rediff regular.

That is, before they started posting tiny, sleazy video images on the home page under the guise of “follow”.

Seriously??

Do they really expect people to follow the innumerable “MMS scandals” and “car mein sex” rackets?!!

Err…..correction people. I just hopped over to check and found that people *gulp* actually do follow !! Really 😐

******************

Rounding up, hats off to this guy. He’s practically managing a little village by himself.

The best part?? This news gets publish in a UK tabloid before it hits the Indian media 🙂

India. Population.Yeah, we are synonymous like that 😀

*******************

Last but not the least, do the body-painted men-in-blue gross you out as much as they do me?!

This particular image makes me go “Ewwwww” !

I did hear some tidbits on these snaps being photoshopped to slice off the flab and pump up the ‘ceps. But not able to find the related links.

Never mind.Will post them as soon as I find them.
***************


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The Smoking Zone

Ever seen a smoking zone?

That special space in office areas specially designated for people who need their two puffs before they can make it through their next task ? An area of seclusion, of peace, little chatter and much pondering. Of people grouped together, but all in their own little space. Of cigarettes shared, lighters lit.

I’m envious.

Not because they get to smoke and I don’t (not that I WANT to), but because their urge to smoke forces them to spend some time away from their desks, reflecting on what they are doing, what needs to be done, what they’ve accomplished and and what they haven’t. One friend even confessed to spending this quality time listing the movies he’s seen and the ones he hadn’t!! How rad is that??

I mean,I’m burning the office chair, working my butt off, fretting over the tasks assigned and whether the kids had their meals on time or not. And here are these guys who take time off work, walk all the way to the smoking zone, light up a couple of ciggs, let the smoke clog their lungs and wonder about life and all things important. Now you would say, who’s stopping me from stepping into the smoking zone and doing some reflecting myself?!

Wellllll…..

Aw c’mon! Really!

A non-smoker in a smoking zone? Passive smoking? Is it worth the trouble?

But that isn’t what my rant is against.

I hate the smoking zone in my office complex because its such an awesome place to be in. It has these large granite benches, complete with backrests, a covered overhead, flowery bushes behind and placed in a location between two towers, which ensures that there’s always a cool draft blowing through that zone. Every time I pass that way (that  is twice a day, morning and evening on my way to/from the parking) , I walk a little slower, just to absorb the atmosphere, the cool breeze, the lovely picturesque skyline. I can feel my feet dragging, begging me to settle on one of those black granite benches, soaking up the silence and sometimes,  the minimal conversations taking place. But a quick look confirms that the place if full of men (and I mean, really full!) with barely any place for a podgy momma.

Its soooo romantic!!

The office smoking zone is something like the one above, only, better benches and covered 🙂 . The one above is sourced from Google images 😀

The BF feels I’ve lost it when I mention to him my deep desire to have the smoking zone to myself. Kids and work seems to be taking a toll on me, he figures. Bed rest is what you need, he advises further.

Gaah!

Little does he know!!

Just look at the scene above. Doesn’t it evoke the strong desire to grab a mug of coffee, your favourite book and immerse yourself in it to become a part of the picture?

No?

Well, it must just be me then 😦

But just imagine, what if that dumb “Smoking Zone” sign was removed? Then?

He He. Now you know what I’m talking about 😉

But the best part of my grouse is this  – the men have hogged the smoking zone. And there is NO OTHER such area where the women can sit. A few brave women smokers huddle in some corners, but seriously girls, you gotta take over much more than just the last bench on the corner turn! The non-smoking women have a few metal benches to sit on (note the metal bench part) with no overhead cover. So though we might think of stepping out and gobbling some greenery, the only way to do it is standing on your two feet, because your posterior would never forgive you if you tried resting on the benches 😐

I guess I’d be less rant-y if we had smoking zones like these :-

Cool, aren’t they? A wee claustrophobic for my choice, but then, what am I smoking? But can you imagine how it would feel to be cooped up in there while you did your drags?

Am sure the ventilation system is state-of-the-art . These modern smoking zones look pretty serviceable. Much like using the loo. You come in, do your job and walk out 😀 . And if you want to ponder standing, then ponder away good friend 😀 .

I’ve come to the part now where I’m done ranting about the lack of quality space for women in office areas. Frankly, I have no idea how to end this post. Should I be doling out suggestions on where a working woman can go rest her tired, achy feet or throw a few choice cuss-words at the injustice of it all or should I just throw caution to the wind and claim one of the smoking-zone benches as my own?!!

