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The Break-Up

“We aren’t really heading anywhere, are we??”
“I need some time”.
“Its been eight years already. How much longer do I have to wait?”
“They’ll take some time to come around”.
“I’m tired of hearing that !”
“I know”.
We can’t carry on like this”.
“Hmmm”.
“You have to tell them today …..or…..or lets just call it quits”.
No!!”
“I hate myself for saying this…but I think I’ve waited long enough. Walking away is better than this hanging uncertainty”.
“You don’t understand….”
“No! YOU don’t understand”.
“Is that what you think?? That you are the only one who suffers?”
“I don’t know about suffering…but you seem to be the one who doesn’t care”.
I don’t care??! So its all my MY fault now?”
“Thats for you to decide”.
“You know what?? I think you were right!! Walking away from each other would be best for us”.
“Are you dumping me?”
“Weren’t you the one to start this thing first?”
“Okay fine! If this is how you want it to end, so be it”.
“Hey! It was YOUR idea! You are the one who wants it to end!”
“Yeah right. So blame me! I wonder why I stood by you all these years!”
“You didn’t!! You weren’t there half the times I needed you!”
“Oh! So this is the gratitude I get.”
“You get NOTHING!”
“I’m outta here”.
“Good bye“.
*SLAM*
—–
—–
—–
—–
—–
—–
—–
—–
Ding Dong.
“I can’t“.
“Neither can I!!”
“Marry me”.
“Right away”.

But it was another 18months before they tied the knot!

Some wait that was 😐



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The Grumpy BF!

So I’m reading this big Agatha Christie book now that is actaully a compilation of four of her novels. Am done with the first two, am on the third now. So rivetting are the plots and the subsequent deductions that it is very hard (really hard) for me to put the book down. Needless to say, I carry it with me at all times(irrespective of its bulk) and pull it out whenever I get a few minutes to myself.
After a week of this behavior, I think the BF has finally started losing patience. He’s not much of a book lover himself (who am I kidding here! He’ll willingly forgo a bet than sit through even a comic 😦 ), and he can’t understand my obsession with reading.
So this morning,before leaving for work, as I sipped tea and flipped pages of the aforementioned novel, he burst out :-
“I feel as though you’ve got a new boyfriend! I feel left out 😦 “

Uh – Oh!
😐

So NOT done, I tell you…

A wife must never make her husband feel that way. Feelings of insecurity and loneliness must NEVER be allowed to breed. So like the loving and dutiful wife that I am, I said, “Exactly how I feel when you have that damn blackberry stuck to your ear 😀 “, and I went back to reading my book.

Aaah!! The priceless look on his face, I tell you 🙂 . It makes this marriage totally worth it 😀

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Jab Baap Beti Raazi…..

I’m in the drawing room, enjoying a cup of tea with the newspapers, when I hear a loud scream from my bed-room.

Dropping the cup and papers, I rush inside to find Lui sprawled on the bed with her father mock-gnawing at her arm. Lui is screaming in agony, thrashing her legs and the BF refuses to let go. Shobby sits nearby, cheering his father on.

I yell at the BF and order him to let go of Lui’s arm RIGHT NOW!

The BF doesn’t bother to reply to me. He just looks up at his daughter.

Abhi yeh haath“, says the brat, looking up wickedly at her father and extending her other arm to be gnawed at!

Gaah!!

The BF gives me a triumphant look before doing his daughter’s bidding!

This baap-beti jodi will drive me mad one day!!

===================================



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…….your Hubby knows you better than the back of his own hand 😐

Conversations which corroborate my above statements :-

1) The BF wants to hang up an extension box for my ironing convenience. I stand by, observing him going about this household task. The reason being, my hubby’s not much of a handyman. I mean, not that he can’t do anything, but he just doesn’t want to. There’s a difference, you see 😀 .  But there are times, like last Sunday, when he’s pumped up and raring to go. During such times, all leaky drains will be fixed, hanging wires will be rolled up and kept in place, potted plants would be dug up and watered. But these instances are few and far between 🙂

Anyhow, that particular day, he was going about his work, when he asked me if I had some cellotape. Me, the one accused of cluttering forever, usually has everything from a pin to a drilling machine which is presented to the  M’Lord when he so desires. So I brought out a big roll of cellotape and handed it over to him. He started hunting for the open end of the tape.

Me : (looking on intently and thinking to myself –  Hmph!! He can’t find the end. Look at him floundering! Bet he will turn and ask me to find it for him!! )

Meanwhile, the BF found the end, tugged at it and pulled out some length.

