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Dearest Lui and Shobbs,

I’m visiting these pages after ages! For no fathomable reason, I had stopped writing. I convinced myself it is because I’d rather ‘stay in the moment’ than mentally take down notes to blog about it. I wanted to be an active participant of your lifeย than be an observer of your growth (of which I’m guilty at times!).

But I was wrong.

Capturing the precious moments of my life with you is what makes this blog so special to me. Each time I pull out an old post and read about your antics, it brings a smile to my face ๐Ÿ™‚ . I may not immediately remember the incident, but reading about it does jog my memory and everything becomes clearer, as if it happened recently. I’m sad that these last two years, which have brought about such tremendous changes inย you, have not been penned ๐Ÿ˜ฆ . It is my fault and now that you are turning 7 (Gosh! I still can’t believe it !!), I think its high time I do justice to you and my blog.

But first, a confession.

I sit here sobbing a little as I type. Tears flow down my cheeks because I feel overwhelmed. You two have turned out to be so terrific in every way that I feel incompetent as your mother, your guardian. I can’t think of any single good deed that I did to deserve you. I sob because I want to give you all that you desire, but you never demand. You both derive pleasureย from the smallest things in life, making me realize that it isnt money that buys happiness. I’m proud to say that you both are my sunshine. You are the brightness that fills every crevice of my heart and make me giddy with joy ๐Ÿ™‚

Lui sweetheart, ย you are our residentย angel, bet you already know that ๐Ÿ˜€ . You can spin me and the BF around your little finger just as easily as you did 7 years back! The only difference being that you’ve got a loud mouth to go with it now ๐Ÿ™„ ! I have watched you grow into a wonderfully confident little thing, quiet unlike the shy, gawky me of yore. I puff up with pride at your grace, your kindness and generosity, your impeccable manners and your readiness to apologize for your mistakes. Believe me darling, it takes people many manyย years to achieve all that! You are just seven, but I have seen how wonderfully ย you go about making friends, being kind towards the underdogs, helping out friends and classmates as best as you can and pleasing your teachers with your impish smile ๐Ÿ™‚ . ย These are not things that I haveย ‘taught’ you, theyย come from within you.ย I can only pray to Allah to keep this warmth in you forever.

Shobby darling, you are our bundle of joy, wrapped in multiple layers of humour and mirth ๐Ÿ˜€ . I can’t believe that a kid as young as you has a wicked sense of humour, but you do! It is a great gift and I seriously pray that it stays with you forever, for there is no medicine like laughter, right ๐Ÿ˜€ ?! You are seven but people ask me if you are 4! Some even ‘recommend’ that I feed you ๐Ÿ™„ . At times I feel offended, but then I realize that those people don’t know how tough your beginning was. You put up a good fight champ and and in the last 7 years I’m grateful to Allah for giving you a healthy constitution. Though tiny, you are sturdier than most kids your age. Like Lui,ย making friends comes so easily to you! This is all the more surprising because earlier you were quite the shy guy, offering nothing more than a smile! Your confidence has blossomed and I’ll confess that I preen a little when people complement me on your kind disposition.

Seven years back today, as I lay on that hospital bed, I marveled at the beauty of Lui and the fragility of Shobbs. Today, I see character in Lui and strength in Shobby. So much has changed, for the better I’m glad to say (Alhamdulillah) and I canย only pray that you progress towards your own betterment. I have not set any benchmarks for you, I do not expect you to do great things, frankly, I feel just honoured being your mom.

We’ve reached the lucky seven, you and me together, although for me, it is twice the luck ๐Ÿ˜‰ . You are neither little kids nor young adults. It is a difficult phase for me because you have grown curious about so many things. You ask questions and I do my best to answer them (ex: What does showing the middle finger mean?) . It is difficult to gauge your level of comprehension and I worry that I might push you across the border of innocence (frankly, NO mother likes to believe that her kids grew up!), but there are so many things you need to be prepared for. The world today is not as kind as before, people around you would be quick to judge, quick to blame and quick to demean. But you need to hold on to the goodness in your heart. Keep that flame of kindness alive, no matter how others treat you.

