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Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

Foto Friday

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

 What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.

What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a rooster?

A cockapoodledoo!

What do you get if you cross a daffodil with a crocodile?

I don’t know but I wouldn’t try sniffing it!

What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?

A jump rope.

What would you get if you crossed a giraffe with a rooster?

An animal who wakes up people who live on the top floor.

What do you get if you cross a door with a floor mat?

A Doormatry. No, seriously 😐 

Didn't I tell you so?!!

Forgive me for the bad humour folks. I guess the weekend’s catching up with me 😀

You all have fun.



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University Selection

Am not sure whether the following mail thread is real or not, but it surely is amusing 🙂

Got it in the mail today. Sharing it with you all :-

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Who wouldn’t want to be in MIT ,a place where you would find more Noble laureates  than drug addicts. So given below is an amusing exchange of letters between MIT and a prospective student. The letter was first sent out to the student, whom the college thought ,was supposedly MIT material, but the student mistook this letter as a parody and the reply left MIT red-faced.

The Letter

Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567

Dear John:

You’ve got the grades. You’ve certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you’ve got a letter from MIT. Maybe you’re surprised. Most students would be.

But you’re not most students. And that’s exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.

The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!

Engineering’s not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.

What? Of course, you don’t want to be bored. Who does? Life here is tough and demanding, but it’s also fun. MIT students are imaginative and creative – inside and outside the classroom.

You’re interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams – 39 – than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.

You think we’re too expensive? Don’t be too sure. We’ve got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,
Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions

P.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “Insight,” just check the appropriate box on the form.

 

The reply
Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307

Dear Michael:

You’ve got the reputation. You’ve certainly got the pomposity. And now you’ve got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you’re surprised. Most universities would be.

But you’re not most universities. And that’s exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only one of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.

The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan’s future education. It certainly got my attention!

Don’t want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.

What? Of course you don’t want egotistical jerks. Who does? I am self-indulgent and over-confident, but I’m also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing – whether you’re laughing with him or at him.

You’re interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports – 47 – than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.

You think I can pay for your school? Don’t be too sure. I’ve got surprises for you there, too.
Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,
John Mongan

P.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “John Mongan: What a Guy!” just ask.

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That’s some reply 😉



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Things have been a wee bit morose on the MomOfRS blog lately…..so here’s some lighthearted reading for today  🙂

After a long time, I found something funny in my inbox. Sharing it with you all –

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The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his  life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s licence in the wallet of every husband or boyfriend.

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s my pay packet.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t over-do it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.

******************

Am taking a printout for the BF right now 😀



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Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Adolf.

Adolf who?

Adolph ball hit me in de mowf. Dat’s why I dawk dis way

 *********************

I cracked this joke to Dad recently. He didn’t find it funny. What’s more, he refused to laugh at it because it gave him a funny pain in his jaw. Plus, he threatened to sue me if I caused any more grievous damage to him.

(Naah, he didn’t.)

(It was Mom.)

The reason?

A couple of weeks back, Dad was happily ambling along the golf-course fairway, craning his neck to check if  his well teed-off shot could fetch him another hole-in-one or not. He couldn’t see his ball, but what he did see, he could have never anticipated in his wildest of dreams!!

A misplaced shot by an amateur golfer sent a fast paced golf ball right at his face.

Dad turned in time to prevent his head, but his jaw fell victim to the brutal assault.

Painful, I agree.

We asked Dad if he sued that bugger, but then Dad being Dad AND a true-blue golfer, said that Gentlemen playing golf don’t do that. They walk up to the offender and offer sympathies for the wrongly aimed shot. They then proceed to lecture the amateur on the technicalities of that most important tee off and then offer to conduct free of cost coaching for the next 3 months, at the convenience of the offender.

Thats how Gentlemen play golf, I’m told.

Thank you, but no thanks.

If I find a dimpled thingy hurtling at me, I’d run for the nearest cover. And in case I get hit, then I know what to do with that 3-Wood in my golf-bag !!

