Archive for April 30th, 2012

A single word. A multitude of emotions.
Fear.Helplessness.Disbelief. Denial.
A feeling so overpowering, that at times, it robs one of their speech. You want to say something, but the words just don’t come out.
All you can feel is that numb shivering in your bones. The eyes dart about frantically. The heart beats so loud, you can’t hear anything else.
And in all this, you keep chanting, “this can’t really be happening”.
Well, it did happen.
Yesterday, I came a hair’s breadth close to losing my kids. Both of them.
I wonder now, how I’m still sane enough to come to work. How I can get about my regular routine when my entire world would have turned upside down in minutes!! Just recollecting it sends shivers up my spine, though frankly, a little practical sense nudges me into realizing that what happened yesterday was not a catastrophe.
But it could have been!!
And thats a difficult pill to swallow 😦

On Sunday, we attended a wedding at a neighbouring township, which is close to an hour’s drive from our place. After the wedding, we went to meet the BF’s aunt (FIL’s elder sister) who stays in that township.The twins had been here a couple of times before, but the last visit was well 7-8 months back. We were all exhausted, because it had been an insanely hot day!! The twins were sorely irritated by the heat and had made my life hell, clamouring to be taken back home or to be carried 😦 . At the aunt’s place, I took the opportunity to sit down and relax for a few minutes.

Little did I know what it could have cost me then!!

The aunt’s house has a back-door that opens into a tiny lane. The lane connects the houses on the entire stretch , meaning, all the houses on both sides of the lane have their back-door opening up to it. At one end of the lane is the tarred road. If you take a right from this road, it leads up to the heavy-traffic main road. The kids were playing by the back-door. I called out to them, warning them not to venture out further. Lui replied that they wouldn’t. I settled back once more but had an ear out for the kids..

It couldn’t have been more than a minute when I realized I couldn’t hear them. I asked the BF to have a look, but he was tired too nd loathe to get up. So I rushed out to the lane. The kids were nowhere to be seen. I first took a right on the lane to check if they had any other house by mistake, since all the houses looked alike.

They weren’t there.

Then I rushed out to the road and looked around. They were nowhere to be seen. This was when I felt the first rush of panic.

I ran back inside and told the family that the twins were nowhere to be found. Everyone scurried out , calling the twins by their names. There was no reply in return. Everyone fanned out on the different lanes. There were so many houses, so many lanes that looked the same. It would have been easy for the kids t o get easily confused and lost.

One man who saw us running here and there informed the MIL that he had seen a  woman dragging a little girl with her. That terrified me. I felt this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I guess around this time, I lost my voice. I could run around the lanes, looking for my children, but I just couldnt call out to them. The aunt, her daughter and husband were distraught. The in-laws were more so. Everyone looked stricken.

The BF then noticed a tiny little spot close to the heavy-traffic road. He wasn’t sure, but since Shobby was wearing yellow, he ran along anyway, just to make sure.

It was Shobby. And Lui.

They were happily ambling on the road, barefoot, under the hot sun, totally oblivious  to the grief they had caused us. I ran after the BF and grabbed Lui into a crushing hug. And then I felt a surge of anger welling up. I put her down and practically dragged her back to the aunt’s home. Within a few steps, Lui started screaming that her feet were hurting. So angry was I that I yelled back that why didn’t her feet hurt when she walked away in the first place. By this time, everyone had gathered back. One look at us and the twins knew they were in trouble. Both started bawling out loud. I confess I felt like slapping them both, but seeing how scared they were just then, I didn’t have the heart to 😦

We left the place shortly. The twins dozed off to sleep in  the car. But we were far from relaxed.

Each one of us was wondering on the possibilities that could have occurred.

They could have been knocked down by a speeding vehicle.

They could have been abducted.

Lui could have been abducted for a very bad purpose.

Just thinking about it gives me the shivers 😐

Allah has been kind.

But every time I look back, those tense moments remind me of the thin edge of reality we live in. My entire life, as I know it could have been obliterated. In case something had happened to the twins, I wouldn’t have known how to survive.

The BF was equally shaken up. We have a tough time discussing the What-Ifs. Its enough that we bow our heads in gratitude and thank Allah for giving us a new life. I have been given back my babies….without a scratch. No amount of gratitude is enough. Will ever be enough.


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