BF : Do you have scissors.

 (Now, I did have the scissors, but I wanted to punish him for starting something without the necessary tools and then making me run around fetching stuff)

Me : No. (Thinking to myself – Now he’ll ask me to rip off a length with my teeth! )

The BF  meanwhile uses his teeth to cut the tape, uses it where we needed it and hands back the roll to me. I’m a bit peeved because he proved me wrong. I put the tape back in its place and head back to him.

BF : You know, for a moment there, I almost gave in to your expectation.

Me : Huh? What expectation?

BF : You were sure I was floundering for the tape end and I knew you expected me to hand it over to you to find it 😀

Me : *gasp* 😯

BF : Moreover, when you didn’t have the scissors, you thought I’ll ask you to cut the tape with your teeth. Didn’t you?!

Me : (weakly) Wherever did you get that idea from ?!

BF : Don’t tell me I was wrong, because I know just what you were thinking. Its not yesterday that I met you 😀

Me : *groan* 😦

2) Its bed-time and I’m herding the kids into the room. Now, we have an arrangement where the kids and I sleep on the bed and the BF sleeps on a mattress below. Save your sympathy in case you were directing some his way. The reason he sleeps below is that the BF needs LOADS of space even in his sleep. He loves to sprawl all over the bed, irrespective of whether his arms and legs are getting in the way of wife or kids. He’s been banished to his own mattress below, where believe me, he sleeps like a baby.

Well, when in the process of getting the twins ready for sleep, I generally lay down the mattress for the BF (IF I’m feeling generous 😀 ) and spread the sheet. Sometimes, I even roll it up in the morning if he is particularly rushed. This night, I was in no mood to do the bed-spreading, so I diverted my attention towards the twins. The BF walks in, pulls out the mattress and lays his bed. I watch keenly, slyly. He tries spreading the sheet, but somehow, the folds refused to open and he had to struggle a bit with it.

Me : (to myself – Goodness!!! He can’t even spread a single sheet. I’m sure he’ll accuse me now of not helping him out. Let him even try it!! Am so gonna give him a piece of my mind!!).

As I watched, the BF finally spread the sheet right, fluffed his pillow and plunked himself on his ‘bed’.

BF : Disappointed??

Me : (surprised) Disappointed??For what??

BF : You thought I’ll blame you for not laying my bed, right?

Me : *gasp* 😯

BF : (big grin in place) AHA!!! I KNEW IT!!! You were just waiting with your curt reply if I had accused you. In fact, I even know exactly what you were going to say.

Me : (feebly) Seriously now. I really wasn’t going to say anything.

BF : Get real babes. You would have said, ‘You sleep on that bed, you make it up! Why should I?’

Me : he he. Of course not. You’re so wrong……..

 

But, he’s right , of course!!

😐



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Hello All, welcome to a new week, a week of schools reopening, diet regimes and exercise programs (the last two are strictly for me 😐 ). As usual, I had a hectic weekend, what with the usual weekend washings, cleaning, shopping, cooking and minding guests. As usual, its taken me the better half of Monday to accept the fact that the weekend is over and there is WORK to do 😦 (I’m still recuperating from the weekend hangover. For the record, I LOVE Mondays, because I get to come to office, which means I get to sit in one place instead of running myself ragged all around the house)

Anyhow, this weekend has been an eye-opener in many ways. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is always best to get professional help than solely relying on relatives, I’ve realized that its time to give the regular maid the boot, I’ve realized that it takes my kids about an hour’s time at the max to do permanent damage to their new school gear, I’ve realized that it hurts real bad to see my itty-bitty little kids dressed to go to school and I’ve realized that its time I overcame my complacent behavior and stood up to my in-laws when I feel they are not right. I’ve realized that my hubby might love me till the end of time, but he loves his family even more than that.  However ugly these home-truths might be, there are times when they have to be faced! And by jove, I’m slowly heading that way right now!!

——————-

I went school-stuff hunting.