And laugh. Laugh as you laugh today, from your belly, with abandon, with the sparkle in your eyes.

Because that’s all it takes to make your world a better place to live inย ๐Ÿ™‚

Many Happy Returns of the Day my Babies…….!

PS : Here’s a little collage of you two over the last two years! Am sure you’ll find pictures of before somewhere in this blog ๐Ÿ™‚

Six to Seven :)

Six to Seven ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Love you forever ๐Ÿ™‚

Yours,

 

 

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F-I-V-E

Dear Lui & Shobbs,

There were a lot of ways in which I wanted to write this post. The first plan was to do a comparative analysis of the differences between the time when you were wee little infants and your current boisterous selves.

I dropped that plan pronto ๐Ÿ˜

(No point in going back to the infant you. That time is long past. You are individuals in your own right with a mind of your own ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Then I thought of doing a round-up of the year, of listing all the major milestones covered, the achievements, the speed-breakers….but then I realized that I have not chronicled this year very well ๐Ÿ˜ฆ . There were large gaps between my posts and not much can be inferred from what I did put up! I regret it deeply and I guess this situation kind of motivates me to write more often, take down every little thing you say or do ๐Ÿ™‚

Frankly, this year was very different from the past few. This was the first time your father wasn’t here to pamper you silly. If you were a little older, you could understand how deeply he was hurt at missing your birthday. His prayers though, are with you , as usual ๐Ÿ™‚

We didn’t have a party on your birthday, per se, but two days before that. It confused you a bit initially, but you realized soon enough the difference between “just-a-party” and “actual-birthday” ๐Ÿ˜€

You got more gifts this year than all the years before put together!

This was the first time you both helped me with the decorations, suggesting where to put up the balloons and how to string the streamers ๐Ÿ˜€

You didn’t cry or throw a tantrum, rather, I guess this was the first time you were comfortable with the crowd and enjoyed the company of other children ๐Ÿ™‚

You didn’t eat a single bite of the delicious chocolate cake or the kiwi one ๐Ÿ˜ฆ (everyone else enjoyed it immensely except the two it was meant for !)

As I went through the party snaps, I realized with a pang that you two have indeed grown up. Youย  Lui at 3’8″ and Shobby at 3’5″ are not nearly as tall as other children your age, but when I see the confident gaze as Lui looks at the camera, or the casual stance that Shobby takes as he poses for his snap, I realize just how much has changed. You have become aware, if I may use the term here….aware of your surroundings, things, people and each other. You understand your effect on your family. You know the reactions you can get out of us with your one statement or action. The difference now is that you aren’t as naive as before ๐Ÿ˜€ ….and I haven’t been able to figure out if that is a good thing ! ๐Ÿ™„

This year, you added to your vocabulary by leaps and bounds. It is futile to have secret conversations around you two ๐Ÿ˜ฆ . Which reminds me of your new-found love for secrets! Though you both confide in me, it is a little surprising that you both want to keep secrets from each other! Maybe, just maybe, you are making an attempt to wean yourself off from each other! Yet again, am not sure if that is a good thing ๐Ÿ˜

This year I saw you both going through your own set of hurdles ย …..friendly Lui had trouble keeping friends , got bullied ,was nick-named a cry-baby (even at home) but came back with excellent grades in school. Shobby, you turned into a popular guy in class, had to struggle with memorizing sentences, excelled in maths and drove everyone nuts with your constant volley of questions! None of the hurdles were bad enough to stop you two. And we are trying to make sure that you continue to do good in the things that interest you.

This last one year has been a little sad, with you both missing your “favorite Abbu” (your words, not mine ๐Ÿ˜€ ) like anything and insisting on talking to him every morning and night ๐Ÿ™‚ . Somewhere along the way, I realized that you two had taken control over the situation much better than we had anticipated (Alhamdulillah). Though Lui cried buckets when your father was leaving last time, she was back to normal the next day, even philosophical about why he had to be away ๐Ÿ™‚ .

