Okay, I confess.
I’m not as strong as I’d assumed I am. Or will ever be.
I’m a sissy and a nincompoop and I miss the BF. Terribly, terribly miss him 😦
Its been two months plus since he’s been away. There’s not a single day when I haven’t mailed/chatted/called him at least three times each. Yet, I think this wait for his return is driving me nuts. I didn’t know I would miss him this much. Or maybe I just miss our arguments and repartee’s. Life’s less than appealing right now. It doesn’t help that the twins are not keeping well and refuse to eat anything! Nothing I make of feed them makes an iota of a difference. They are both getting skinnier by the day, not that it hampers their activity levels. They can still out-run and out-scream the best out there 😐
Anyway, this post isn’t about them.
Its about the BF…and how his absence is driving me insane !!
I haven’t had a single night’s restful sleep since he left. I call him up at 3am, only to be scolded to go back to sleep 😦 . Mushy, sappy songs are the order of the day and bring tears to my eyes …especially when I’m alone.
By the way, am not sure if I’m the only one here…but when I think of sad, sappy songs about separation, I cant recollect even a single new-age song that belongs to the year 2K and beyond. I’m mostly left humming “Ayegaaa…..Ayegaa……..ayega aane waaala….Ayegaaa…..” or “Afsana likh rahi roon...” or maybe even a peppy, “Imtihaan ho gayi…..intezaar ki“. What makes me recollect the oldest numbers out there, God knows 😐 . But the old songs do have their charm….they mirror my sentiments better, I think. Like the song “Afsana“. One stanza starts with, “Tu jo nahin to kuchh bhi, nahin hai bahaar mein….nahin hai bahaar mein“. How apt 🙂
Goodness! I digressed again! This post isn’t about the songs!! Its about the BF!
Did I say I miss him??? Well, that’s an understatement.
I miss him as much as I would a limb or a vital organ. I think, I’ve grown so used to him over the years that his separation seems to almost deprive me of something critical….like breath. In all the years we’ve been together, we’ve barely been away for more than 2 months, at the max 2.5. Since I’ve already crossed the 2.5 threshold, the coming days seem almost painful. I know its just a matter of time before we’ll be together but the ‘matter of time’ isn’t really happening all that quick 😦 . Its summertime and the days just seem longer than usual. To add to the misery, the US Consulate is still holding back my visa. No update on that front yet! I’m so ticked off right now that if you were any closer to me , you’d hear me growl!
Dear BF, if you are reading this, I’m sorry for adding to your misery. I at least have the kids. You are alone….and it breaks my heart to think of what you must be going through.
Simply counting the days till you get back.
I seriously wonder how all those Army wives manage without their spouses. My mom did it….I think she deserves a gallantry award herself. As for me….I’d rather have my BF back 🙂
For those of you interested in songs of heartache, this is what I hum these days . Enjoy the B&W :-