*Sniff* My babies have grown up *sob sob*

So I bought two identical bags, two identical lunch boxes, two identical water bottles and two identical rain coats. Perfect 🙂 . Don’t want these two hankering over one colour that the other has! Believe me, I’ve found that it’s always wise to give the two of them identical stuff. So even if they swap, we’re good 🙂

But like I said above, one of life’s lessons that I’ve learnt is that one should NEVER disclose new stuff to kids before the school starts. This is because the twins have collectively managed to damage one school bag and break the strap of one water bottle. And the school hasn’t even started yet!! To boot, since I was feeling generous, I bought them both two magnetic writing boards. The slider of one and the metal tip of the pen of the other has been broken off . Generosity can take a hike, I say. These brats deserve nothing 😐

——————

The twins looked adorable, their bags slung over the shoulders, bottles around their necks and cheeky grins in place. I admit I was all teary-eyed. The twins were super happy and refused to remove their bags. And I admit, they must have drunk a week’s supply of water from their new bottles 🙄 . Looks like they are all set for the 15th of this month when the school starts. Thats when the real rolling-on-the-floor-bawling will begin . And oh, I’m talking about me and NOT the kids. Just saying 🙂

——————-

The BF’s aunt was staying with us for the last 4 months, helping us tend to the GMIL. Well, the aunt lately developed a blockage in her bladder and had to undergo surgery herself. This was last Friday. So as of now, we have two patients to look after. The MIL is planning on extending her summer vacation till the time the aunt gets well.

Life’s just getting more and more interesting!!

(Not to say, tiring 😦 )

——————

I had a chat with the doctor who comes in everyday to change the GMIL’s dressing. He was very forthright and practical and said that GMIL’s condition will take a very long time to heal. Maybe years.

Its been rather depressing around the house lately. There are questions mounting over questions. We can’t keep the aunt with us indefinitely. She has her own household to get back to. The MIL is now facing the tough question of taking premature retirement. I know she loves her job and it would kill her to stay at home full time. We could keep a nurse surely, but then we would need at least two of them to keep GMIL company 24/7 . The hunt for the nurses is on, but in case we aren’t able to get them, the MIL will likely quit. It doesn’t help that my two MILs just barely tolerate each other 😦

Like I said before, Life’s just getting more and more interesting !!

—————–

I had my first disagreement with the FIL. In fact, I did have the same issues before too, but lately, I find his arguments unreasonable. Frankly, I haven’t spoken to him about it yet. I doubt I ever will.

Anyhow, the issue is that my daughter is turning into a brat by the day. She has very strong vocal chords and doesn’t mind using them when she’s in one of her tantrums. As a result, if we don’t bow to her wishes, she immediately starts to bring the roof down. Now I’m a very practical person, I know that she will cry for some time and then realizing that it leads her nowhere, will make her toe the line. I don’t pamper my kids with their demands if they cry or howl, instead, I insist that they ask politely and if refused, learn to take it in the right way.

The problem is, when the FIL is home, he is severely disturbed by Lui’s crying. The minute she raises her voice, he immediately tells us to give in to her demands. Many times, I’ve tried reasoning with him that this will just spoil her further. But the FIL says he gets a headache when she cries so when he’s home, we should simply do anything and everything to make her stop.

Lui, being clever along with being vocal, has caught on to this trend. So she saves her worst tantrums for the time when the FIL is home. All my disciplining goes down the drain because he always asks us to bow down to her. The cunning little girl makes sure now that if I don’t, she will enter her grandfather’s room and start howling, making sure to elicit a response from her dada.

I really have no clue how to handle this situation. The MIL, being reasonable , has tried to intervene and let the FIL know that Lui is getting spoilt by his behavior. He brushes it off with a “discipline her some other time, just make her stop now”. The BF does not get into any argument with his father over the twins, so its unlikely that my FIL will ever change. My only hope rests on the MIL, but then, I can’t really talk to her about this without making her feel that I’m hurling accusations at her husband.

One tricky situation I’m in, I guess.

————————–

I’ve decided that the regular maid has to go. She just has to go. In a period of 6 months, she has worked for about 3 months approximately. Not a good record I say, specially when you have an ailing granny and working women at home. We rely on her to ease some of our work and if she fails doing that, I guess we should give her the boot. The MIL has never deducted the maid’s salary for the missing days, citing her poverty issues. But if the poor themselves aren’t concerned where their next meal will come from, do we need bother??

———————

Sometimes, one should trust the critics and stay away from certain movies. Stay far, far away. And when you don’t, be prepared for a foul mood.

I saw “Thank You”.

That is something the director will never hear from my lips!!

And oh, I also saw “Dum Maro Dum” the previous evening. Is it a coincidence that Vidya Balan plays the deceased-wife’s-cameo-role in both the movies or does she like making those 2-min appearances where she gets to simper at the screen and then play dead? Believe me, her role in both the movies was so identical, it almost gave me goosebumps 😀

———————-

The BF loves me to no end. Frankly, I don’t know where the end is, but I know that he loves his family beyond my end. In fact, right this minute I should be on a “Maun Vrat” and refuse to talk to him, but since I know he didn’t mean any harm and can be rather daft at times, I forgive him.