This year, I saw an immense improvement in your manners and your public behavior….more than once, I have swelled with pride when people have congratulated me on you. I shouldn’t be taking credit, I’m not responsible for your good behavior alone.ย  Your grandparents and Chachu have done pretty much from their side in bringing out the best in you ๐Ÿ™‚

Dear babies (and I’ll continue to call you that even when I’m halfway to my grave), you are the light of my life and your father’s life itself! We both love you so much, it is difficult to describe in words how we really feel. Many a times, when your father is here and we see you sleeping peacefully, your lashes fanning your soft cheeks, Shobby curled into a little ball like a hedgehog and Lui’s arms and legs flung across the bed, we can’t help but marvel at the wonder of having two gorgeous babies like you two and wonder, for the umpteenth time, what we did right in life to deserve you two ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy Birthday Sweethearts…may you have all the best in life in all the coming years. Ameen.

I know I should have done this post yesterday but I was too busy spending the day with you to notice when time flew by! Its a day late, but I know you wouldn’t mind ๐Ÿ˜€

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Pretty in Pink

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Dapper Shobby

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Pleased as punch ๐Ÿ™‚

Love you both! A thousand times over ๐Ÿ™‚

Yours,

 

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*Giggle*

Okay, so I’m being rather nasty here and maybe one day, when my kids read this, they will never forgive me, but I seriously MUST post this ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

Yesterday, while I was ironing the twin’s school uniform, Shobby came up to me and muttered, “Mumma, Little Z has not come to school for so many days”. I looked down at Shobby, he looked truly worried and heart-broken.

Now, for the un-informed, Shobby and Little Z are BFF.  I guess she adores Shobby as much he does her. Make what you can of it ๐Ÿ˜€

Anyway, even I was concerned why the little girl didn’t show up for so many days. So I fished out the phone and gave her mother a call. In fact, if I had given the phone to Shobby, he could have dialed the number himself. He remembers it so well ๐Ÿ˜‰ .

When the mother picked the call, I asked her about Little Z. Turns out, the poor girl was bitten by some insect which made her skin break out in an awful rash. But all was fine now and the girl would come to school the next day, her mother reassured.

Since Lui was hanging on to my shoulder, begging me to let her talk to Little Z, I asked her mom if Z was around. She was, and I spoke to her for a minute before handing over the phone to Lui. As with all pesky moms, I turned the phone on speaker mode before giving it to Lui !

Lui, with all the sincereity of her gentle heart, asked Little Z about her health and why she didn’t come and all the usual talk. Z replied to a couple of questions and then, ignoring Lui’s further queries, said this, ” Lui, please give phone to Shobby”. Lui initially ignored the command and kept on talking, discussing all that they did in class that day. Z repeated her request one more time , a little too firmly, I think, ” Lui, give the phone to Shobby. I want to talk to him”.

Shobby all but burst with pride when Z said this. He immediately grabbed the phone from Lui and with what I think was a distinct blush, started asking her about her health ๐Ÿ™‚ . They spoke for a few minutes in which Little Z’s voice became much melloewr and sweeter than when she was talking with Lui. Once done, Shobby came up to me and handed over the phone.

I have no words to describe the distinct glow on his face as his face beamed like a thousand flashlights. No words were necessary. He just grinned and walked off.

Lui, poor girl was offended big time. She just couldn’t understand why she was sidelined by Z in favour of Shobbs. “She is my friend too”, said Lui, her brow furrowed with worry.

“Its okay dear”, I consoled her, “it happens”.

Lui went off to look for Shobby while I sat there pondering once again…..why now? Why not after another decade?!!

๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

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A Day At The Park

The twins miss their evening time at the park.

With my schedule, its impossible for me to take them out. By the time the in-laws get back from work, it is either too late for them to accompany the kids or they are too tired to do so. Can’t blame them too. The nanny whom we had hired a long time back, was given the boot sometime early this year. Her constant disappearances and no-shows were not working for us. So now, the twins go to the day-care after school, the in-laws pick them up around 5:30-6:00 pm after which they come home. We cant let the twins go alone because there are plenty of bullies out there who have pushed and shoved my kids off swings and slides right in front of me !! I wonder what they will do if my children don’t have an adult for supervision ๐Ÿ˜ .

