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Archive for March, 2013

Wallowing In Misery

Okay, I confess.

I’m not as strong as I’d assumed I am. Or will ever be.

I’m a sissy and a nincompoop and I miss the BF. Terribly, terribly miss him 😦

Its been two months plus since he’s been away. There’s not a single day when I haven’t mailed/chatted/called him at least three times each. Yet, I think this wait for his return is driving me nuts. I didn’t know I would miss him this much. Or maybe I just miss our arguments and repartee’s. Life’s less than appealing right now. It doesn’t help that the twins are not keeping well and refuse to eat anything! Nothing I make of feed them makes an iota of a difference. They are both getting skinnier by the day, not that it hampers their activity levels. They can still out-run and out-scream the best out there 😐

Anyway, this post isn’t about them.

Its about the BF…and how his absence is driving me insane !!

I haven’t had a single night’s restful sleep since he left. I call him up at 3am, only to be scolded to go back to sleep 😦 . Mushy, sappy songs are the order of the day and bring tears to my eyes …especially when I’m alone.

I look like this!!

I look like this!!

By the way, am not sure if I’m the only one here…but when I think of sad, sappy songs about  separation, I cant recollect even a single new-age song that belongs to the year 2K and beyond. I’m mostly left humming “Ayegaaa…..Ayegaa……..ayega aane waaala….Ayegaaa…..” or “Afsana likh rahi roon...” or maybe even a peppy, “Imtihaan ho gayi…..intezaar ki“. What makes me recollect the oldest numbers out there, God knows 😐 . But the old songs do have their charm….they mirror my sentiments better, I think. Like the song “Afsana“. One stanza starts with, “Tu jo nahin to kuchh bhi, nahin hai bahaar mein….nahin hai bahaar mein“. How apt 🙂

Goodness! I digressed again! This post isn’t about the songs!! Its about the BF!

Did I say I miss him??? Well, that’s an understatement.

I miss him as much as I would a limb or a vital organ. I think, I’ve grown so used to him over the years that his separation seems to almost deprive me of something critical….like breath. In all the years we’ve been together, we’ve barely been away for more than 2 months, at the max 2.5. Since I’ve already crossed the 2.5 threshold, the coming days seem almost painful. I know its just a matter of time before we’ll be together but the ‘matter of time’ isn’t really happening all that quick 😦 . Its summertime and the days just seem longer than usual. To add to the misery, the US Consulate is still holding back my visa. No update on that front yet! I’m so ticked off right now that if you were any closer to me , you’d hear me growl!

Dear BF, if you are reading this, I’m sorry for adding to your misery. I at least have the kids. You are alone….and it breaks my heart to think of what you must be going through.

Simply counting the days till you get back.

Love,

Your wife.

*Sigh*

I seriously wonder how all those Army wives manage without their spouses. My mom did it….I think she deserves  a gallantry award herself. As for me….I’d rather have my BF back 🙂

For those of you interested in songs of heartache, this is what I hum these days . Enjoy the B&W :-


 

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Once again, pulling out a post from the drafts!! I really have no idea why so many of my posts are lying in the drafts (around 65 at the last count) and I totally forgot to publish them 😐

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Till a couple of years back, I was very enthusiastic about applying mehendi to Lui. She has the cutest hands I’ve known, dimpled and chubby (though her nails are a different story altogether!!). Her fingers aren’t long, but they are soft and tender and when she cups my face in her hands or when we hold hands while crossing the road, I feel that they are something very precious, like the softest bale of silk, cool and soft. If I have a headache, she would gladly rub Vicks on my forehead, her caresses gentle and her touch beautiful!

Needless to say, I love her and I love her hands. Since she was a kid, I’d beg her to stay still while I drew pretty flowers and tendrils with mehendi. My painstaking efforts were tolerated by the toddler, which was roughly for 5 minutes, after which she would just rub her hands together and smudge the entire thing.

I would feel peeved, that my daughter didn’t show signs of loving this hobby as much as I did (not that I’m very good at it!) but I was hoping that the lovely green mehendi paste would play its magic on her.

It didn’t.

