Archive for November, 2011

Accident Prone

Hello Hello Hello….

I’ve been away for long and NOT because of exceeding any ‘limits’ if you know what I mean πŸ˜‰

I’ve been a little unwell, with the silliest of flu bugs doing the round of the house and the outside. EVERYONE around me is either sniffling, sneezing, coughing or burying their faces in their handkerchiefs. I’m not burying my head yet, because runny noses are not my thing. Clogged head and sore throat is more me. The only way out is loads of steaming, the result of which is that I now look about as appealing as a week old momo. The twins have it better…sore throats and sniffy noses are self-treated with squash extract drunk straight from the bottle which again, comesΒ  right out of the refrigerator and runny noses are wiped on any available fabric (mummy’s dupatta, dadi’s sari, Abbu’s shirt, bedsheets, pillow-covers, curtains, you-get-the-drift). Please remind me to pull out a new sofa cover and spread it out for you when you visit. And err….in case I offer the squash, kindly refuse. I tend to forget at times that them bottles are within easy reach of the twins 😐

Anyhow, bugs apart, life’s been good. Got a lot done last weekend. Organized a small Birthday party for the twins on Friday(on my own. Yippeee πŸ˜€ . Will do a post once I get some time to download the pics) , drifted in and out of a bad cold on Saturday, got together with the BF to do a round of pest control and dis-tempering of the bedroom on Sunday (why distemper? Because we are poor. Also, because the walls looked ugly as sin, thanks to the twin’s art work). Once again, drifted in and out of fever in the evening. Monday morning I called a colleague to let her know I couldn’t come to office. She in turn informed me that she wasn’t coming either. We are both critical to the project task at hand. She is 8 months pregnant. So I popped in a couple of crocins and reported for work. Tuesday was better, but by only a slight margin! I had to literally drag myself out of the house 😦 . Any hopes that the management would notice my dedication was tossed out of the window when the said managers questioned me about the snowfall levels in Pune. All because I was huddled under my shawl trying to stay awake and alert in spite of a bad headache and fever )!

Also on Monday, I managed to get a bruised knee while trying to pull the curtains on the other side of MIL’s bed. In my effort to make sure I didn’t fall on her in the process, I leapt off the bed sooner than I was ready to, and in turn, knocked my knee against the metal hook that holds the side barriers in place. Aaaarrghh! It hurts just to remember it!! There was little bleeding and much bruising. Its black right now, so I guess healing is on its way.

And hey! I had an accident this morning. Nothing major, just that my bike skidded at the traffic signal near my place. Luckily, I had already slowed down, so the fall was not bad. And oh, the skid was because some kind person had filled large pot-holes with loads of gravel.Must be the city corporation. They take their jobs very seriously 😐 . Since there were no major injuries (or minor), I picked up myself and the bike off the road and shot off to work (what did I just tell you about being dedicated?!) . Only after parking my bike did I realize that I had a sprained ankle, which swelled up as the day progressed. I can walk, surely, but not without a twinge of pain shooting up my leg sporadically.

*Sigh* The travails one goes through for that roti-kapda-makaan drill!

Luckily, since bad luck comes in three’s and I’ve reached that mark, I can safely assume that happy times are around the corner πŸ˜€
On that note, albeit a little too late, have a great week ahead folks πŸ™‚


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Taking That Step

Thats it. I did it.

Finally asked for release from the project I’m working on. Something which I should have done about a year back, but given the level of procrastination I live in, it took me another year to conclude that working here has given me nothing in terms of experience or exposure (BUT it has given me some valuable friends for which I’ll forever be grateful).

I’ve been working at the client side for two years with no increment, or promotion and with neither of the two visible in the near foreseeable future. My managers back in my company are not here to evaluate my performance. The managers at the client side give their feedback and couldn’t care an iota what my managers do with that feedback. Also, I think I’ve suffered the ignominy of being a ‘contract employee’ for long enough. More of a ‘worker’ maybe. Not that I have anything against workers, but when I see all my efforts going to naught, its time to wake up and face the truth. All work and no pay indeed makes this MomOfRS a really angry employee 😐 . I’ve finally decided to put my foot down and demand what is my right.Jab jaago, tab savera !!

But there is a small niggling doubt at the back of my head which keeps asking me if this is what I want. Not the release. I do want that. I mean the work that I do. I feel happy doing my work…..but not exhilarated at the thought of going to work every morning.Β  Is the job to blame or the work? Apart from the salary, what value has it added to my life? I spend more hours at work than I’d like to. I come back home exhausted and drained. The work hours, the long drive to/from work and beating the traffic make me more than tired at the end of the day. Even at work, I do something that I’m good at, but not exceptionally so, that I’m irreplaceable. The money it brings in is welcome, but where is the charm?? Did I lose it on the way to my 8+ year career? If yes, why didn’t I realize it before? If not this, then what? What do I do now that I can earn just as much to pay off the loans but still have time to play leap-frog with the twins?