Every weekend, I plan to take them to play, but each weekend, something for the other comes up and we miss out on the trip. Lately, I’ve been feeling very guilty of the kids being deprived their play-time. Sure they play at home, run around and jump over every visible furniture at home but it isn’t the same as going down a slide or feeling the hair blowing behind you as you reach out high on a swing ๐Ÿ˜

Last Sunday, we visited the BF’s aunt. The minute we landed at her place, the kids pleaded to be let out to play in the society garden. Since we’ve been there before, the kids knew where to go and what to play with. I went down with them because I’m still not confident of letting them out of my sight in public places!

The sheer glee with which the kids went out running was a little heart-breaking! I mean, its a simple pleasure of life, loads of kids play in parks everyday, but for mine, it was a luxury to be let out in the open like this. Even after entering the park, they were torn between running to the swings or climbing up the slide or the merry-go-round or see-saw! They finally charted their own paths and began enjoying in earnest ๐Ÿ™‚

swinging along !

swinging along !

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Shobby tried the swing, but as always, his motion sickness kicked in and within a couple of minutes, he begged to be let off! Its funny once again, how completely opposite the twins can get…Lui swings so high I’m terrified that she will flip and break her head and Shobbs cant tolerate even a moderately paced swing ๐Ÿ˜

But my boy is a great slider! He can play on a slide in continous loops for ages, without a break! Wonder why the motion sickness doesnt kick in then….it sure does to me, at least when I look at him constantly. All that flurry of his movements makes me dizzy ๐Ÿ˜

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Sliding down together

Sometimes, he’s brave enough to even try out stunts

"And this is where I decide to give Mom the shock of her life"

“And this is where I decide to give Mom the shock of her life”

After about an hour’s play, I took them inside. Keeping the kids occupied at relative’s place is usually a difficult thing to do so I normally carry some toys for them. This time, I’d bought a cheap railway track with four bogies (running on a single pencil cell) from a store near my place. It was a last minute purchase and surprisingly, the kids have preserved it in its minted form. Many expensive toys have been trashed within minutes, but this silly little train is cared for deeply. The twins dismantle it carefully, stack the tracks and the bogies in their respective slots in the box , put it inside its cover and then keep the box inside the plastic bag I had bought it in ๐Ÿ˜ . The worst part is, they follow this routine religiously , each time they play with the train! Finally growing up, I must say ๐Ÿ˜€

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“Look Mom, we assembled the train”

I went a bit off-track there (see what I did here? ๐Ÿ˜€ ) . Was talking about the park-time!

The kids were so happy with the park that towards evening, they once again insisted on going there. This time, they wanted the see-saw. I’m not very happy about see-saws myself. I have sustained more injuries because of see-saws as a child and in my opinion, it is a very unsafe plaything. But the twins insisted so I piled them on one. I think what I’ll remember most about that evening was the way the twins laughed heartily each time they soared up and came crashing down ๐Ÿ™‚

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Lui LOVES being called a Chinese. Wonder why?! ๐Ÿ˜€

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Shobby giggles far more than Lui. Wonder why?? ๐Ÿ˜

For all the time I was there with the kids, I realized with a pang just how much they are deprived of some joys and how less they complain about it ๐Ÿ˜ฆ . We had a blast at the play area and I think I must make the visits to the society park at least a weekend affair.

Its only fair on the kids, right ?! ๐Ÿ™‚

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Lui Says……

……the damnedest things!!

Lui, with a body of a nearly-five-year-old, has a head of a 90-year-old. She spouts wisdom at the drop of a hat and even without!ย  Though we call her the granny of the house in jest, the truth is that she exhibits so many qualities of her great-grandmother (the Big-Dadi) that it borders on the spooky!!

Big Dadi was fond of fruits, Lui can survive on them entirely.

