Some time back, I’d read a wonderful post on OM’s blog about her daughter’s love for Krishna. The little girl loves her idol of Krishna and even lines up her barbies as his devotees π . It was a very cute post and I confess I felt a bit teary towards the end. A child’s love is so pure!! Do check out that post.
Reading the blog, I was reminded of an innocent question a colleague asked me at lunch one day. We were talking about goodnight prayers and I was narrating the twin’s prayers to Allah to keep their Big-Dadi (The BF’s grandmother) trouble free in heaven. I also mentioned that whenever the kids get hurt or fall ill, I ask them to ask Allah for relief. They do this without question.Β At this, the friend quipped, “Do your kids understand the concept of God?”
I was a trifle startled at this question but realized that the answer was Yes, indeed they did. They did believe in a God up there. I’m not really sure when exactly they started believing, but the truth is that they understand the concept of God, of a power much higher and greater than us, a power that is invisible, no form, no image, without representation.
I realized early in life that being a Muslim was purely about believing in Allah. That there was a power up there which wrote our destinies, who gave us a choice in everything we did and decided our fate based on the choices we make. As a kid, we didn’t realize the depth of believing in that power with our eyes closed, with no visual aids, no images, no pictures, no idols. How exactly could we believe in something that we knew nothing about? I personally believe that most muslims don’t become muslims by birth. We become muslims the day we realize that the power exists, that our prayers do get answered (and I’m not talking about the wishes for extra helpings of ice-cream or a lifetime supply of chocolates π )
We become muslims the day we understand that there is someone out there looking out for us. That one day, we have to go back and meet our maker and on that day we will have to answer for all the good or bad that we did in our lifetime. I’m sure my children aren’t there yet. The only thing I’ve instructed them to do is to believe in their hearts that even when it appears that no one is watching over them, there is someone up there who is doing so. For now, they do understand that Allah is watching over them, so they have to be good π .
The kid’s day-care lady is a Jain. She adores the twins and sometimes, she takes them along to her Society’s Mandir for a puja. I don’t mind it. The kids enjoy the visits and tell me in the evening that they went to see ‘Bhagwan’. Its only when Β I accidentally kick a book which is lying on the floor and a kid says, “Mummy, say sorry to the book. Issmein Bhagwan hai“, that I feel the need to correct them. I know that there are other religions that equate many things with God. Islam doesn’t. For us, the Lord above is too mighty and too sacred to be compared or even represented by anything on this mortal planet. This is just our belief and not meant to offend anyone else’s sensibilities. But yes, a book is a book, it helps one get education, so respecting it is fine. Keeping them in its place, is what I teach them to do. But I draw the line when they start referring to it as God.
Being a muslim is not easy. Specially when it comes to teaching the kids about Allah. We have no aids, only books written in a foreign language that the children will understand only much later. Till then, they are on their own. I can just let them know what I’m doing, I cannot make them do what I do. I can teach them prayers, but the only ones which are answered are the ones which are offered from the heart. They may not offer namaz, but whenever one gets hurt, the other quickly asks Allah to heal the hurt. Though this is not a formal prayer, it is true in its expression and I’m sure Allah understands π .
I send my daughter to school with a headscarf. She is free to remove it if she wants. This is just my way of introducing her to the beauty of this most misunderstood concept of Islam. As she grows older, she will make her own choices, but till then, I do my bit and introduce her to it. Alhamdulillah, she has taken quite a fancy to it, though she does remove it after school and goes to the day-care. One day, in office, as I was showing the snaps of my kids in their uniform to my colleagues, one was offended to see Lui with a headscarf.
“Why is she wearing a scarf?” she asked me.
“Because I like her to”, I replied.
“Doesn’t the school object?” she asked further.
“No. They don’t object”, I replied.
“But why not?” she asked vehemently, Β ” They should ban it . It is against National Integration”.
At this point, I was too stumped and stupefied to reply.
Our country’s National Integration was at the mercy of my daughter’s headscarf! That was quite a burden she was carrying on her head, I say!!!
Over the years, I’ve met many people who have zero knowledge about Islam but consider themselves an authority on anything Islamic. Like, for instance, believing that the huge population of muslims in India exists only because the Mughals forcefully converted the Hindus. Β By that logic, the Christian population should be almost neck-to-neck with the muslims, right?
Anyhow, that is an argument for a different time. For now, as I see my kids grow older and learn new things, I need to show them that there is lot of beauty around them. That though some people may doubt their loyalties (Heck! My Dad served in the Indian Army and yet there were certain people who made snide remarks about his loyalty. Imagine! A man who gets war medals for his country, was looked upon with suspicion. What chances do my kids have? ), there will be others who will give their undying love and friendship. That there will be hurdles in their lives, surprisingly the kind which never appear for their friends, but for them alone, but still, the One above will sail them over it.
Faith is all about believing. I believe that though there is a lot of hatred in this world, my children will find their share of love and kindness, of friendships and happiness. Of loyalty and togetherness. Not just with each other but with most of the people they come across in their life.
I pray that my children will not be stigmatized as adults, if they chose to wear a headscarf or a cap. That no one will question their loyalty towards their country. That they will be accepted for who they are and how they chose to live. InshaAllah, those days will come.
Because Allah is watching over them π .
Note : The contents of this post are my opinions alone. I apologize if any sentiments are hurt and want to assure everyone that such was not my intention.