(Time for me to take a deep breath )

For now, I’ll just it back and do the work assigned to me. And wait, till I get called back. Once on my own turf, I’ll think, and I mean, really think, what I must do with my life.

As ever, suggestions are most welcome πŸ™‚

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Weekend Updates

It seems this blog is now relegated to a single weekly post. I’ve been very careful in not making excess usage of the permitted net limit and ALSO trying my best to make the kids understand my need to blog from home. Surprisingly, they just don’t like to see me sitting at the laptop and not so surprisingly, I don’t mind their resentment. I haven’t done any post from home for the last 5 months πŸ˜€

Anyhow, I have all these random things I want to talk about, but not enough time to do a full post on it. So I’ll just jot them down here in no particular order :-

1) Its that time of the year again!! I mean, if someone were to hand me a negative probe in my left hand and a positive probe in my right, I’m sure the bulb at the end of the probes would glow bright as the morning sun! I’m practically sizzling with electricity. Everything I touch gives out a spark ! Yesterday morning was the limit! Shobs was happily chattering about how to feed his father to the big-bad-wolf and I couldn’t help thinking how cute he looked. So I extended a finger to caress his soft cheek. CRRRACKK!! Not only was the spark audible, it was also visible! Shobs, who was stunned into silence, just gave me a sad baleful look. “Did it hurt?” I asked him apprehensively. He nodded in the affirmative ! EGAD!! The one thing I always feared came true 😦 I’ve always known that I’m a good conductor of electricity…and I always feared that I might hurt my kids because of it. Till date I was always careful…but my little slip this morning has made my son jittery of touching me 😦 . What do I do now?? Does wearing cotton gloves help??

2) We went to see the prospective girl’s family last Saturday. I think in our exuberance at finally finding someone for the BIL, we might have missed out on some of the minor glitches from our side. Like the fact that the BIL is a tad over-weight. Ummm…make that more than a tad 😦 . It didn’t help at all that EVERYONE from the girl’s side was reed thin. All the men that is. Her sister was a different matter…but then, the sister had delivered a baby a couple of months back, so she can be excused.
Anyhow, they were a little disappointed (?) on seeing the BIL’s large frame and became reclusive. How else could you explain the fact that we stayed there just over an hour’s time when it took us 3Β  hours to reach there in the first place! BUT….They served us some really tasty dinner for which we were more than grateful :). As for the BIL, he’s a little disappointed. The meeting didn’t go as expected and though he tried not to show it, we could see that he was hurt 😦 . “Oh well”, said the BF when I mentioned the BIL’s sad demeanor, “a little heartbreak wouldn’t kill him”. I still find it hard to believe that this guy had a love marriage. Heartbreak doesn’t kill? Yeah right! Talk to all those guys jumping off cliffs and consuming not so healthy potions to prove their love!

3) I read Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni’s “Arranged Marriage”. What a collection!! This lady has a spell-binding effect on her readers (or me , at least). Un-put-down-able! Thats what I think about the collection. And the story called “Ultrasound” must have been the starting point of the other two books, Sister of My Heart and Vines of Desire, both which I have read and possess πŸ™‚ . And oh, I’ve also bought Palace of Illusions, so that now my book shelf looks like a dedication to Ms.CBD πŸ™‚

4) I GOT MY LEARNERS!!! I mean, so what if an average American kid gets it at half my age….point of the matter is that I can legally drive around in our car (that is, if the BF lets me touch it , which he is reluctant to do till date). “Pay the driving school a thousand more and continue practicing on their cars”, he says before swinging the car keys on his index finger and sashaying out the front door. Hmmpphh!! Time for me to start saving for the car I now MUST purchase (at any cost) if I have to prevent my driving skills from getting rusty!! As for the twin’s college fund, lets just say, I’ll let them do their Bachelor’s in Arts ,not because it is the cheapest course (well, mayyybe that too) but because they have some real skills in the art department πŸ˜› .

5) Yesterday was a shocker ! No nanny, no maid, no cook and worst of all, no MIL!! I groaned audibly when the MIL informed me of the state of events before she left for a wedding. She was sorry about the whole situation and asked the BF to assist me. The BF indeed helped me, by bathing the twins and taking only 45 minutes to complete the task, by the end of which, he was too exhausted to lift a finger, except maybe to switch channels!