Big Dadi was very loving and affectionate. Lui loves to hug people, pat their backs and say that everything will be alright ๐Ÿ˜

Big-Dadi , while watching TV, used to sit cross-legged with a hand propped on her knee, with the palm supporting her face. Lui sits EXACTLY like that (Creepy ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ) .

Big Dadi was fond of her butter and Ghee. Lui can eat butter and ghee with a spoon. ( *gag* ๐Ÿ˜ฏ )

There are too many similarities between to list here, but suffice to say, Lui is a reincarnation of her Big-Dadi ๐Ÿ™‚

Being the granny that she is, Lui comes up with lines that have me mostly banging my head against a wall or more recently, looking around helplessly, wondering how come I landed in this parenting mess in the first place ๐Ÿ˜ !

Some recent comments from Her Highness –

1) Lui and Shobbs went crazy over a jar of sweet, strawberry flavored water sticks that I’d bought them once. The jar was steeply priced for a very little quantity and I didn’t buy it again. A few days back, I saw that jar in aย  shop and purchased it. The twins have been on impeccable behavior for some time now and it seemed apt to reward them for it. As soon as I entered the house, I yelled out for the kids. Lui came running to greet me. I beamed at her and pulled out the jar.

“Look what I’ve got for you”, I was all excited ๐Ÿ™‚

Lui, instead of hopping with happiness, gives me a look of pity, pats my shoulder gently and as though explaining to an imbecile, says, ” Mumma, this is NOT healthy at all!!”

Huh !!

๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜

“Err…you don’t want this??”, I was, to put it mildly, beyond shocked!

“Its okay. I’ll eat it because you got it for me”

Good Lord!! The generosity!!!

Just then, Shobby bounded into the room and as soon as he spotted the jar, his face split into two with the widest grin I’ve seen in ages!

“Wow Mumma, you bought this!!”, he exclaimed, happiness oozing from his every pore. Thank God for Shobbs. My little saving grace, thats what he is ๐Ÿ˜€ !

“Shobbyyyy”, calls out a stern voice. “This is not healthy Shobby”, warns Lui.

Shobby’s face falls, he’s torn between his love for the wafer, but is terrified of the repercussions if he defies Lui…..it is a tense moment, I’m not sure what to say or do. I look at them silently glaring at each other.

“Okay, eat one now. But only one, Samjhe??”, Lui gives in magnanimously.

Shobby’s grin is back, he pulls out two wafers, gives one to Lui and brother and sister walk away hand in hand.

I sit there withย  the jar, and after looking at it for a while, just throw caution to the wind and yank out two wafers for myself!

As long as my kids know how to keep healthy, why deprive myself ?!!

๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

2)ย  I was feeding the kids dinner (yeah, I still do that….its the only meal we have together and I like feeding them myself. MUST stop it soon, maybe sometime around their Birthday, I’ll wean myself out of this habit ๐Ÿ˜€ ) . The twins were enjoying the luxury of watching TV (some inane cartoon which I’ve decided never to let the twins watch again because it contained inappropriate content). The in-laws were having their dinner peacefully in another corner of the room. Shobby got bored of the cartoon and switched the channel. Lui, without a second’s hesitation, whacked him hard on the chest. Her movement was so quick and so unexpected that with Shobby, we all gasped out loud.

“Lui,” I thundered,” How dare you hit your brother?”.

He changed the channel. I was watching it “, she yelled back.

I was furious, more so because the violence was brought out by a stupid animation ๐Ÿ˜

“Lui, if you EVER raise your hand on Shobby again, I’ll punish you. VERY BADLY. Got it??”. I yelled back at her.

“Listen Mumma”, she toned down a bit but the attitude was still in place, ” Nobody in this world is perfect. Only Allah is perfect. Everyone in this world makes mistakes. Ho jaata hai“.

Huh?!!

๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜

Am still not sure if it was said to calm me down, was an apology or just an excuse for her behavior.

But this is when I looked around helplessly, terrified of what the future has in store for me. I still have another 15 years to go before she charts her own path.