This is interesting stuff..honestly I have had only a couple of friends who follow Islam, and that too havent been too close…I firmly believe to each his/her own..you make Lui wear the headscarf because you have a say in what she can wear..in two years time, may be she will just tell you that she doesnt want to…but its totally fine.it doesnt mean you are trying to teach her anything wrong..I dont think there is anything secular about wearing or not wearing a head scarf…If tomorrow Lui wants to wear a burkha, as long as SHE WANTS to do it, she can…only when it comes to forcing on people, I think its wrong..
Hugs to you and I hope Bhagwan/Allah/Ishwar and whoever you believe in, understands a human being’s hope to being neutral and secular in life!
Dear R, its pity that showing any kind of outward muslim characteristics is equal to branding of one as a fundamentalist!
I know that I am secular at heart and my kids will be too π
Woman, don’t apologize for anything. You’re not hurting anyone by expressing your opinions. If someone feels hurt, ask them to suck it up or go cry into their mommy’s arms or go hide back under the rock that they came from. At this point I am agnostic. What I believe in is being kind to everyone around us and being tolerant of others’ opinions and helping others who might not be as fortunate as us. But, I’ve observed that humanity and common sense are not that common. Maybe that is why some people need religion to guide them. What I don’t understand is why we turn something written / spoken by someone thousands of years ago into a rule and force others to follow it. Why can’t we use our own brains and try and live in peace and let others be? The whole human race has a long way to go in actually becoming human.
Oh hell!!
And I was under the impression that you are an atheist π
just kidding! π
Religion is a personal matter…till the time my kids aren’t old enough to make their choices, I can only introduce them to what I believe in.
Rest, is in their hands π
Totally agree!
When it comes to God and religion I think no two people have the same way of looking at it. No one in the world has the right to tell anyone else what or how one should perceive one’s God. To link it to National Integration is funny. You’re right Noor, they WILL find people who love and value them no matter what they wear or who they pray to.
Exactly my point OM. The “National integration” part would have been funny but it wasn’t because the said colleague was seriously disturbed and angry that the school allowed a head-scarf π¦ . I have mentioned just a fraction of her actual tirade.
As usual, I didn’t bother to correct her. It would have been a wasted effort π
You are very kind and patient with people, Noor! I’d be seething and would simply walk away of someone displayed such monumental stupidity in my presence.
*if!
got it π
LOL!! If I were to walk away each time, I’d have nowhere left to go π
Sigh, true! but I don’t mean to say you should walk away. You should give them what they ask for, sometimes–a nasty, scathing reply. But, as I said, you are too kind!
Ummm…you could say I’m tongue-tied with frustration π
“Faith is all about believing. I believe that though there is a lot of hatred in this world, my children will find their share of love and kindness, of friendships and happiness. Of loyalty and togetherness. Not just with each other but with most of the people they come across in their life.”Amen to that!
Each of us have our reasons to believe in the religion we follow. The problem arises when we expect others to follow our beliefs and try to thrust them on others. Its perfectly possible for religions to coexist as long as we understand each other’s limitations and boundaries.
With my daughter too, I have tried and kept the idea of God as neutral as possible. In Hinduism there are many Gods, as you must be aware, but I have somehow chosen to refer to God as being one. I dont fully agree with what my religion preaches but I do believe in it to some extent and I would like my daughter to understand the religion too and draw her own beliefs based on it. And when she is old enough she can choose to follow in whatever religion she wants or not to follow any even.
I really like the way you have chosen to explain the concept of God and faith to your children. I’m sure they will grow up to be wonderfully secure beings π
Yes Deeps, in today’s troubled times, this is what we need to teach the kids.
As long as they have love and faith in their hearts, they’ll be happy people π
Thumbs up to Deeps’ comment!
Had been thinking about this for a while. My parents were never stridently religious.BY that, I mean , me or my brother were never asked to fast or attend religious discourses.or gatherings. Religion was a personal matter. My mom prayed to her set of gods in morning. But she never asked us to do the same. When we were teenagers, my father made sure we learnt to say Ram Raksha.to his exacting standards.He also made sure that when we did a pradakshina in Shiva temple we did not cross the water stream and retraced our steps instead.
When I was married it was a different matter altogether. My in-laws were stridently religious. I was encouraged to Fast, pray and do all kinds of things I felt were unnecessary. Then I lived in Kolhapur and had to go through some interesting times. I remember the peace it gave me to rest in the Mahalaxmi temple.
Still I never believed in rituals or organised religions. To my son I’ve passed on same sensibilities. And I hope he will use his logic and experience to find his own beliefs. If something goes wrong I ask him to think about why it happened and deal with it rather than praying to some entity.Rather than attribute happenings to some entity, I’ve taught him to deal with it, learn from it and move on. Rather than hope some entity will magically set things right, I’ve asked him deal with it. It’s not been easy. I do hope that eventually it will be worth it.
As parents we have a lot of influence on what our children believe in the beginning if not through the end.
I feel uncomfortable about you asking Lui to wear a headscarf for I don’t believe in organised religion or rituals or norms imposed by religion.
Apart from that I think may be in Indian heat indoors she may be more comfortable without it.
Hi Tai, sorry for the late reply.
I loved your comment, it makes so much sense π
About the headscarf, like I said before, its an introduction. She is free to remove it when she wants.
When she feels uncomfortable, she removes it. It isn’t an issue, really π