Surprisingly, I spent more time in the kitchen yesterday than I would have otherwise had to. I just made lunch in the morning, rest of the work was done in the evening. I churned butter, made ghee, spent a large amount of time grinding all the necessary pastes (ginger-garlic, coconut, green-chilli, etc), made dinner, washed utensils, clothes, tended to the GMIL and kept an eye on the kids. And I did all this with a contentment I rarely feel anymore. I mean, the same tasks which seem like a burden at any other time, were actually calming and therapeutic in their ordinary-ness. Peeling garlic, stirring the ghee, shouting out threats to the kids…..I never thought I would be smiling to myself as I knead dough for cabbage-parathas at 11 in the night πŸ˜€ . So yeah, the shocker was that I had to do EVERYTHING by myself and surprisingly, I enjoyed doing it all. So yeah again, no rant this Monday morning πŸ™‚

6) HAPPY CHILDREN’S DAY !! Though, for the life of me, I cant figure out why it has to be on the 14th of Nov! I mean Chachu Nehru and all that him-loving-kids story is all bunkum. Sure we were made to mug up all those tales in school….but I doubt anyone, anyone believed in it. The other story, the one about children’s day coming exactly 9 months after Valentine’s Day, now that one made more sense 😐 . Or maybe, we just lost our innocence too soon 😦 . Whatever the case, I forgot it was Children’s day today. When I called up home in the afternoon, got to know that the kids got chocolates at school. Good for them…. One more reason to love school πŸ™‚ .

Thats all for now…maybe I’ll do a meaningful post once I get a little break from the hectic routine at work.

Till then, Ciao πŸ™‚

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I have twins who don’t really understand that not all kids have siblings and that too, of the same age. So they are surprised if they cant see a baby boy along with a baby girl when we visit friends. The two are so used to each other, that even though I try and prevent fights between the two, they invite each other for the same. Sample case – They both fight over who will add a spoon of Protinex mix to the GMIL’s milk. I usually give the granny milk when the two aren’t around…but when they really fight it out, I rush to get two spoons, fill them both half-way and then ask each of them to add it to the cup.

Painful procedure this 😐

Anyhow, so one day, while Shobs was busy with his father inΒ  the bedroom, I sneaked in some milk for the GMIL. Lui saw me and asked me whom the milk was for. I said it was for Big-dadi. So what does little Lui do? She goes running to the bedroom yelling, “Shobby, Shobby….chalo….big-Dadi ke milk mein powder dalenge”. So Shobby promptly dashes out of the room, runs up to GMIL’s bed and then the two fight over who will add the powder :roll:.

But there are other times, when they genuinely tend to each other.

One such instance happened last Sunday.

So last Sunday, while I was busy running around doing my regular cleaning tasks, the kids decided to give me some respite and headed to the room for some play time.

(Suspicious behavior, or so I thought on hindsight. but then, thats the problem with hind-sight….it hits you only after the deed is done 😐 )

Anyhow, as I was busy in the kitchen, I realized with a jolt that they were rather quiet. Too quiet in fact. Very unlike them…….so with goosebumps crawling up my spine, I sneaked up to the room and peaked inside…….and let out a sigh of relief.

For my two little munchkins weren’t really devising plans on making me grey early. They were busy painting their nails with a bright orange sketch pen!

I looked on in wonder as Lui, the picture of concentration, bent her head and meticulously painter her brother’s nails! And this is the same girl who had trouble colouring within the lines 😐
Check out her nails…..she did that herself!!

Once she was done with all of Shobby’s ten fingers, she showed him the pinky-white nails of her right hand. “Shobby bhaiya…..mere haath mein polish nahin hai”, she mewled. “Aao, mai lagata” , says little Shobs and proceeds to colour his sister’s right hand’s nails.

So engrossed were the two with this little activity that they paid no heed to an eager-as-a-beaver mother who went click-happy with her cell-phone to preserve the image of her children indulging in some team work πŸ˜€

I think the BEST part about having twins is that they never lack company. Whether it is to fight with or play with or shout at or tattle about, they always have each other.

(The only drawback being that sometimes I feel left out 😦 )

But, it is more than reassuring to know that they are there for each other πŸ™‚

About the nailpolish….well, I did try washing it off (to much objection and screams of protest) because I’d read that the ink is poisonous and frankly, I’m not always around to check when they put their fingers in their mouths. I wasn’t very successful with the washing, the ink seemed rather stubborn. By Monday evening, it became rather faint and was almost gone.

Last evening, they coloured it purple 😐 . Yes, Shobs included.

Sometimes, twins are simply that – twice the trouble 😦

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The twins - after helping their chachu cut the cake!

PS : Its getting  difficult to say they are twins! Lui is shooting up and my son seems in no hurry to catch up with her 😐

PPS : Note the nail-polish on Shobby’s fingers. Right after the nanny applied it, he chided her, “Mai girl hai kya?” Wonder why didn’t think of it when she was putting it on 😐

PPPS : Thats the GMIL’s alcove behind. We use the curtains to separate her area from the drawing room. Right now they are parted to let her see the television (exactly where Lui is looking right now!)