She would make it clear in no uncertain terms that she didn’t like it at all 😦 . Frankly, it was unrealistic of me to expect my daughter to like the same things that I do. She is so unlike me that I wonder if she really is my daughter. When a child shows liking for stuff which is close to you, it becomes easier to initiate the child into it, to show them the right way to go about it. Something to do with treading on familiar territory, I guess. With Lui, since we have nothing in common, bringing her up continues to be a challenge. I’ve introduced her to all my likes and hobbies, alas, she has zero inclination towards any 😦

In fact, it is little Shobbs who’s the picture of sincere curiosity as he asks me what ingredients I’m adding to the dish which I’m cooking, or wondering why I’m not wearing a matching dupatta with my dress!

Lui, couldn’t care less 😐

Anyhow, on the Friday evening before Eid-ul-Zuha, Lui went to play in the neighbour’s house while I went about my work of preparing for the weekend. After an hour, when there was still no sign of Lui’s return, I went to the neighbors place to check on her.

Imagine my shock, when I see her sitting calmly with her hands outstretched as the neighbors kids painstakingly applied little intricate designs on my daughter’s hand.

“You shouldn’t have bothered K”, I told the young girl,” Lui will mess it up within minutes”.

But K was almost done, so I let her finish.

Kharab mat karna“, K gently warned Lui.

“NO”, yelled the little monster as she ran back home.

I just shook my head, knowing fully well what the monster would do as soon as she reached home.

Alas, Lui proved me wrong. Once again. She sat as patiently and still as a saint till the Mehendi dried. And as she sat there, willing for it to dry, I couldn’t help but realize how much my daughter has grown-up! She’s finally more patient, in control. Moreover, she finally took a fancy to Mehendi…. 😀 😀 😀 That is reason alone for me to celebrate!

Cant wait for this particular one to come off….then I will draw those flowers on my baby’s hand  🙂 .

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For the record, I did apply Mehendi to Lui after that…she was still as a statue and very cooperative!

Alas, I don’t have snaps of that effort 😦

 

 

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I was digging through my laptop yesterday and came across a few snaps taken from last year. We had gone on a short weekend trip to a resort near Pune ( I really have no idea how I missed out on doing a post on that 😦 ).

Anyhow, so as I was sifting, I came across a couple of snaps that captured the twin’s personalities so vividly.

These were taken when we were at the check-out counter at the time of leaving. The BF was busy paying the bills, we were waiting for him to wrap up. This being a remote resort among the hills, there was a large bunch of Langurs which were causing some trouble. The workers at the resort used fireworks to disperse the monkey-crowd. They were mostly successful.

This snap was taken as the kids observed the workers at work –

P1070836

Lui was all attention, at the edge of her seat. Shobby, meanwhile, was laid-back and just looked on at the proceedings.

There was one particular langur who took a violent turn and chased one of the workers around the resort. The man ran screaming with the monkey behind him and the rest of the workers running behind the monkey. It was total chaos 😐 . Everyone was rooted to the spot because the reception area of the resort had an open plan with only a roof covering our head. Anytime, the langur could turn and come at us.

I turned to look at the kids and was transfixed by this image –

P1070837

Lui : ZOMG!!!!!
Shobby : Do I look as if I give a damn!

I’m really tickled as I see this snap 🙂 . Here, Lui is at her best expressive self. She is scared, worried, shocked, terrified, all at the same time.  Her face and her body language speak volumes on whats going on in her mind. Shobby, on the other hand, couldn’t care less 😦 or even if he does, he’s doing a good job of suppressing his feelings. I really cannot make out what he thinks about the whole men-chasing-langur-chasing-man scene!

As seen above, Lui is impulsive, quick to draw conclusions (something like me, I’m afraid 😐 ) . Shobby is thoughtful and doesn’t give in to emotions unless he’s convinced of what he has seen. It doesn’t mean that he is cold…he’s a rather warm-hearted,sensitive kid. But he doesn’t go about openly disclosing his feelings…much like his father 🙂

Just goes to show how very different two kids can be…even those born under the same sign and the same time!!