Anyway, the background first. After a looong time, the BF took some time out yesterday to take me and the kids on a long drive. We didn’t really have any particular destination in mind, but since the weather was wonderful, it seemed a crime to stay indoors 🙂

While we were leaving, the MIL suggested that we have dinner out (she being the kind understanding type of woman who knows her DIL craves for some private time with the husband. God bless her ). We left, drove around some, checked out the fast-growing outskirts of the city which were nothing but fields a couple of years back. The BF asked me about dinner. I told him to head anywhere. So he told me about this restaurant which served some amazing dishes and we agreed to go there. I was SO looking forward to some quality time with the hubs and the kids. Its been ages since we could get away from the home for dinner.

Halfway to the venue, the BF calls up his brother and asks for his whereabouts. The BIL had a working day yesterday and was still some distance from home. So the BF took a detour and retraced back home, to pick up his brother for dinner.

This is when I should have kicked a storm and threatened to leave the brothers to dine alone. But I didn’t. If I had, it would have ruined the mood of the evening for everyone. The weather was far too perfect to do that 😀

Suffice to say, the Hubby considers me as so integral to his family that it never occurred to him that I might object. His gentle assumption that I look forward to a meal with his brother as much as he does, is at once humbling as it is confounding!! I guess the poor BIL realized it too, seeing that he quickly gobbled his meal and left the restaurant with the fidgety twins to give me and the BF some privacy.

Everyone in the family realizes my need for time with my husband,expect the said husband himself!!

Where does that leave me then?!

——————–



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Hiya Peeps,

Things have been rather busy at the home front these days and as a result I’m forever rushed at work too 😦

But like every silver lining to the black cloud, there’s some good coming out of all this mayhem 🙂

Anyhow, coming to the latest updates, for all those of you who called/messaged/pinged and commented about the GMIL, I have good news. GMIL is back home. Yay 🙂 . The twins are super-kicked to have their favourite Gran back and holler to be allowed to sit besides her on her bed. But given the stitches that run down half her thigh, we don’t oblige. Obviously!

Granny, on her part is a much softer person these days. Gone are the sharp admonitions and the stubbornness. You can say, the fire has dimmed and we can almost see a halo over her head 😀 .  She’s raring to start walking again and putting in all the effort she can (kudos to her!!) . Believe me, it isn’t easy at her age, but she’ll be damned if she has to spend the rest of her life tied to the bed. That thought scares her far more than it does us. We are waiting for the stitches to heal before we can start her on her physiotherapy. Currently, we just help her move her leg a bit just to keep the blood circulation going.

I got promoted.

I didn’t.

I got a designation change (one level up), but the same grade as before and no salary hike. Gloom 😦

But.

The BF got promoted. Again 🙄

And I’m really ticked off!!

I mean, the guy who was earning less than me while we got married, is now miles ahead. Dunno what happened to my kick-ass drive!! As he gloats, I groan in dismay. Poor performance, he says. Twins, I point out. I had them too, he reminds me. Not from there, I say, glancing at his tummy.You’re jealous, he smirks. Peeved, I correct. *giggle*, him. *Ouch*, him, after a hard bonk on the head with a pillow.

Peace prevails currently.

I haven’t uploaded any pics of the terrible-two in AGES!!! Any guesses why??

Because, after the last time I posted their pics, I was careless enough to misplace the memory card. With no time to buy a new one, I’m left memory-less when my kids do something cute and I have no way of capturing it 😦 . Sure, I go click-happy with my cell, but you know how those pics turn out 😦 . Buying a memory card is HIGH priority now!

In another news, Mom called up to say that she’s planning to drop down to Pune some day. Yippeee 🙂 . After ages, I shall have the comfort of sobbing my heart out on my mom’s lap 😀 (not that I have anything to sob about, but it looks like just the right kind of mushy thing to do 😉 ) .

One quick excerpt from a conversation at dinner time :-

Attendees : Me, MIL and BIL.

MIL : One of Abba’s friend’s has sent a bio-data.

BF : (busy munching) We have no openings at work currently.

MIL : Its for marriage.

BF :  *munch munch* Tell Abba not to bother.

MIL : (bewildered) Why?? Its a good proposal.

BF : Am not interested. (pointing to me) I can barely handle one.

*Silence*

BANG!

(That’s me banging down my glass as I get him)

MIL : LOL!!! You wish 😉

Context of the above conversation : We are looking for a match for the BIL. Poor guy was silent throughout he conversation.

Thats all for now.