Much as I’m tempted to do the latter, better sense prevails, still. I guess the BF wouldn’t take too kindly to a wife who reeks of Four-Square or Wills, not that he would notice the difference anyway! Unlike his wife whose father puffs away packs and a brother who seems to be giving the pater the chase . It isn’t doing them any good, but then, like all smokers, our admonitions roll off them like water off a duck’s back 😦 . Pity.

BUT.

I can live with a little cigarette smoke. There’s a lot less of it than the fumes I breathe in and out everyday on my way to work. And frankly, I’m not repulsed. I kind of like the smell, specially when I just catch a whiff of it and nothing stronger. Though I cant say the same for smoker friends whose clothes smell as though they’ve been through a round of the dryer with a carton of cigarettes hidden in it. It helps that I keep a jar of mints on my desk where the guys drop by gratefully for one. Helps keep the air a tad bearable 🙂

Aaah!! I figured finally out how to end this post!!. I just claimed to do my bit for the benefit of humanity, didn’t I? I provide mints to guys who’ve had a tad too much to smoke and make the air comfortable enough for other people to work in.

*Smirk*

Philanthropy and me walk hand-in-hand (if you hadn’t guessed already)

😉



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Because in all likelihood, I’ll probably chew off your head for no fault of your’s.

If you haven’t guessed already, I’ve had a rotten weekend. And a not-so-good beginning to the new week. I want to wail and scream, wallow in self-pity and have oodles of it showered on me. I want to be pampered silly and told that like ain’t all that bad after all and life can be rosy and so on. I want a giant Fish-o-Fillet burger and a jumbo coke right now!!

But since all that isn’t gonna happen, I guess the only way out is to vent out my woes and release the pressure building up in my head. Or heart! Frankly, I have no idea why I feel so hurt, when nothing is actually paining, if you get what I mean!!

Anyway, here’s a brief summary of what all went wrong :-

Saturday :-

1) The nanny came in late.

2) Had visitors the whole day.

3) The twins turned up the crank-factor up by several notches.

4) I was PMSy (another painful story here, but not elaborating for obvious reasons 😀 )

5) Had a lot of shopping to do, could make time for it only around 1pm. In the heat!! I’m grilled tender !

6) More guests in the evening. Coffee, tea, biscuits, cool-drinks for the kids. New guests – Coffee, tea repeat.

7) Got dinner ready.MIL and FIL went out for a family function in the night. BIL called to say he wont be home for dinner. BF said he wasn’t interested in what was prepared at home.

8) The young doctor who stays two floors up wasn’t available to administer GMIL her injections. Got chided (albeit mildly) by the FIL for not paying attention and booking her time earlier! Yeah right! I wonder why such responsibilities aren’t given to the two other men in the house who spent the day glued to the TV?!!

Sunday :-

1) Made Uttappa and chutney for breakfast. BAD idea. Was standing at the gas stove for more than an hour, serving hot uttapas to 8 adults (excluding me) and two kids.

2) Made lunch, washed dishes.

3) Maid on leave. That resulted in 2).

4) The twins fought over me. *gasp!!*  Let me repeat – they fought over me! Just when I wanted to take a break and rest my head for a few minutes!!

5) Guests. Guests. More guests. Chat, smile, talk,smile.

6) Coffee, tea, biscuits. Repeat.

7) FIL brings in 2kgs of carrots.”Gajar-ka-halwa”, everyone screamed. “Who’ll take up the grating work”, I asked of everyone. Believe me, I’ve never seen people disappearing before 😐 .Grate, grate , grate. Cook.

8) The in-laws went out for a wedding. The BIL said he wont be home for dinner (again) . So I thought of resting for a while. The BF mentioned he had to buy shoes. I told him to go out and do the needful. He insisted that I accompany him. This decision was taken at 8pm. Close to the twin’s dinner time. I said we should feed the kids first. He said the store would be closed. We’ll feed them something outside. I acquiesced. BIG mistake.

9) The twins were cranky 5 minutes after stepping into the mall. Took us a while to hunt for the shoes section in Shopper’s stop. One confession here – Even BigBazaar is better managed in terms of space than Shopper’s Stop!! Anyhow, while the BF was busy choosing his footwear, I was being driven nuts by two kids clamouring to be carried in my arms. Lui issued threats, shouting my name out aloud. I got loads of raised eyebrows and “cant-she-manage-her-children” looks. A few were kind enough to throw a bit of pity my way 😐

10) The BF chose shoes which I hated on sight. He refused to exchange them.