Amazing, isn’t it?? 🙂

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Learning New Things

It is sleep time in the MomofRS household. The twins have drunk their milk, wiped off the mustaches and slumped onto their respective pillows.
“Say your prayers”, I admonish the two.
Little Lui immediately starts off with, “Dear Allah, please take care of our Big-Dadi .  Dear Allah, please take care of our Abu. Please teach him to make rice and tea and juice and bhaji and ghee and chocolates. Please give him little cold and little heat. Not too much cold. Please make him do good work and not do any naughty things ( 😐 ). Please teach him to wash clothes and vessels. Aaaaameeeeen”.
Shobby says, ” Dear Allah, please do all that Lui says, okie?”.

😐  🙄  😐

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The kids are getting ready for school. I dressed them up and asked them to go to the kitchen to have breakfast, while I get ready for work. When I came out of the room, Lui was doodling on the walls, deeply absorbed.
“Lui, did you have your breakfast?” I asked.
She didn’t look at me and just said, “Yes”.
“Look at me. Did you eat it? Really?”
“Yes”. Still not looking at me.
Shobby comes up to me in the meanwhile and seeing our conversation, butts in, “Mumma, Lui didn’t have breakfast”.
I was a little annoyed. “Lui”, I said, “you musn’t lie dear. Its okay if you dont want to eat. Just say that you didn’t”.
“Lui is a liar, Lui is a liar”, started chanting a very bratty Shobbs!
“SHOBBYYYY”, screamed Lui, who was silent till now, “SHUT-DOWN!!!!”

😐  🙄  😐

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This morning, I served the kids their bed-milk. Shobby finished his first and held out the cup.
“Yeh lo Mumma”.
“Hey!! Keep it on the table”.
“No you keep it”.
“Hello!! Its your cup, you keep it”.
Lekin, cup aapne laye. You keep it”.
“Very funny. YOU drank the milk, so you keep it”.
“No No. Mumma. Not say like that. Meri baat suno. Jo cup kitchen se laata hai, woh hi cup kitchen mein rakhta hai”.
“No way! Jo doodh peeta hai, woh cup kitchen mein rakhta hai“.
“Mumma!! Hamesha aap ki baat kyun sunu?? bade logon ne bhi chhote bachchon ki baat sun-na chahiye“, grumbled a VERY peeved Shobbs!

😐  🙄  😐
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I was coming back home last Sunday after a visit to BFS (where we had some awesome chicken curry and fried prawns!). I was riding my bike, with Lui in the front and Shobby sitting behind me. I usually keep both of them behind me but Lui simply insisted that she be allowed to stand in front. I told her it was long way back home and her feet will hurt after a while. The girl just wouldn’t listen!
To be on the safer side and prevent her from falling asleep/getting tired, I told her that she will have to press the horn whenever I tell her to. She was easily convinced and we went on our way. For the first 5-10 minutes, I told her when exactly she must press the yellow button.
After that, she just did it on her own, without the need for me to say anything. She practically became my left thumb 😀
Speed-breakers : small beep.
Turning : beep beep beep.
Crossing : long beep.

She got the hang of traffic so well, it was amazing!
Surprising part is, when we were coming towards BFS’ place, it was Shobby who insisted on standing in front and he was also busy with the beeping. Only difference being, he just beeped at will 😀

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And while we are on learning new things, this is how one is punished when one uses their grandfather’s handkerchiefs to mop the floor. She made sure that the said handkerchief was scrubbed really clean after that !!

sincerely at work!

sincerely at work!

The tyke wore a dupatta on her head because , in her words, “mujhe mere baal disturb karenge

😐  🙄  😐

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Assorted

Its one of those days you know, your mind is so full of thoughts, all varied and mixed and you just want to vent them out because really, you want something new to think about.

You don’t?

Oh well, must be only me then 😀

Anyhow, so one of the things I was wondering about was ….why do schools ask pre-schoolers to get project charts when it is immensely clear that the kids have no hand in making them in the first place? What kind of pleasure do the teachers get out of making parents feel like a school kid all over again? I thought I had left that life far far behind…..alas, it comes a rude shock when I  have to prepare a chart on “Taste Buds on our Tongue” for Shobby one week and “Lifecycle of a Butterfly” for Lui the next. It doesn’t help that their diaries say that the said chart has to be sent ‘tomorrow’.  Reaching home late from office, imagine my plight as I rush to buy the supplies and then spend hours preparing them charts, that is , after feeding the kids, having dinner, ironing their clothes and mine for the next day and giving the kids their milk and putting them to sleep. Since I reach home around 8:30 pm, guess what time I finally finish those charts?