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I should have done this post last month (VAW) , but it lay in my drafts as I struggled through work and a hectic life at home. But its never too late to look for answers and suggestions.


We have two house-helps. One is a cook, the other does the utensils and clothes. They both started working for us around 3 years back. But that’s just one of the similarities between the two. The others being –

  • both have abusive husbands
  • both have husbands who do not earn or earn less than them
  • both have children dependent on them
  • both have zero support from relatives
  • One has teenage sons who demand everything from video games to mobile phones.The other has a son-in-law who beats her daughter black and blue if his demands are not met.

The cook’s husband is an alcoholic. She had taken steps to get him admitted to a local self-help group for alcoholics…he was even clean for 3 months. But Diwali poured water over her efforts as her husband drank enough to ooze the booze through every pore! Thats her statement, by the way, not mine ! She has been single handedly running the household, with two sons studying in good English-medium schools. She wants to give them a good education and a better life (Any mother would).
Post Diwali, her husband is after her to purchase him an auto-rickshaw. He has demanded the same from her father. Obviously, everyone is reluctant to give in to his demands. One of the key reasons being that he had an auto-rickshaw earlier that he had to sell-off to pay his alcohol-debt. She doesn’t want her father to pay for something that her husband has no respect for and will most likely sell off again. Her own refusal results in either a black-eye or bruises all over her skeleton-thin frame.
What has she done to deserve such treatment, God alone knows.
What keeps her from walking away from this man and starting her life afresh (not that she isn’t doing everything herself now), she alone knows!

The maid has a teenage son who has nothing better to do than pick fights with the basti-boys, get beaten and laid up in hospital for days. She has a husband, who for all his efforts, isn’t able to earn enough for his family. Also, he beats up his wife whenever the mood strikes him. Her daughter was married off early and now suffers because she isn’t allowed to go out for work and her husband expects his in-laws to fulfill his demands, the latest being, he needed a gold-ring which was allegedly promised to him at the time of marriage, but never materialized. When the maid expressed her inability to purchase said ring because of rising gold rates, he resorted to beating her daughter black and blue. The hapless mother went around begging for money to pay for the ring.

I took the trouble of informing the maid that the more she ran around for that guy, the more he was likely to make her daughter suffer. He knew her weak point for her daughter, so if he can do it once, he’ll do it again and again. Surprisingly, the maid thinks that all those beatings are a small price to pay for her daughter staying ‘married’. Because walking out is NOT an option, however rotten the guy. And not so surprisingly, the cook too thinks the same. For the record, the cook is Hindu and the maid is a Muslim. And both women believe strongly that marriage ties are NEVER meant to be broken, never mind if they break their own bones in the bargain.

I’ve been fretting over these two ladies and I wonder why the maid’s daughter doesn’t pack up her kids and come to Pune and stay with her mother. She can contribute to the house by being a house-help herself. I wonder why the cook cannot move out and live with her parents for a few days until she finds accommodation for herself and her sons. She has no dependency on her husband whatsoever, so why should she put up with his tantrums and his wayward ways?

I have a healthy respect for the institution of marriage, because I can see how it benefits me and my family. If these women had the kind of security I do, I wouldn’t question them on their decision to stay married.

But suffering abuse day-in and day-out does not a marriage make!

Suppose the sides were turned. What if the man was the bread winner and home-keeper, both. What if he looked after the kids and made sure his wife was well-fed and also paid for her *gasp* bad-habits. How long do you think that man will suffer such a wife? It would take seconds for everyone around him to suggest separating from such a wife.
Whereas in the case of these women, all their relatives, including the in-laws, beg them to ‘adjust’. To stay for the sake of their children. To bear the pain now for rewards which will appear in future (magically, I assume).

It is rather hard to watch these women struggling through such a life. I know life for them will be loads better if only they had the guts to walk out. I know a lady who walked out of an abusive relationship, worked hard and made a living in a newΒ  city,Β  with a daughter in tow. I was privileged enough to stay in her house as a paying guest during my PG days. Life wasn’t easy for that lady either. She alone knows the efforts she had to put in to make life successful for herself and her daughter. What helped was that there was no one to decide for her. No one to beat her up lifeless for days. No one to fear.

And I wonder, what do my house-helps fear when they are the ones who keep the gears of their family greased? When they are the decision makers, they are the bread-winners, they are the mother and father both, then why do they let a non-entity tear their self-respect and pride to shreds? Why don’t they simply take hold of a rolling pin and give it back to the abusers?!!

Am I too violent in my thinking or do you agree with what I say?

Note: Image courtesy - Google images.

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