Archive for March 22nd, 2012

I first read Erma Bombeck way back in late 1990s. I wasnt even in college then, but her subtle humorous take on motherhood was captivating. I gobbled “Family -The ties that bind…and gag”, “The grass is always greener over the septic tank” and “If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I
doing in the pits?” All these books are a rib-tickling collection of her experiences as a mother and as an observer of life. I came across some of her quotes on the net the other day (I was hunting for some good mommy quote for a friend) and the memories of her books came rushing back. I distinctly remember wondering back then, if I could take such a lenient view of life when I became a mother. Truth is, I cannot. I find it hard to see the funny side of things when my daughter smears nailpolish all over light green curtains or when my son flings my phone across the room in a fit of temper. Recollecting such instances, I marvel at how coolly Ms.Bombeck dismisses such behavior. For example, just the day before, I saw a dinner plate lying in the passage of our house. Obviously, it was kept there by the twins. There were plenty of people at home, but no one had picked it up. I growled inside wondering why it was always me who has to do the picking up and keeping it in place. And then yesterday, I found this quote :-
“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”

I swear I laughed out loud, sitting at my desk. The quote rang true and applied to my situation aptly. After that one quote, I hunted a bit more and pulled out more such jewels (you’ll find them in ALL her books, but posting a few here, because I really felt like sharing them with you all 🙂 ).
“When I stand before God at the end, I hope I have not a bit of talent left, and can say, “I used everything you gave me.”

“Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”

“Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.”

“Seize the moment. Think of all the women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”

“A child needs your love most when he deserves it least”

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”

“Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

“All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. ”

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”

“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to
have a market on the supply. “Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?” Don’t you want to save some of
the pizza for your brother?” Wasn’t there any change?”

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”

“Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”

“I don’t know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.”

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

“There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, ‘Yes, I’ve got dreams, of course I’ve got dreams.’ Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they’re still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, ‘How good or how bad am I?’ That’s where courage comes in.”

“He who laughs…..lasts.”

“Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.”

“In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn’t danced on TV.”

Plenty more such wisdom in her books. Do buy/borrow and have a read. Totally worthwhile 🙂

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