Anyhow, have a look at the fruits of my labor from last week :-

Photo0328 Photo0327 Photo0326 Photo0325 Photo0324 Photo0323Photo0322

For a midnight effort, it isn’t bad, but it could have been better if I had more time 😦

PS: It was fun to dabble with the sketch pens and crayons after ages 😀

PPPS : I forgot to take the snaps of “Tastebuds on our Tongue” chart while I was making it. I forgot about it once again, after going to the school 😦

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You know whats the best channel for wholesome music on radio:

Akash Vaani (not the movie,the Vividh Bharti Prasaran).

I’ve been listening to the radio lately (for the last month, since the BF is away) and I’ve come to the conclusion that – Commercial channels cheat us terribly. I have a string of voes against them, because –

  •    they play the same set of songs, in different sequences, every 2-3 hours.
  •    they snip off sections of songs(to make them shorter), so that if you are lip syncing to it and voice the next lyric, you’ll find that the singer has jumped to the last lyric of the song. Pretty disconcerting, I must say. Also, there are times when the advertisements run for ages and finally, finally a song plays thats your favourite….and BAM!!! It is abruptly stopped because that particular show’s time is over. Aarrggghh!!!
  •   steal song time and bombard us with advertisements. Favourite ads running in Pune are the ones related to –

i)    Property/Construction/Websites selling property
ii)   Insurance/ policies
iii)  Gujrat tourism
Frankly,  I didn’t mind the Ads earlier, but as my listening time increased, I realized just how much we are bombarded with property news. As for the insurance ones, believe me, they are puke-inducing 😐 . A precocious little girl’s voice asks her father if she is eligible for a particular policy which  gives a gazillion returns on terms that the girl surely has no idea about. The ‘father’ proudly claims that the little girl is indeed eligible.

Hah!!

Wouldn’t it have been better if he’d confessed that he had already bought her the policy?? You lead a little kid on to believing that the particular policy is the answer to all her problems and then leave it at that? Who’s gonna purchase that effing policy, you dodo?!

Coming to Gujrat Tourism, aggressive marketing barely covers it. I’m almost convinced there is only one other state in India (other than Maharashtra). It is a little baffling to see how all the other states are mute in terms of their state’s tourism. Why the silence guys?? You don’t want people coming over to your place?

The Gujrat Tourism ads (in Amitabh Bachchan’s voice) were rather interesting earlier. They are just irritating now. If I hear a GT ad 6-7 times in a 30 min period anymore, I’m surely gonna be put off that place forever 😦 . Being aggressive is one thing and being a pain-in-the-ears is another. I think the Gujrat Govt just went overboard towards the latter.

I think Vivid Bharti does a much better job. Each program is well defined. You get songs from all the ages, not just the current hot numbers. There are limited adverts and within a span of 30 minutes, we get to hear 8-10 songs, unlike other channels which play 10 songs in an hour!!

So yeah, switch to 101.00 Mhz, I say. Its the safest bet where music is concerned 🙂

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We’re getting some woodwork done in the house lately, making a few cabinets, cupboards ,etc. I think its been going on for simply ages ! It doesn’t help that –

a) we are all away at work and the carpenter turns up only after the in-laws get back home

b) our carpenter prefers working alone 😦

I think I’m severely ticked off with the sawdust now……if we aren’t busy inhaling it, we are busy wiping off a hundred surfaces coated with it 😦 . Its everywhere!! Even in my bedroom which is the farthest from the kitchen (for which the work is going on !)

To top it, our carps got an attitude to get on anyone’s nerves. He doesn’t talk much. Mumbles most of the time. Asks for suggestions, confirms a zillion times and then does what he feels is right.

We’re all just counting the days till we finally bid goodbye to him 😐

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Its appraisal time in office once again! I’ve been contemplating what to enter in the self-appraisal section. Whatever I enter wouldn’t make an iota of difference because I’ll be on sabbatical when the actual promotions will be announced. Obviously, people on long leaves are never promoted. Fact of life 😐

*Sigh*

But what needs to be done, needs to be done. I gotta finish this activity by tomorrow.

Could you guess I’m just not into the mood to do it?

