It took me more than 5 days to gather the strength to mention the GMIL’s demise.
We knew she was gone, but a part of us refused to accept it. Each time we entered the house, we would peep into her room. It is a habit that we find difficult to get rid of. There is no granny there, of course, only the hospital bed and all the paraphernalia that she needed. It took time to sort out among her things and decide on whom to give all those rolls of cotton, those bags of diapers, her clothes, sarees……
Each time her topic comes up, at least 2 members stifle their tears. I think its mostly because granny was such a strong personality that her death has just left a big vacuum in our lives. I might have ranted about her interfering ways earlier, but then, it was a testimony to her never-say-die spirit that kept her actively involved in all the happenings at home! She wasn’t just an old lady sitting in a corner. She was the one who ran our household.
The last year was very trying on us. Me and the MIL struggled with our new responsibilities. Till then, we never had to worry about the gears of running a house. I would have thought that the last year gave us some practise. But it isn’t so. With the granny gone, we feel at sea. Completely, totally lost. I know this isn’t the end, that life goes on and time heals everything and all that jazz. But the truth is that it still hurts big time just thinking about her. We all have our regrets, I was too rude to the old lady, the BF didn’t spend enough time with her, the BIL didn’t give her the chance to see his bride, the FIL didn’t send her to Haj on time…..there’s a whole list of it! Every conversation at home starts with a “What if….”.Its no use, really, but the mind doesn’t sit idle. There are a hundred things that we feel we could have done differently. A hundred things we could have said but didn’t . A thousand moments that we could have spent with her but didn’t.
Death puts our priorities into perspective, doesn’t it??
I’ve been receiving so many messages since yesterday’s post. They are simple messages of condolences…..but they work wonders. We’ve heard of words healing, but I never actually experienced it until yesterday. All those heartfelt comments were like a balm. I’ve asked the BF to go through them too…
I saw this mail from Dad just yesterday (though he had sent it last week itself). As always, he summed it up beautifully. Putting up an excerpt here, because it gives an idea of the person that the GMIL was .
Thank you Dad.
I may not be able to thank you all personally, but this is my vote of gratitude. Thanks for making me feel better. Your kind words really help.