Will come back with more updates once I’m done with this task at hand. Till then, me hearties,

Ciao 🙂

 



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I stay with my in-laws.

Which is not at all a bad thing. I like their presence and am grateful that I have their complete support and cooperation in bringing up the twins. If not for them, I would have yanked off all the hair on my head and run away from home. Thankfully, that is not the case. I’m still sane (Ameen 😀 ) .

But when I hear of friends setting up elaborate romantic dinners at home, or taking off to new places on a whim, or just talking about hanging around the house in their pyjamas, I feel the slightest twinge of regret. Or maybe guilt!

There must be a thousand such dinners that I must have planned, all in my head. Their execution is yet to see the light of day. Or night, as the case may be. In my 4-years of married life, I think there have been only 2 instances of me being with the BF at home, all alone. Two instances out of which, one was rudely cut-off when the in-laws decided to come back home 😀 (We were lucky not to be caught being naughty 😉  but the mood was killed even before it got underway 😀 ) . For the second, the BF was supposed to be out of town, but came down with a fever and was advised bed-rest. The dutiful wife in me spent the day in pati-seva!!

My in-laws are very understanding, compared to most conservative muslim households. It is my FIL who encourages me to pursue certifications to further my career (what career?! What certification?! I ask!! I’m lucky to be still employed 😀 ) . My MIL holds the fort whenever I’m getting late and doesn’t mind running after the twins, even if she returns drop-dead tired from her school. The GMIL has undertaken the responsibility of the twins in the absence of me and MIL and for that reason alone, I’m eternally grateful to her. If not for her, either me or the MIL would have to quit our jobs!!

But there are times when I want to be alone with my husband. To rustle up a romantic dinner set to soft music and candle-light. To talk uninhibited or loudly, without a care as to whom I will disturb, to wear what I want to and not just what I should. To be able to feed the kids, not bothering if they mess up the entire setting or to sing them silly songs and laugh as loud as I want to.

No one has ever stopped me from doing any of the above. I’m not sure if they would mind.  I know that if I did the same at my place, my parents wouldn’t mind. Heck, they wouldn’t even if my Bhabhi did all of the above.

But I know that BF sees his parents differently. He treats his parents with much deference and if he feels they wouldn’t like it, I don’t question him. So I guess what I’m doing right now is spinning a whole lot of yarn trying to cover up my rant against the BF 😀 . It would seem like that, I guess (at least to me when I re-read all the text above ).

I don’t have any complaints against the BF. It sure was surprising initially, when I found out that my very bubbly, mischievous husband had a serious, responsible persona at home. I thought it would be a temporary change. Maybe he was shy around his family. A love-marriage can make a person behave very differently indeed.

I was wrong. All these years (before marriage), I had seen only one side of him.

I see the bubbly side of him only when we are out together (rarely) or when I go home to my parents (even rarer). But at that time, it feels just like how it used to be. The way I knew my BF before we got married. But for some strange reason, he can’t be the same at home, in the presence of his family. Irks me to no end, but then, its his family and I’m no one to decide how he should behave with them !!

They are as much his support system as I am. They have as much a right over him as I do. They are used to seeing him in a different way and I don’t want it to ever change because of me. When I casually mentioned the BF’s behavior to the MIL (after my marriage), she was surprised. According to her, he was always like that. Shy and reserved.

SHY?? Reserved??

Are we talking about the same guy here? I wanted to ask her. But thought it better not to 😀 .

And so it stands. I live with a guy who has two different personalities. I revel at the way his family looks up to him, taking his decisions as the final say. I preen when not only the immediate family, but also, the relatives turn to him for help and guidance. I feel so proud of him when I hear even far-off relatives praising him to no end (including mine 😀 ) .

But I miss him. The one I knew. The one who’s always smiling and is always ready with a witty quip. The one who can make me laugh so hard as no one has ever before. The one who’s a child at heart whom I love to pamper. The one with whom there is never a dull moment.

I miss those times. And he knows it. And that’s the sad irony of it all.

Its only times like these that I wonder how life would be if I were living alone with him.

And then reality strikes hard and I realize, I’m a horrid home-maker. I count my lucky stars because my in-laws look into the daily matters of groceries and stuff. I never have to bother 😀 . Other than making breakfast, I doubt I contribute to the house in any way!! The MIL and FIL share all the work between them (and I should let you know that running a household of eight people isn’t all that easy!!) .

So I’m right where I started. I can’t live without my in-laws 🙂 .  Looks like I’ll just grin and bear the BF’s serious spell.

Romantic dinners can wait. For now .

😀



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