Yeah well…..such is life!

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I just got a call that my best friend got married. Yipppeee 😀 😀 😀

*doing a jig in my cube*

Given all that she went through, I’m glad she finally took that step!

Seriously darling…you deserve a separate post all to yourself..and I promise that I will do one for you. But for now, I HAVE to mention it, because I’m just so darn happy 😀

Happy marriage day 🙂

I’ll remember it ALWAYS because it falls on the day after my parent’s wedding anniversary.

Oooohhh!!! I’m SO Happy 🙂 🙂 🙂

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FKSS

Author: Shailendra Singh

Publisher : Rupa Publications

Price : Rs.195

Has anyone read “7 Habits of Highly Effective People? It was a pretty good book which put me off self-help books forever 😐 .

I mean, it did spout a LOT of wisdom and all that jazz, but I could appreciate it only when my eyes were open. For the most part, I believe I snoozed my way through it.

(These opinions are mine alone and NOT mean to hurt sentiments of true-blue Stephen followers. Peace 🙂 )

I saw “F?@k Knows” and another book on Blogadda  and applied to review both (secretly hoping that I get the other one). Imagine my horror when I got this one instead 😐

It was going to be tough. It didn’t help my cause that I abhor self-help guides, I hate preaching of any kind. Period.

But what must be done, must be done. After 3 days of dillydallying (while the clock ticked and my review-publish date drew closer), I finally ground my teeth to powder and sat down to finish the darn book.

After a few hours of   “Hmmmmmm…..flip flip flip….*chuckle*…..he he…flip flip flip…LOL!!……*chortle*….gasp!..flip flip..Oh!…he he…” – Repeat X (number of pages)/2 , I realized one thing –

There are self-help books and then there is F?@k Knows!

Unashamedly unapologetic with a generous dose of humour. Take it or leave it!

Shailendra Singh makes no bones about his intention of penning this book. You may either take time to ponder over his pearls of wisdom or throw the book in a trash can. He doesn’t give a F?@k.

And thats why, for someone who loathes self-help books, “F?@k Knows” comes as a breath of fresh air.

The book is divided into multiple chapters, with titles ranging from “F?@k Knows Why the Word Suicide is Called ‘Khud-Khushi’ in Hindi” to “Chi F?@k Po” 😀 . The incidents mentioned in the book are all from the author’s personal experiences. Though some of them are grim, he manages to coat them with a sugary layer of wit and humor.

I personally wouldn’t recommend the book for teenagers for it has its share of hidden profanity (not that kids these days don’t know the meaning of all of them 🙄 ). There are also some sections dealing with more intimate matters which are expressed rather artfully I must say.

Shailendra Singh, Joint Managing Director of Percept India and the brain behind Sunburn and Go For Gold, is a born dyslexic. In the earlier sections he mentions that he always had trouble reading and the only books he could get through were the self-help ones.

Looks like those books helped him big time, because along with dishing out wisdom, Shailendra has successfully blended his sense-of-humor and earthy common-sense in the narration. Nowhere in the book does it appear as though the author is droning on issues which have been hammered into our heads by many more before him. Though some sections have been put forward by other authors, none have been successful enough to get a laugh out of the reader like this one  🙂

“F?@k Knows” is just the right book to grab when you have a few minutes to spare, while traveling or waiting at the airport/railway station. You can read a couple of chapters while drinking a cup of tea/coffee  during office breaks.

The best part is that the chapters are short and sweet and just long enough to drive the point home. They are easy to remember and quote….maybe thats why the book makes its impact 🙂 .
This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers. Participate now to get free books!

 

 

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The Modest One

I’m getting the twins ready for school. The school was celebrating ‘Black Day’ where all the kids were to wear the color black. I’d bought a black ‘angry-birds’ T-shirt for Shobby which loudly screamed “I Need Anger Management”. It seemed so apt, since my son is prone to severe temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. That he cools down within milliseconds is another matter altogether 😀

Anyhow, so as I was wiping him down, my son looks out of the window, deep in thought  and says, “Mumma, I saw a dream. I saw a very handsome boy wearing the angry-birds shirt”.

“Wow”, I said, “Do you know who the boy was?”

Haan. Mujhe lagta hai hai, woh mai hi tha“, says the boy solemnly.