Anyhow, in case you are wondering how dad is, well, he’s recovering. Luckily, no bones were cracked or teeth torn out of their roots (that comes from years of existing as an Army man, I guess. Can’t see the BF encountering the same fate and returning with his complete set of dentures 😐 . No, I don’t think that would happen. And what would, is too ugly to  contemplate)

I like sporting injuries. They are like trophies. You display them with a hint of pride and loads of lovely memories. They are reminders of the time when you were quick like a fox and nimble like the fish. The days when you didn’t have an ounce of extra fat on you, when the sun’s rays were just that – sunrays. They weren’t cancer causing ultraviolet radiations out to kill you! I have a sporting injury. A crooked right ankle, thanks to an obscenely obese 13-year old toppling herself on me in a do-or-die kabaddi match. For the record, I did and almost died (that bag of lard fell on me, geddit? She was squeezing the life juice out of me lungs!!) I survived to tell the tale. It’s another thing that for years afterwards, I couldn’t run without suffering the severest muscle-pull around the ankle. For years, I steadily piled on the weight until I started resembling that bag-of-lard myself. Except that I have better sense and refrain from Kabaddi. Of course.

Bro has his share of tennis elbow injuries. Bags suffered from her swimming cramps (they are deadly, I tell you!!) . The BF had his wrists knocked out in Volleyball. And Aapa, though a non-sporty person now, was quite a basketball champ in her hey-days (in Tambaram High School, West Tambaram, Tamil Nadu). Whatever the case, I think its vital that we clung on to the sports even though we were knocked out black n blue. The most Mom would do would be to hand over a jar of iodex or bandage a severely scraped knee. Thats it. We were back in the field.

Come to think of it, don’t we pamper our kids a tad too much?? I mean, I scream like a banshee when my kid topples off the bed and lands on the floor (like Lui did this morning), all arm-waving, chest beating picture of motherhood gone crazy. Somehow, I just can’t picture my mother in the same mold.

Good for her, I say. Ooops, correction. Good for me. Else I would have turned into a namby-pamby good-for-nothing still striving for my mother’s apron strings!

But I’m not.

(A namby-pamby, that is. I confess I still strive for mumma’s apron strings though 😦 )

 But the point is, I’m kind of tough. Years of being in sports does that to you. Of course I don’t have a steel jaw like Dad or sinewy arms like Bro or  mile -wide shoulders like the BF (aaarghh!! that would’ve looked awful), but I’m tough. I can take a injury and still smile through it. I have a strong resistance to pain (except for that one time I got my eye-brows done and swore never to touch them again 😐 ) and am proud to say I’m one tough cookie.

So if a golf ball comes carting my way, I’ll survive. I may lose a couple of the pearlies, but I’ll back to post about it. Maybe , even add a knock-knock joke of my own.

Hopefully, Dad would find it funny then 🙂

 

 

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A Day in The Life of India

Got these in the mail. Thought of posting it under Monday Laughs, but then thought, its never too early to spread some cheer 🙂

Check these out, totally Howl-arious 😀 !!

Ooohh!! Me scared!!

 

Speechless 😐

 

Cricket does that to us 🙂

 

*gulp*

 

When you have to go, you have to go!!

 

Really!! I'm trying hard to be offended here!

 

Exactly what God likes!!A real good rub from the house of the 'Unknown' 😀

 

ROFL!! 😀

Errmmm... Guilty 😛

 

How appropriate 🙂

 

*Giggle*

 

Thanda Thanda!!

 

The Irony !!!

 

Some circus act, this!!

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Husbands!!

Goes to show how keenly men adhere to their wives’ words!! :-

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A wife asks her husband – a software engineer: 

“Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!”

  A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had eggs.”

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It is that time of the month….

……..when I exceed my permitted net usage limit and have to forego blogging.

(Hah!! Got you there, didn’t I?!! I bet you thought something else 😉 )

Anyhow, will be on a short break (maybe a couple of days) . Shall try posting something over the weekends , if the kids permit 😀 .

Till then, here’s a witty one-liner to laugh at :-

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
 
Oops!!
Wrong one 🙂 .
 
I meant, this one :-
 
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
 
 

😀



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