So Allah, being perfect, please help me ๐Ÿ˜

3) It was bedtime, the twins had changed into their pyjamas . I asked Shobby to switch on the Goodnight which he gladly did. As I was fluffing-up the pillows and dusting the bed, Shobby says in a small voice, “Mumma, mujhe Abbu ki yaad aa rahi hai“.

I took a deep breath and turned to console my child.

No luck !

Lui beat me to it.

She was hugging Shobby to her bosom, patting his head and back, caressing his cheeks and cooing lovingly that Abbu will be back soon and that he missed them too and that we’ll all have fun when he gets back.

I was stumped. The two stood there for what seemed like ages, hugging each other, sharing their grief.

Lui has usurped my role successfully.

Someone please remind me what exactly am I still doing in this house !!

๐Ÿ˜ : |: |

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Sticky Wicket

No, this isn’t about cricket.

I abhor cricket from the depths of my soul and it would be sacrilege of me to dedicate a post to it on my blog.

(I need to do a penance for the last two lines itself ๐Ÿ˜ . AND for the title ๐Ÿ˜ฆ )

I’m in a little tricky situation these days.

My children go to a day-care that is runย by a lady who is Jain. She is very good with the children and I don’t have to worry about them while they are at her place. She makes pretty good lunch dishes for them and I must confess, she is responsible for making the twins enjoy their cabbages and bhindi. Being an ex-English-language faculty, she is also responsible for the twins picking up English faster than their classmates. Also, she’s the only available day-care near my place and I’m heavily dependent on her!

My only concern is regarding what she feeds into my children’s minds.

Earlier, I didn’t pay attention to the one-off comments, but with Eid-Ul-Zuha around the corner, she has upped her ante and keeps bombarding the twins with statements which are disrespectful of our religion.

“Only cruel people kill goats”.

“So many animals will die. When they go to heaven, they will complain against you”.

“Eggs are nasty things. They make normal people like me vomit”.

Obviously, the twins are mighty influenced. They are ready to give up their eggs and chicken because the day-care lady says so !

I did try to convince the two that sacrificing of a goat to feed the poor is not a crime. It is ordained in the Quran and is by no means sinful. Also, it is possibly the only ‘ritual’ in Islam. For people who cannot afford a goat, giving even grains to the poor is acceptable. The crux of the ritual is to feed poor people what they would not normally afford to eat.ย  Also, the leather from the goats is used in leather factories for making shoes, belts, etc. What I want to say is that the sacrificial goat is not wasted.

This was a little heavy for the twins to understand, though I put it forwardย in the simplest manner possible.

My concern is, should I confrontย the day-care ladyย about this? Communal statements aside, she is rather good with the twins and takes care of them well. For this reason itself I’ve been keeping quiet all along. But it irks me to find her feeding negativity about our religion to my children. I don’t force vegetarians/vegans to change their choices and I don’t expect to change mine for them. Then why should my children be coaxed to do so?

There is a lot more cruelty towards animals happening around us. Hundreds of birds are killedย annually during kite-festivals, of which some birds are already in the endangered species list. Plenty of animals suffer food poisoning around Holi and Diwali, not to mention other ailments due to loud sounds (We lost a much lovedย pet due to a rocket that landed in his food bowl). 80% of the western world survives on meat as theirย the only diet. Situation is worse in countriesย like China & Japan. More animals are killedย in road accidents than by any other means. These deaths are not accounted for or repented. But a goat sacrifice during Eid-Ul-Zuha that becomes an act of cruelty, knowing that all that meat is given to the needy & poor people?

Explaining this to a hardcore vegetarian may beย next to impossible and that is one reason I’m skeptical about bringing this up with the day-care lady. But then, how exactly should I ask her to stop making my kids follow her beliefs? My kids sit with her when she performs her puja, I’ve never objected to that. My kids fold their hands and go around in circles chanting “Ram, Ram”, I’ve never told them that they cantย do that in our house! I’ve been as liberal with them as I’ve been brought up to be. But there are times when a line has to be drawn.

My problem is, I just don’t know how exactly to draw that line?

Any suggestions??