It was terribly tough to keep a straight face in the midst of such modesty 🙂

By the way, he looked like this :-

Loving the 'Anger Management' :)

Loving the ‘Anger Management’ 🙂

Don’t mind the hair. My son has spiky hair and I need loads of oil/hair-gel to keep them down 😦

Also, he needs a haircut. Asap 😐

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Its the season of peas. Lovely green peas which are now cheaper than what they usually cost throughout the year. The MIL brought around 3 kgs of green peas last week. The plan was to deep-freeze half of it and use up the rest. Since then, we’ve been having peas in practically every dish. Matar pulao, salads, matar-paneer, aloo-matar, matar-karanjee, matar-parathas and the list goes on (frankly, I’m a little sick of the little pea 😐 )

The kids aren’t big fans of the pod. But when disguised within parathas or in soup, they have it. Usually though, if they find a pea floating in their soup, it has to be removed!  Point is, they don’t like it much.

Last Saturday morning, I finally got down to shelling those peas. The twins were busy watching some cartoon (rationed viewing on Saturdays 🙂 ). I suddenly remembered that I’d left my phone in the bedroom. With the BF away, I keep the phone with me at all times…not wanting to miss out when he calls 😀 . So imagine my surprise when I walk back to the hall and see this :-Photo0292

Two little kids trying their hand at shelling peas. Shobby was having no luck with it. I saw him ripping off a few with his teeth. Worst part is, as soon as he saw his paparazzi mom zooming in for a pic, he scooted off the table he was sitting on. *Sigh* He did try to help me, didn’t he?

Lui was the picture of determination and dedication. Though the pods were a little hard to tug apart, she still gave it her best shot.

Photo0294

Looking at her sitting there, shelling peas with a content look on her face, I realized with a pang – my daughter has grown up! Though I refuse to believe it , in my heart, I have to accept the fact that she is no longer a toddler (in fact, I still call her my baby!). She is a grown-up little pre-schooler who thinks her mother is the picture of impatience. Why else would my every question to her be replied with a ,”Thoda sabr toh rakho...”

😐

Anyhow, 10 minutes into the shelling and she called it a day 🙂

But I didn’t mind. I’m just glad that she did something without me pestering her to do so. Usually, for kitchen related chores, I rope in Shobby. I ask him to put washed utensils in their place (the ones where he can reach). He helps me put vegetables in the refrigerator after sorting them 🙂 . For some reason, Lui abhors kitchen work. She will do anything else, sweep or mop the floors, fold clothes, fetch stuff.

For now, I’m just glad that the twins are learning to contribute to the house. I want them to know the difference between a house and a home…….slowly, but surely, we are getting there 🙂

 

 

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For a few months now, I’ve been contemplating going on a sabbatical. The thought first crept in when I was busy on my previous project and didn’t have the time to breathe. I was cranky, tired and snapped at every given opportunity. Working 12 hours at a stretch for weeks does that to some people. I’m among one of those weak, insipid ones who fall prey to long working hours 😦 . It didn’t help that I also have kids and a family to tend to.

Somewhere along the way, it didn’t seem worth the effort. I was putting in all the hours I could. I know I’m good at what I do, yet, I wasn’t happy. Satisfied maybe. Glad to be doing something with my brain. If I were a housewife, I would most likely be found in the corner of my room, cobwebs hanging over my body, hair in dreadlocks, drool over my chin as I chewed my pencil over Sudoku, level Hard. The kids would be forgotten, cooking would be a distant memory and the BF would  almost be on his way to becoming one.

But I digress.

I like what I do. Which doesn’t really translate to “I LOVE what I do”. I don’t love it. Period. I don’t like taking work back home (though, there are times when I cannot avoid it). Each evening, as I lock up for the day, I’m glad about leaving. I hold my head high and rush out as fast as I can. I never look back. Its not about the work, I’ll admit. I’m sufficiently engrossed when I’m at it to forget to call the BF for his morning call. I’ve even missed out on calling the Pediatrician regarding some ailment of the twins only because I was busy debugging a script (bad parenting example here). I’m glued to the PC because I’m interested in what I’m doing.