11) The twins were howling by this time and we made quick for the basement parking. Lui tried to outrun us and fell down, bruising her knees badly in the bargain. But my angel girl (YES!! I call her an angel here) who cries if I don’t wash her bum, was mighty controlled .She didn’t cry or whimper, just said plainly that she was hurt and it was paining 😦 . I assured her that we would go home soon and wash the wound. By now, it was way past the twin’s dinner time.

12) The BF suggested dropping by a burger joint and grabbing some burgers. I reminded him that there was plenty of cooked home at home, stuff which I had spent time and effort in preparing and he better have it. We even thought of stopping by McD’s and grabbing some fries for the kids, but Lui was beginning to scratch at her wound and I wanted to wash it as soon as possible. So we headed back home.

13) By the time we reached home, Shobs was so hungry that he became irritable and angry. But he had his food, thankfully 🙂 . Lui had a little too, but then suddenly, she started throwing up. And threw up everything she had since evening 😦 . She started crying, Shobs was crying, the BF got more irritable by the minute. My guess is he was feeling guilty for the kids’ plight, but was too proud to admit it. I was exhausted after the long day and was barely in a condition to manage the two. The BF took over Lui and I took over Shobs. We went into separate rooms and tried to put the kids to sleep.

14) By the time my head hit the pillow, it was 12.

Monday :-

1) Maid on leave 🙄

2) Decided on making gobi-parathas for breakfast. BIG mistake. Thud thud thud *banging my head on the wall* . WHEN will I learn?!!

3) Cranky kids, level 100x .

And as I type this, I get a call from the nanny that the twins are both suffering from loosies 😦

Am rushing off home people. And yeah, if you meet me on the way, AVOID!! Take a detour, turn back.

Just.Dont.Meet.Me.

 



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Foto Friday

( Concept copied from Shail’s post 😀 )

I’m having a tough time bringring up –

Innocence :-

And Attitude :-

(The twins trying out their father’s new sunglasses 🙂 )



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Husbands!!

Goes to show how keenly men adhere to their wives’ words!! :-

——————————————-

A wife asks her husband – a software engineer: 

“Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!”

  A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had eggs.”

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I’m the monster mom.

The mean one, the one who hollers after two angels every second, the one who doesn’t think twice before whacking their bums red or forcing them to brush their teeth or force food down their collective gullet. The one who yells at them to wake up and move  their sorry asses off the bed. The one who cries like a banshee when they jump with gusto on the springy sofa, or throws a fit when the two insist on playing with cold water, in the peak of winters.

I’m the one who’s always screaming, shouting, yelling,spanking.

The one who, heaven forbid, does her best to do the maximum damage to the little innocents.

In all, I’m Hell’s Mom. Period.

And it is time to put a leash on me.

And who should take it upon themselves to do the needful, you ask.

Well, who else?

The wee little innocent babies who have to face the wrath of their mother each day. The poor suffering mites who cringe in fright and burst into inconsolable sobs when a spank lands on their bum (its a different matter altogether they enjoy the spanking and ask for more 🙄 ) . But focus.

Today,we read up on how the virtuous two take their revenge.

Warning: Please do NOT share this post with any young ones. Believe me, you’ll NEVER see the end of it if you do 😐

Instance 1 :-

I’m in the kitchen, busy preparing lunch, humming to myself and frankly, minding my own business!! Little Shobs skips over to me and asks, “Mumma, kya kar-re”??

“Cooking betu”, I reply lovingly.

“Mumma, Lui kahan hai??”, he prods further.

“Room mein”, I reply, nodding towards our bedroom.

Shobs happily skips away to meet his sister. I can hear the two discussing something but it’s too far away to make out the exact words.

I go back to humming and chopping vegetables.

WHACK!!!

“OUCH!!!”, I scream and turn back on receiving a resounding whack on my posterior. And  see a tiny little figure trembling with fury, one hand wielding a plastic cricket bat, glaring at me for all he was worth.

“What was that for??”, I yell.

“NOOOL!!!! Lui ko maali?!! Haan?? Mere bachche[sic] ko maali?”

“What?? WHAT???”, I racked my brain to recollect when exactly I’d done the evil deed. Surely not since morning that day.

“Nahin maari beta. Lui is lying”, I replied vehemently.

Gripping the bat harder, lips quivering and eyes blazing fire, the tiny-tot threatens, “MUMMMA!!! Lui ko nai maaro! Haan?”.

“Haan betu”, I reply meekly, unable to stand the wrath of my laadla beta 😦

I guess the mother-son bond carries no meaning when confronted with a  bhai-behen ka rishta. I can’t fight them if they gang-up against me this way, one making up stories against me and the other up in arms against his mother 😦

 

Instance 2 :-

Toilet training is taking a beating these days. Literally.