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Compensation

There was a short post on FB by Shail on modern parents compensating their love with gadgets. It was a humorous take on gadgets at least being available now ๐Ÿ˜€

It did get me thinking though.

What exactly does it mean by compensating love?

Does it mean that you cannot love your child enough and that is why you have to give them expensive stuff to be happy?

Or does it mean that you don’t have the time to love your child and buy them expensive stuff to keep them busy?

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If it’s any of the above two, then gadgets do serve the purpose, don’t they? They keep the children happy as well as busy. And if some parents are okay with it, who am I to judge? I, personally speaking, have very strong views about children and gadgets (it doesn’t help that a very popular cartoon character fishes out amazing gadgets at the drop of a hat! My children think he’ s the epitome of cool-th and want a magic pocket just like him ๐Ÿ˜ ).

Since, its none of the above two reasons for me, I desist from making my children gadget friendly. I’d rather they be an ignoramus than be a smart-ass.

But then, this post isn’t about gadgets. It’s about compensation.

I wonder, who started using the word “compensation” in a parent-child relationship anyway? How exactly in this world can we compensate for something that we cannot measure? And by ‘something’, I mean Love, not time! Time is measurable ๐Ÿ˜€

What got me thinking more on these lines was an incident that happened at home the other day. The twins were jumping up and down on the sofas after being strictly warned not to do so. I raised my voice sharply and scolded the two to stop the jumping right now!

The FIL, who was in the hall with me, immediately cautioned me, “Don’t shout at the kids, remember, you are not at home the whole day“. He didn’t add to it further but the wheels of my mind started churning rapidly. Should I not correct my children when they are doing wrong, just because I go to work?ย  Should I be always sweet and obliging because I don’t spend the whole day with them?

I did not point out my vehemence to the FIL right then, maybe next time a similar situation comes up, I will voice my opinion.

But I just want to know, how many people believe that because a woman goes out to work, she should be extra kind and generous towards her children?

wm2

Since the kids started school, I’ve kept telling them that I need to go to work just as they need to go to school. Only that my work timings are longer. The twins have learned to accept my absence. Sure, they miss me when I get late but it isn’t a deal-breaker in our relationship. I do everything that a regular mother does. I get them up, make their lunch boxes, prepare their breakfast, brush their teeth, bathe them, get them dressed for school, pack their bags and see them off. The only thing I don’t do is give them lunch (they have it at the day-care). Once I’m back, I take their homework/studies, feed them, prepare their uniform/shoes for the next day, tell them stories, give them milk and lie down with them till they go off to sleep.ย  Projects, assignments, preparing for assessments, all are done in time. Any extra work of mine is done after the kids are asleep.

mommy

Nowhere in my regular day do I feel that I lack in my responsibilities as a mother. I may be spending less time with my children, but every second that I do, is accounted for. From the minute I come back from office to the time the kids leave for school, we are together. Weekends we either laze about or do some crafts. Sometimes, I even take them out to meet relatives or friends (Shopping with children is still off the list).

Till date, I’ve never let my work come between me and the kids. They are my priority, sure, but my work is important too. The kids understand this. I’ve done nothing to let my children feel that they can boss over me using the guilt train because I’m not at home! They don’t do it. I was just peeved that the FIL felt I should be guilty because I’m a working woman.

Maybe its just a generation thing. At their time a woman’s sole responsibility was to look after the home and hearth. My in-laws are by far one of the most broad-minded couple in my entire relative circle, but there are times, like recently,ย  when age-old conditioning sets in . I don’t grudge them that.

I’m just worried that someday, their perception of a working woman’s attitude towards her children will rub off on my children. I don’t want my kids to believe that I’m doing something wrong by going out to work and they need to be compensated for my absence ( They will never get anything from me if they take that route ๐Ÿ˜ย  ) . Today they are too small to understand the implication of the FIL’s words, but tomorrow, they will understand it and God forbid, even use it to their advantage!

So, has anyone else faced similar circumstances, arm-twisting by the children, guilt-trips? Please share how you went about handling such situations!

wm3

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