Working From Home

Working From Home

The current project I’m working on is much better than the previous one. I like the easy familiarity with the tools and the platform I’m working on. I like the good vibes I share with the people at the client side. Though I’m busy, I’m not neck-deep in it. I do have time to breathe these days 🙂 .

Yet, I think I need the break.

I’ve been contemplating a lot on what I really want to do in the long run. Should I continue in IT or should I venture out to doing stuff that I love?? A really long time back, I’d written a post on how I want to start my own boutique. There was a time when every single dress that I wore bore results of my painful contribution to its look. A little thread-work here, a few sequins there, a little mirror-work on one and sometimes, a little painting on the fabrics. There were other times I thought of taking up writing full time (thats a joke really. And like I said, I was just ‘thinking’ about it 🙂 ) because some people who read me liked what I had written. It was a powerful boost of self-esteem and confidence. It felt good to be appreciated for doing stuff that I loved to do.

When I decided to take a break, I also decided to hunt for other avenues of income, things which didn’t take up as much time as the current one does. I was in a dilemma, because I’m one of those people, the jack-of-all-master-of-none types. There’s a lot I can do, but not good enough to guarantee a regular income! So I thought that maybe I could start writing short stories or articles (only problem being, I suck at social commentaries and my kids HATE my stories 😦 )

So imagine my surprise and consternation when I read this article by my favourte movie reviewer, Baradwaj Rangan ( Since 2007, when I first discovered his blog, I swear I haven’t watched a film unless I read his review first. He is GOOD!!) . A snippet from his blog states this :-

“That’s one thing you’re not really prepared for when you begin to “follow you passion,” that one day it will become a job, and the pieces you used to write at your leisure, for fun, for a break from the daily grind, now come with deadlines. No one tells you that, one day, the passion becomes the daily grind.”

This is exactly what I was afraid of all along, just that he presents it in a much better manner.

I have my work on one side and my hobbies on the other. I like writing. But I also like writing at my leisure, when I feel like it or IF I feel like it. I did a short stint for Parentous. Contributed for a month(thats a total of 4 posts) and then suddenly, it seemed too much. Though I had to contribute just once a week, the pressure of coming up with a meaningful post every week seemed too much. I realized I couldn’t do it. That I was uncomfortable sharing my blog-time on someone else’s blog 😐

When I read BR’s blog, it made sense. My insecurities were not my whims. There was someone else who was facing the same issues. Today, when I get bored of my work, I know that I can turn back to sewing a few sequins or weilding that paint brush. I can sit back and read a good book or turn to my blog to spout my feelings. But what happens if I do all these for a living? I’ll probably enjoy doing all this…..but one day, when I’m tired and bored of it all, what do I do? If my comfort hobbies become my work, then what would be my comfort when I feel like getting away from it all?  Some would suggest that I would need to build up diversity in my hobbies, learn new skills (you are never to old to learn) but after an age, its not everyone’s cup of tea to chart new paths(you cant teach an old dog new tricks!!) .

I’d applied for leave, hoping that I’ll find my calling in something else and follow it. Probably submit my resignation and follow the dicatats of my heart.

But now, I think I’ll just use the leaves for what they were meant to be…..a break. I’m still not ready to change my track. Sure, my work doesn’t bring me big-time happiness. But it brings in the moolah, which kind of compensates for everything else. Plus, if I ever get bored or need a break, there’s so much more I could turn to, to bring me comfort.

For now, I’ll not give in to the temptation to make my passion my work. I’ll let it be what it is……so that when I want to get away from the grind, it is right there, welcoming me as always!

Please do take a few minutes to read BR’s article (link given above). It is brilliant! Puts a lot of things in perspective.

Do let me know if anyone of you has given up their job to follow their heart….I want to hear your side of the story too 🙂

Love,

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I firmly believe that children are messengers of God. They say things that no other adult in their sane state would say. Kids are not bridled with social or moral implications of their speech, so naturally, whatever comes from their mouth comes right from their heart. They say stuff that either warms the cockles of the heart or adversely, shames us into hanging our heads.

The twins, unaware of the impact of their words, complete their speech and then move on to more important topics such as hunting for the last bar of 5Star or whacking their sibling and getting whacked in return. Their lives are simple, really.