I was proud of Shobs for at least letting us know when he wanted to visit the loo, but lately, he’s given up on that too. So he ends up pee-ing anywhere and everywhere 😦

A couple of days back, I caught him peeing on the bed !! I didn’t yell this time, I was just VERY stern when I gave him a look and asked him where one should pee.

“baaathloom”, he quivered.

“Then why didn’t you go there”, I got louder.

“BWAAAAAANHHHHHHHHH”, he replied promptly, getting louder by the minute.

Lui comes running to the room, gives Shobs one look and turns to shout at her mother,” Aye!!! Kaakoo maali Shaabi ko?!! Kaakoo maaali”.

“I didn’t”, I defended myself.

“Kaakoo maali Shaabi ko Nool!!!”, she persisted and then turning to Shobs says tenderly, “Aa shaabi aaa. Aa mere paas”. Shobs crawls over to his sister , who immediately hugs him to her bosom(?) and pats his back. “Nai ro shaabi, nai ro”.

Brother sister hug each other for some time before turning to glare at their mother for infringing on their private space.

I have no option, but to quietly walk out 😦

 

Instance 3 :-

I’m in the GMIL’s room, serving her breakfast. The BF is busy with his morning workouts in our bedroom. Just when he starts with his on-the-spot-jogging, Shobs rushes over to him for a hug. Not surprisingly, the BF’s knee hits Shobs on the mouth who immediately bursts out crying. Mortified, the BF picks up his son and tries to pacify him. I heard Shobs crying, but knowing that the BF was with him, I thought of feeding the GMIL her medication first before I rushed to Shobs.

Meanwhile, Lui dashes to the bedroom, sees Shobs crying, rushes to the GMIL’s room and hits me hard.

“Ouch!!” , I yell. “Kya hua??”

“Shaabo ro-ra na!! Kaakoo Shaabi ko maari??”

“Wha-?? I DIDN’T!! Not unless you are accusing me of telepathy”, She continues to look at me sternly.

“Never mind”,I say and proceed to the bedroom. I take Shobs in my arms, who’s whining piteously. Lui whacks me again.

“Now what??”

“Shaabi ko davva do. Woh ro-ra na!!”

“Kaunsi dava”, I prompted, just to check how much she knew.

“Woh”, she says, pointing to a jar of Vicks vaporub.

“Nahin Betu.Woh nahin lagate. Shobby ko burn hoga “.

At this point, Shobs bursts out into fresh sobs.

“Didiiiii…..mumma davva deti nai”, he wails to his sister, unmindful of the fact that he’s sitting on my hip!!

WHACK!!!!WHACK!!!! Lui hits me again and again.

“Ouch!! Stop please!!”, turning to the BF, I plead, “Do something!!”.

The BF, who’s enjoying this free-of-cost entertainment, says, “Lui, mumma ko nai maaro”.

“Davva deti nai woh!! Kaakoo deti nai?! Shaabi rota na!!”

The BF is rolling on the bed laughing while I try to convince the kids that Vicks is not the right medication to be applied on the mouth. Luckily, I could divert them with a little vaseline, which according to Shobs healed him immediately!! Thank the Lord 😀 !

For the record, Lui whacks real hard when she’s at it and I need a pain relieving balm myself 😦

These are just a few of the hundred instances that take place each day. Every time  I raise my voice, I’m admonished :-

Lui : Nool!! Kaako mujhe gussa karti??

Shobs : MUMMAA!! Daanto nai!

I still manage to get my way though, being larger and stronger than the two. But I’m worried. Going by the way the wind blows, I wouldn’t be surprised if the kids sue me the next time I as much as touch them 😦

*Just hoping and praying hard that they never get to understand what “suing” means 😐 *

Here’s a snap of the two, just out of bed, taken last month (taken from my cell, which explains the baaaad picture quality) :-

*sniff*

 

Its kind of cute the way the two stand up for each other. I don’t envy that. But I guess I’m more worried about them standing up for each other for the wrong reasons!! Then again, it’s too early for them to know which reasons are right and which are wrong.

Like the BF says, this is the time they are developing a bond which will be stronger than what we have with them. Their interactions have just begun. They go to each other for comfort, for company for fights and for make-ups. Maybe once they grow up, they wouldn’t need to share their secrets with us anymore 😦 *Sigh* .

I feel I’m already losing them before I could even get them 😦

Oh woe me 😦



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