Not so for us adults, I say. Long after the kid leaves us alone, we are left with a gob-smacked feeling, wondering what just hit us, and why, kids can say the damnedest things and get away with it 😐 .

Of my two kids, The Good Lord Above chose Shobby to be my moral Police and conscience keeper.  My little son is rather diligent in the task delegated to him. Every single thing he asks me to do, is appended with the question, “Aapko maloom nahin hai kya?” or the more rude, “Aapko samajhta nahin hai kya?” When admonished for speaking like that, he will immediately alter his tone, come up with a sweet smile and say,”Mummy, I am teaching you……don’t get angry”.

Yeah right 😐

Lui, on the other hand, flings around her opinions like she does the bits of papers chopped diligently with scissors.

“Mummy, I DON’T like Shobby”, this, after she remembers that a few days back he had taken a few raisins from her lunch box,”You don’t talk to him. He’s a bad boy”.

Or, “Mummy, I DONT want to talk to you”.

“But why??”, I exclaim.

“Because you don’t give me strawberry everyday”.

😐

I would hate to tag Shobby as a “Brat” because there is very little my son does to earn that title. He has a more mature outlook towards life and actually listens to what we say, paraphrases each sentence and deduces his own opinion of the same. For a four-year-old, he talks much sense and it helps a lot, because his sister talks only stuff that rarely makes sense (most of the times). It kind of balances the two together.

Just yesterday, we were ready to go to the SIL’s home for lunch. I was in the drawing room, waiting for the in-laws to come out. Shobby was busy hopping around, showing me his balance on one leg. I was barely paying attention, focused more on a silly game on my phone. Suddenly, the boy comes up to me and says, “Mumma, when I look at you, I feel very happy. Mujhe bahut achcha lagta hai“.

He went back to his hopping again.

As for me, I just sat there for what seemed like ages, glowing with the undeserved compliment and heart-broken because I knew that I didn’t deserve it then. Maybe otherwise, but not at that very moment.

Lui did something similar a few days back. I got delayed at work so the MIL was busy making the two eat their dinner. When I came in, Lui was making a big fuss about wanting to eat. I was tired and a wee bit irritated , so I asked her sharply why she wouldn’t eat. The little girl puts on the most pitiful look on her face and says, “I want you to feed me. When you give me food, it tastes soooo sweet and yummy!!” And then she goes,”Yumm yumm yumm”.

Obviously, I broke into a smile and offered to feed her (this is bad habit actually. Try as I might, I cannot seem to NOT feed the two dinner. I know they have the rest of the meals in the day themselves. I just cant resist sitting down with them and feeding them with my own hands at night 😦 ) . While we were eating, after a couple of morsels, Lui turns to me and says, “Mummy, I was wrong. Aaapke haath se bhi khana boring lagta hai. I lied. I said it tasted sweet. I’m sorry”.

😐

Seriously now, what do I do with these kids?!!

But the best of speech is reserved by them for each other. Like the other day, the kids found the two sippy cups which we had hidden in order to wean them off it. Shobby was all excited and happy at finding his beloved sippy-cup. Lui, in the meanwhile looks at it and says with disdain, “Shobby, leave that cup. Its for babies. You are not a baby. Samjhe?” Shobby dutifully kept the cup back in its place. He did look woeful though.

One day, I was cleaning their cupboard and found a shirt that Shobbs hadn’t worn in a while….maybe a month. I thought of giving it away because it wouldn’t fit him after a while. Lui grabs the shirt from my hand and runs to Shobby.

“Shobby, Shobby, see your shirt”, and happily holds out the shirt to him.

Shobby looks all happy and glee-ed. He then holds it in front of him to check out the size and says with apparent sadness,” Lui, yeh chhota ho gaya. Lagta hai mere bachpan ka shirt hai“.

😐 🙄  😐

There are so many other little things that these two say, so many little nuggets of sweetness and laughter that its impossible for me to remember them all and put them here. But I really must….because like the BF says, pretty soon this phase will be over. Before we know it, the kids would refuse to accept stories of fairies and monsters. Before we know it, they would start treating their parents like old coots from another planet. Before long, this age of dependence and faith in their parents will be gone. Which, in one sense is good. But a tiny part of me will regret when that actually happens. When it does though, I’ll come back to this post and relive those moments 🙂

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